These Small Hours

Reverence

2012-02-09T22:10:00.000-08:00

Just before saying family prayer tonight these were there words I found escaping my mouth...

"Joseph.... put down the gun." (aiming his Nerf pistol at the ceiling)

"Jacob..... put down the pencil." (working on a math problem).

"Ben..... put down the book." (reading a Spiderman adventure)

I thought it was funny and very telling.

2012-02-08T20:18:00.001-08:00

Things Lauren does that make me smile...

-Pose like this when I let her know I'm going to take her picture. (I was trying out our new camera and wanted to test the lighting in this shot). She was happy to oblige.

-How she pronounces "remember." It sounds like 'B-Member.'

"Mama, B-member when I was a little girl...when I was 4?" (Something she started saying only days after turning 5.)

-The little songs she makes up when she is playing or doing things around the house, then how she gets embarrassed, (then mad) when you tell her you like her song.

-The way she hops up and down with delight every time she gets excited. She does this for a lot of things but I especially love it when she does this after seeing me put on something pretty (especially if it's a new outfit).... It's how I know that I look really nice.

-That she comes into our bed in the middle of the night at least 3 to 4 nights a week and always come over to her Daddy's side of the bed. One morning I asked her why she never came over to my side and she replied, "Because Daddy is always so nice and warm."

-The sassy way that she talks back to her brothers and refuses to be bossed around.

-The way she "decorates" her room with bouquets of artificial flowers purchased from the dollar store.

-How quickly she can trash her room but at the same time how well she plays with her toys independently.

-The grumpy face she makes when she doesn't like something someone has said or done.

Teamates

2012-02-08T20:07:00.000-08:00

The best part of Saturdays soccer game was not the goals Jacob scored... It was when he actually passed the ball to his younger brother, and then Joseph passed it back.

Oh, and when Joseph roughed up that dirty player on the other team (who was twice his size)...that was pretty cool too. He's feisty like his mama. (:

Wrestler Ben

2012-02-08T14:56:00.000-08:00

I've always thought Ben would be a great wrestler, and guess what? I was right! The combination of his stocky build and fiery spirit make him perfect for this sport.

The first time I saw him wrestle I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. He fearlessly tears into his opponent muscling them to the floor with absolutely no technique. When he comes across a more seasoned wrestler (who actually knows how to use proper moves) if he can't muscle them down he'll give them a heck of a fight. (I knew that stubbornness would come in handy.

If he stays with this and actually learns some technique I think we might just have a state champ one day.

Snow Fun

2012-01-23T12:59:00.001-08:00

First snow blankets the ground, I love how peaceful the world becomes.

Falling snowflakes absorb the sound, flocking the trees and grassy ground.

A picture perfect view awaits my eyes, when from my pillow I first arise.

No school today, no need to even check....The kids are so excited to get our their sleds.

After breakfast they can hardly wait, to get on their snow gear and head out to play.

Packing down the hill to speed up their ride, "don't walk across the path!" (big brother chides).

Little Lauren at the top of the hill, finds her place and weathers the chill.

Watching her brothers as they pass by, perfectly content to give up her ride.

Bundled up in big brother clothes, she looks like a marshmallow with a little pink nose.

Building jumps and 'catching air' they take turns riding, and try to be fair.

Lauren won't go without a big brother, so they jump on top, and try not to smother.

Walking up the hill she gets a free ride, thank goodness for her mountain climbing Dad.

Snowball "Target practice" while they ride the rope swing...getting pelted until the cry of Mercy.

Hot Cocoa bar, a wandering goat, building a snowman, super wet coats.

They come inside cold and tired, and warm their hands by the fire.

Endless Uno games, playing Clue, reading stories, movie reviews.

A break in routine, a needed retreat...staying home & making memories.

UNO

2012-01-15T22:57:00.001-08:00

Santa brought board games for each of our boys this year for Christmas. He said it was to help them learn to "get along." Isn't he so smart? For some reason when our boys play games they don't fight as much. I love it when they play Monopoly in Jacobs room because for over an hour (no joke) I forget that I have boys and my house is unusually quiet. Ben got an extra game in his stocking and it's been a surprising hit for our family. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's probably been played close to 100 times already. I love that everyone, even Lauren, can play.... although playing with her always takes much longer because she refuses to fan our her cards and has to "hunt" through her stack to find a matching color or number. She also takes personal offense when someone plays a "skip a turn" card on her. It's all we can do to keep her from crying and saying "You're mean!" whenever she gets a Draw 4.

Ben wants to play it all the time and will ask me several times a day, "Can you play uno with me?" The games are so quick you don't feel bad stopping what you're doing for a 5 minute break. Who knew that the smallest gift (and probably the cheapest) would end up providing so many hours of fun for our family. Good job Santa!

Crash Derby

2012-01-08T18:59:00.000-08:00

I'm proud of the fact that my boys don't play video games. It's a tough stand to take especially when you have 3 sons that are right in the thick of the video game age. But it's a decision both my husband and I feel very strongly about. Our boys have always been very supportive of our position, and for that I'm very grateful.

My picture this week is of Jacob and the two cars he built for the "Crash Derby" he had with his brothers and 2 other friends that came over on Wednesday to play. Our house was full of boys and among the other boyish activities they engaged in this was by far my favorite.

I heard them upstairs in the playroom working on something. When I came up to see what they were doing each boy was building a car out of Kinex to participate in what they called a "crash derby." Once they were done building, 2 boys would take their best car and sit at either end of the hall and crash them into each other. Whichever car held up the best after multiple rams won that round and went on to challenge at the next competitor. The boy that lost went back into the playroom to "redesign" his car and try it again.

They played at this for over an hour. I wish I'd gotten a picture of all the boys on that day but by the end of the Derby most of their cars were all crashed up and I couldn't find my camera. Here's a picture of Jacob that I took later on posing with his two winning car designs.

I love the things my boys come up with to play. They constantly impress me with their ingenuity, physicality and resourcefulness. It makes me so happy to see them making up some fun little game involving ordinary household objects or digging tunnels down at the sandpit for hours on end. I love seeing them play football or soccer in the front yard, or basketball in the living room complete with hand drawn brackets for double elimination rounds. I love it when they build forts outside in the drizzling rain, "hunt" coyotes in the woods with their slingshots, or have "target practice" with their bb gun and a hand drawn target nailed to a tree. They come back inside wet and covered in mud but smiling from ear to ear. It puts a smile on my face every time as I think to myself, 'this is boyhood at it's best'.

Sometimes I wonder if we had gone down that path of letting them do video games if they'd still play in the same way they do now. I may never know and I'm certainly not saying that playing video games is bad. I'm just saying that so far I'm not regretting our decision at all. If anything I'm more convinced that we made the right choice. These years of boyhood are loud and crazy but wonderful in their own way.

If you have sons I would highly recommend you read the book "Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epedimic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men" by Leanord Sax. It's a must read for anyone raising sons.

See you next week.

A New Year

2012-01-01T18:49:00.000-08:00

You know you haven't blogged in a while when it takes you more than 3 tries to remember your account login and password. I was actually starting to panic by my fourth attempt.

I've been feeling guilty for a while now over the neglect of my blog. Guilty because I know that one day I may regret the loss of memories that I might have otherwise preserved. I want my children to be able to look back on their childhood with fond memories and feel secure in the knowledge that they were loved. I feel terrible missing a birthday post or not blogging about an important family memory, mostly because I don't want them to think that I don't care.

In 2010 I was asked to be the YW President in my ward. I felt the Lord preparing me for this assignment and I know that serving in this capacity is where He wants me to be. It's been difficult for me to make time in my life for the other things I once did-like blogging. I try really hard to prioritize the use of my time giving greatest priority to my service to the Lord. I know that I am doing the things that He wants me to do but sometimes its hard to see areas of my life that were important to me be put on the back burner simply because I lack the time to do it all. My faith is my anchor and will always be the guiding force in my life. I love my Heavenly Father so much and my heart is so full with gratitude for my Savior and all that He has done for me and continues to do for me. There is no way that I could ever feel good about neglecting my duty to Him just so I can do the things that I want to do. I do however frequently feel frustrated over my inability to do everything I want to do-like blogging.

This year I am striving for more balance in my life. I'm trying to simplify my life in areas that are not important so that I can leave time for those things that are. I have not given up on my blog. I am hoping that instead of beating myself up over it's neglect that this new year will give me another chance to preserve memories in a simpler way. A friend of mine posts a picture a week with a short narration, sometimes just a caption. This is one of my new years resolutions.

1. To blog a Picture a Week

My other resolution is.....

2. No sweets or treats in 2012.

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I don't eat chocolate. Not because I don't love it but because it's my crack. I am not joking when I say that I have no self control when it comes to my chocolate consumption. So that's why I don't eat it- at all. It may seem a little extreme to some (my husband included) but I don't plan on eating chocolate for the rest of my life. That's how serious I am about my addiction. I wish that I had the discipline and self control to eat it in moderation but I don't. It stinks.

In recent years I've noticed that my lack of self control isn't just about chocolate. It's also about sweets. I'm not a soda drinker or a chip eater but I do love to bake desserts and even more than baking them I love eating them. If I felt that I could eat these things in moderation or with some self discipline then I wouldn't have this as my resolution but the older I get the more I realize the connection between my body and spirit. I can't binge on an over-sized piece of cake and feel good spiritually. If I had more moderation in my portion control then maybe I could, but I'm not there yet. This resolution is meant to help me gain more discipline over my appetites and passions. I feel energized when I eat healthy and I feel the influence of the spirit stronger in my life and that is more important to me then the momentary pleasure that eating sweets brings.

So those are my resolutions. I put them on here so I won't forget them and to keep me committed to my goals.

Here's to making 2012 a great year of change for me.

Happy New Year.

See you in a week.

The Big Black Bear at Big Log...

2011-07-06T23:16:00.001-07:00

I was a little bent out of shape recently when MY niece and nephew (from my older sister) 'friend requested' my husband on Facebook and there was NO friend request for me. I didn't even know they were on facebook! Anyway, I started thinking about it and realized that at all our family get togethers he's out there playing football with all the kids or playing some other crazy fun game and I'm in the kitchen helping/visiting with my sister. I'm so lame. Now I know why they want to be his friend and not mine. Because he's super fun and I'm super lame. Last year my other niece (6 years old) couldn't remember Aaron's name at a family get together. Aaron saw her struggling after she was trying to remember the part after "Uncle." He didn't miss a beat and responded with, "that's Uncle Awesome." Now that's what they all call him.

Sooooooo, this summer I'm going to be better about spending more time with them instead of being that boring grown up who misses out on all the fun. So watch out Aaron because Aunt Awesome is stepping out!

Anyway, that has nothing to do with the bear but it was just on my mind and my thoughts are often random. Soooooo, Aaron, (being the awesome man that he is), see, that's where the 'awesome' tangent came from....took all 4 of my children backpacking this last weekend while I stayed at home and had a girls night with 2 friends who were visiting from out of state. I felt kind of lame missing a family backpacking trip but not bad enough to miss out on seeing my sweet friends who I've missed seeing so much.

Anyway, I can't believe this but he took them backpacking to Big Log which is a 5.2 mile hike-one way. My four little kids backpacked over 10 miles! I was seriously so impressed. They all had backpacks, even Lauren although hers was just a mini Hello Kitty backpack that held everyone's trail mix. (Well, she is the youngest, and a girl). The boys all carried their sleeping bags, pillows, pads and clothes in their own packs. What little studs. It seriously makes me so proud that they are such tough little troopers.

So ,the next day on their way back down they encountered a big black bear. They were very excited to tell me about it when they got home. I was not so excited to hear about it. Before they left I had offered Aaron my pepper spray (he makes me take it when I go running), to bring with him backpacking. "Just in case you see a bear," I said.
He, being the optimist, said they'd be fine and wouldn't need it.

Ironically there was a bear up there in the woods....imagine that. Lucky for them this bear was in a good mood....They encountered him as they were coming down the trail on the way back the next day. They were walking along leisurely when off in the distance down the trail Aaron spotted him. He stopped the kids and put them behind him. The bear didn't even know they were there because he was taking a little hike down the same trail. He waited for him to leave the trail but he didn't. So, from a safe distance they continued their hike and followed him down the trail being sure to make plenty of noise so that he wouldn't be startled by their presence. They sang primary songs loudly and banged on their mess kits trying to scare him off the trail but he was in no hurry to leave the path. So they ended up following him (from a safe distance of course) for over a mile. Crazy. But thankfully they were fine. Next time they are taking my pepper spray.

Buttercup Love

2011-06-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

Fields in bloom with buttercups, the blossoms are running wild.

A windowsill of sweet bouquets, gathered by the hand of a child.

No sweeter sight could meet my eyes than to see their eager delight
revealing a bouquet from behind their backs, so beautiful in my sight.

A thoughtful note that warmed my heart after returning from a run.
The luckiest mother I feel I am to have such sweet, loving sons.

Dear Mom,
We all made
this crown to tell
you that we love you
and that you are the
Queen of our family!
Love,
Jacob, Joseph, Benjamin and Lauren

Observations from a younger brother...

2011-06-08T13:06:00.000-07:00

I found the following observations written in pencil on the wall next to Joseph's bed last night...

(Jacob was not happy Sunday evening. His baseball team had played in a game earlier that day and had lost. They were supposed to win but for whatever reason they had lost to this "easy" team and now they were out of the championships and the season was over. Jacob had chosen not to play in the game because it was held on Sunday. His younger brother Joseph found his tirade quite amusing. I found his observations quite humorous.)

1. Jacob hates his baseball team.
2. Screams at himself.
3. Said, "I don't know why I'm alive."
4. Breaths very fast.
5. Smacks himself.
6. Asks... "is there anything to destroy around here?"
7. Gets punished.

Tough like his Mama...

2011-06-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

Most of you know we give our boys push-ups for punishment in our home. We've been doing this for several years. Currently the standing rule is 50 push ups for each and every instance of intentional provoking, teasing, rudeness or contention. It's probably comes as no surprise but with 3 boys there are a lot of push-ups being done around here. Just last week Joseph had to do 250 before he went to school. Lately they've been doing a lot better though. It seems that the more rigid I am on handing out push ups for these behaviors the more peace there seems to be in our home. Holding them accountable for their actions is leading them to exercise more self control in the way they act and react to each other.

Well, last week Jacob did something that made me very proud.....

He'd been given 50 push ups one morning after breakfast for something he'd done. His response to this was an enthusiastic, "it will be good practice for my cub-scout pack meeting!" This month's pack meeting was going to be a fitness challenge with one of the events being a push-up station. Usually I make the boys do their 50 push-ups in 2 sets of 25. But this morning, because he was "in training," he told me he wanted to do 50 in a row. I make them count them off as they do them. This is how it went....

1,2,3,4....all the way to 35 without any problems.

At 35 his pace slowed down. I could see that he was getting tired.

By the time he got to 40 he was struggling and I was worried that he might not make it to 50.

Amazingly he did.

When he reached 50 I expected him to drop to his knees. But instead of stopping I heard him breathlessly say:

"I'm going to do 55."
He made it to 55. Then he said:

"I think I can do 60."

He got to 60 and grunting under his breath I heard him say:

"I'm gonna do 65."

At this point his arms were shaking but he wouldn't stop. I waited to see what would happen next....

"My goal is 70.....I'm going for 70....(grunt),....I know I can do it... (more grunting)," he said.

When he reached 70 he dropped to the floor and smiled.

I love this kid. I love how tough he is. Not just physically but mentally too. Watching him through this ordeal I felt a close connection to him as I saw the strength of his spirit pushing past his pain to reach his goal. It made me feel so proud.

I've experienced this same struggle many times with the races I run. There are times in a marathon when I hit a wall and I feel my body tell me to surrender. But if I push past that pain I find an inner strength that helps me keep going. It's a very empowering feeling to know that your mind can conquer your body. Physically there's nothing that makes me feel more alive than to experience this kind of personal victory. I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but there's no other way that I can describe it.

When I'm in those moments during a race and I'm fighting that struggle to keep running or to stop and walk what keeps me going is to relate my physical pain to the spiritual & emotional struggles I've had in my life. In a race I often tell myself in my head, "dig in deep girl.... don't give up.... weather this storm.....endure to the end." When I refuse to surrender to the pain and do the very best I can without giving up (which may mean a dreadfully slow pace at times) I find an inner strength to keep going and not give up. I relate this to my challenges in life both past and present. Doing this empowers me to be strong and not to give up in the other parts of my life, not just during a race. My goal in every marathon I do is to run the entire 26.2 miles without stopping, and I've done it many times.

For me, there's nothing better than crossing that finish line at the end of a marathon and feeling that complete and utter sense of peace and relief knowing that it's over. It's done. It leaves me with an incredible feeling of peace and accomplishment. I imagine that's what it will be like at the end of my life if I've worked hard and done my best- regardless of the pain and struggles I've faced.

Seeing this same strength of spirit in my son when he wouldn't quit with his push-ups literally made my heart swell with pride. It gives me great confidence to know that when faced with challenges in his life he'll have the inner strength and stamina to push past the hard parts to reach his goals.

I wish that all of us could see how strong we really are. Running has taught me a lot about the potential each of us has. When I did my first 10K over 10 years ago I never thought that I would one day be running marathons. Doing a 10K was REALLY hard for me back then. But as I pushed myself to go farther I found that I was capable of so much more than even I realized. It's the same with our lives and who we are. 10 years ago you may have never guessed that you would be able to handle the trials and stresses you now face but you can and you are. When life throws you trials or challenges refuse to surrender. Your pace may slow dreadfully as you climb up that "hill" but as long as you don't stop it's okay. Just keep going and don't give up.

In my life, the inner strength to carry on amidst the trials I've faced has come from God. When I determine that I'm going to do my best and be my best no matter how meager of an offering that may be, I'm endowed with great power (an inner strength) to carry my burden with greater ease. Through His divine help I know that we can all find the strength we need to keep going and victoriously cross the finish line in our own life story.

*Jacob won the push-up competition at the pack meeting that night. He did 105 push-ups with no breaks. Needless to say I was one proud mama.

Joseph's Baptism

2011-05-31T22:50:00.001-07:00

Joseph was baptized on Saturday, May 7th. He was very excited about this day and sent invitations to all of his friends and family including his entire class at school.

We had a special dinner & reception in our home that evening before his baptism. We showed this slideshow that I made for him chronicling his life from birth to baptism. It is always such a treat to look back and see how much your little one has grown. There are so many memories that you forget about until an old picture reminds you. Congratulations Joseph! We love you and are so proud of you for taking this important step in your life.

Joseph Turns 8!!!

2011-05-25T22:23:00.002-07:00

For weeks I couldn't get Joseph to settle on a theme for his upcoming birthday party. Usually this is an easy decision for him. In the past it's always been very closely related to his current interests (Star Wars, Sports, Dinosaurs, etc.) But this year he was giving me nothing.

With only 10 days left until his birthday I pulled into the parking lot of Party City hopeful that a walk up and down the aisles would inspire him to choose something, anything. A short time later we emerged from the store empty handed. Joseph was in a funk that I didn't understand.

"Do you just not want a party this year? Is that what it is?" I asked him.

I thought that he had just been struggling to come up with a theme that wasn't too "babyish." But when he walked right past the TRON party display I knew it must be something else.

"No,I don't...... he said, I just want one with our family."

"You don't?" I was shocked. "Why didn't you say so?"

Almost immediately I felt my mind decompress at the possibility of not having to plan a party with all of it's attending stress, (sending out invitations, making party favors, planning games, treats, a second birthday cake etc. etc.)

"Are you sure?" I said, needing final confirmation.

Maybe this was why he'd been so indecisive. Maybe he was just growing out of this whole 'friend party' thing. Hallelujah, I secretly thought. My life just got a lot easier.

A few minutes later I heard him burst into tears from the back seat of the car.

"Mom," he said. "Do you know why I don't want to have a friend party?"

I was bewildered beyond belief, my curiosity peaked.
I listened...

"Because last year I had all my friends come over and no one would do anything that I had planned for my party. They all just left me and ran around outside and no one even payed attention to me, and it was my birthday."

My mind flashed back to last year's "Basketball party." He was very excited about this theme. We even bought a basketball hoop that I fixed up and Aaron sunk into concrete out in front of a poured cement pad. He had the whole party planned out with basketball games, Sports music CD playing while they shot hoops and then he wanted to eat pizza and watch "Air Bud." (which he had never seen but was very excited to watch.) The party did not go as planned, (you can see the link from last years birthday post here:

http://andrialaws2007.blogspot.com/2010/05/josephs-birthday.html

He ended up spending an hour of his party up in his room on his top bunk crying. I didn't know what had happened and no matter how I pleaded he wouldn't tell me why he was so upset. You can't force a kid to have fun at his own party so I just let it go and let him come down when he was ready. Anyway, it all made perfect sense to me now and my heart just ached for him.

So, this year we just had our normal family party on his birthday with Papa and Grandma and then on Saturday instead of having a friend party the plan was to have his best friend Hank come over for a fun day of doing whatever the two of them wanted to do.

Since Joseph didn't have a party theme I used some leftover hot pink streamers and balloons from a YW activity. They were perfect for him though because currently his favorite color is hot pink. It's a little alarming to Aaron and his Dad but it just goes to show you the quirkiness of our little Joseph. (I personally think he chose this color for 'shock value' more than anything else. He enjoys seeing people's reactions when he tells them his favorite color.)

Aaron called a few days before the weekend from work and told me that he'd been given 8 amazing seats to a Mariners game (from his boss) and so we thought we'd all go to that as a family. Turns out he really did want his friends there because he asked if Lauren and I could maybe stay home and have a girls night so that he could use the tickets to invite some more friends. Here is a picture of them at the game.

A week after Joseph's birthday I was asked by our Gospel Doctrine teacher at church to bring one of my children to class and speak for a few minutes at the beginning about some of their admirable qualities. I immediately thought of Joseph and the benefit that he would receive from hearing my publicly acknowledge his goodness.

Here were the things that I shared. I also thought it would serve well as an example of the young man that he is during this phase of his life.

Joseph at 8 years old

-Joseph has great faith. God and things of a spiritual, religious nature seem to always be in the forefront of his mind.

-Joseph is very service oriented. He wants to be helpful and almost always does his chores without grumbling. Sometimes when he's done he'll ask me if there are any "extra chores" or things I need done. He genuinely cares about helping out and does it in such a sweet and caring way. Sometimes when he can't sleep at night he'll come down and ask me if there are any extra chores I would like him to do.

-Joseph has a lot of courage and is a great leader. He is well liked among his friends and is in the "popular" group of boys at school. Earlier this year the ring leader of the group formed a club with 5 other boys (Joseph being one of them). Joseph's friend Hank was not allowed in the club and the other boys were teasing him and not letting him play with Joseph at recess. Joseph told the ringleader that he wasn't going to be in the club if they left Hank out. So for a whole week he played every recess with Hank until finally the other boys (wanting him to be in the club) relented and let Hank in too. I was so proud of him taking a stand against the popular kids.

-Joseph is very sweet and caring. Aaron and I will often find notes on our pillows with sweet sentiments. He will also make pictures for Lauren and make her gifts at school. Recently he spent almost all of his class earned points to buy a jumbo pack of play-doh for her. Another example of his caring happened at the beginning of the year. There was a new boy in his class that had just come to this school and he told me that every day during class he would lay his head down on the desk and cry. I talked to him about what he could do and the next day he told me that he asked the boy (his name is Ezra) if he would like to be his friend. The boy told him he "would think about it." I don't think that was the reaction he was expecting but I was very proud of him for reaching out to this boy and being so kind and caring.

Joseph is an amazing missionary. When I think of the scripture that says "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ...." I think of Joseph. Joseph has invited many of his friends to come to church with him. He doesn't just invite them but seems genuinely disappointed when they say they will be there and then don't come. One time he asked during the opening hymn if he could go out and check in the foyer to see if his friend was there because he had "promised" that he would come and he was worried that he wouldn't know where we were to sit by us. He has given out 2 book of Mormons to his friends since school started last fall and wrote a message to them on the inside over all on his own.

He asked if he could invite his class to his baptism and so we put an invitation in each of his classmates Friday folders. As a result of that 3 people from his class came including his 2nd grade teacher.

He also started reading the Book of Mormon this year and asked me one day if he could bring his
own copy to school so that he could read it during "read to self" time. He told me one day that he tried to get Aidan to read it during read to buddy time but "he wanted to read a joke book instead."

-Joseph is very generous and giving. He is so willing to give what he has to others. I have never seen him grudgingly share anything. He is eager to give what he has and is very generous in his giving. Just the other day Aaron asked for a bite of his ice-cream. There was only about 2 bites left in his bowl. When Aaron asked for a bite right as he was about to put it in his mouth, he lowered it from his mouth, scooped up a little more on the spoon and sweetly offered it to him.

Here are a few of Joseph's Favorite things at age 8....
Dinner-Steak
Movie-Tron
Color- Hot pink
TV show- Star Wars The Clone Wars
Sport-Soccer
Book- The Book of Mormon
Board game- Pictionary for Kids
Subject in school- Reading & Math
Best Friend-Hank
Dessert-Magic cookie bars
Things to do-Play basketball at home, play soccer with his brothers in the front yard, climbing rock walls.Candy bar- Twix

Other things about Joseph at 8
Mile Run time- 7:59
Chores he does (some daily and some regularly)- Bring goats in at night, take out the garbage, burn barrel trash, unload dishwasher, clean bathroom, fold laundry, organize the shoe closet, unload the step basket, clean his room, make his bed.

Because of You, Mother...

2011-05-08T20:52:00.000-07:00

We can choose to remember the bad or we can recognize the good...

I did not come from a nurturing home. The majority of my memories involving my mother are not tender, loving or endearing. They are painful, hurtful and emotionally damaging. For many years the sting of these wounds stayed with me. For many years my judgement of her was harsh and unforgiving.

When I became a mother myself, I vowed that I would be nothing like her. From the moment I held my first baby in my arms, I put my whole heart into being the kind of mother I wish I’d had. As I traveled my own path of motherhood, I found myself less and less understanding of her. These feelings of love for my child were so powerful, it was difficult for me to understand why she didn't love me.

A few years later I found myself in a very difficult phase on my own path of motherhood. My 4 children were very young and their endless needs required all of my time and energy. At the end of my days I was exhausted and left with little strength. I felt much like a meager portion of butter being spread across a dry piece of bread. My stress level was high and my patience wore thin. There were many times that I became frustrated with my children and had to fight back the urge to angrily snap at them for doing childish things. But then I remembered my mother, and (not wanting to be like her) I tried my hardest to bite my tongue. Each time I felt that I couldn’t take the stress and the noise from all the crying, fussing, yelling and whining I remembered her. I vowed that I would not let myself become like her and I hit my own head against the wall instead of theirs. She was on my mind through it all.....keeping me from repeating her mistakes. And without condoning her, I grew to understand her.

In later years she sought my forgiveness for the things she did, stating “I did the best I could.” For a long time I felt that this was a lame excuse. But not anymore. After nearly 10 years of my own experiences as a mother, I have come to believe that she really did do the best she could. I do not condone her behavior, nor do I excuse it. But I nevertheless forgive her and have chosen to accept her and love her in my heart.

We are all imperfect as mothers, some more than others. We can choose to remember the bad things our mothers did or we can recognize the good. I may not have any tender moments or loving memories with my mother, but there is still a great deal of good that she did.
In recent months I’ve come to realize how much of what I do as a mother came from her influence and example. This is the good that she gave to me and on Mother's Day it is what I choose to celebrate.

For my Mother......

Because of you, I am a runner.
I remember seeing you many times as I rode the bus home from school. Through my window I’d spot you jogging along our old country road wearing your yellow polyester jogging suit with thin black stripes down the sides of the arms and legs.

Because of you, I read to my children.
When I was little I laid on your bed at nap time as you read me stories like Yurtle the Turtle, The Pickle Chiffon Pie and Petunia the Silly Goose. As I got older, you read books aloud as I sat behind you playing with your hair. The Hobbit, Amy’s Eyes and Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites were among my favorites.

Because of you, I cook healthy meals for my family.
Each morning at breakfast there was hot food on our plate. Eggs and oatmeal were not my favorite, but they are now. My lunch consisted of a whole wheat sandwich, an apple and a quarter for milk. You never gave me fruit roll-ups, potato chips or pudding cups. Just the basics my body needed for a foundation of good health. Each night you cooked our meals from scratch and made sure we had a meat, grain, and vegetable on our plate with a large glass of milk to wash it down.

Because of you, I read daily from the scriptures.
One of my earliest memories of the scriptures was seeing you read from the pages of your old, worn copy. The black leather was weathered, the pages were soft from being turned as you read intently, reverently and frequently.

Because of you, I volunteer at my kids school.
I was always so proud when you would come to volunteer in my class in elementary school. Many of the kids would tell me how pretty my Mom was and it made me so proud. Having you there made me popular among my friends. One time a kid was teasing me and another kid intervened and told them to leave me alone because “I had a cool mom.”

Because of you, my children take piano lessons.
We always had a piano in our home even though you couldn’t afford to pay for lessons. I learned by hearing you play and knew that when I became a mother my children would take piano lessons and learn to play as well.

Because of you, I decorate my home.
You sewed curtains, painted walls, stuffed pillows and hung flower boxes with red geraniums from the outside windows of our old farm home. On a limited budget you decorated our house and turned it into a home.

Because of you, I manage the money in our household.
How many times did I see you upstairs at that desk punching numbers into that silly adding machine amidst frequent groans as you balanced the checkbook. When I’m at my computer paying my bills online I remember you and smile.

Because of you, I am grateful for my dishwasher and dryer.
Countless times I saw you hanging clothes on the clothesline outside and upstairs in the hallway along the bannister rail. For years you washed dishes by hand in that old farmhouse sink cooped up in a tiny kitchen away from the rest of the house. Every load of laundry I throw in the dryer, and every dish I place in the dishwasher, I am grateful because I remember you.

Because of you, I am a Mother.
You never earned a college degree or held a full time job and yet when anyone asked you what you did, you never hung your head, but responded graciously and with pride, “I am a Mother.”
And now, I do too.

Our Love Story

2011-04-14T07:11:00.000-07:00

Picture taken by Shannon Morgan Photography

When I was a young girl I remember my mother once telling me:

"Andria, you never know when you'll meet the man you're going to marry. Your car could break down on the side of the road and he could be the stranger that stops to help," she said.

It's funny to me that she said that. Funny because that's almost exactly how it happened. Only it wasn't my car that broke down it was my motorcycle. .

-Prologue-

It was September of 1997. I was serving in the military stationed near Pearl Harbor on Hickam Air Force Base in Hawaii.

I'd arrived only a few weeks before and was living in the single/enlisted barracks on base. My household goods shipment had arrived the day before and in this shipment was my passport to freedom. My motorcycle.

Well, I called it a motorcycle but really it looked more like a moped. Technically speaking it was a 1968 Honda 90. I'd driven my little moto all over my southern California neighborhood back in high school and now my little motorcycle was joining me on my journey in the Air Force.....

-Chapter 1 -
A Helpful Stranger

"Great!" she thought. "It won't start. Now what am I going to do."

She looked around for anyone that might be able to help but the dorms were like a ghost town this early in the morning. She tried reconnecting the battery cables and checked to make sure it had gas. She'd even hit the engine a couple times with a wrench. Nothing. It just wouldn't start. A wave of disappointment came over her as her plans for the day slowly crumbled in her mind.

"I'll have to call my Dad." she thought. "Maybe he can tell me how to fix it."

Frustrated, she headed back to her room to make the long distance call.
Just as she reached the stairs she saw a guy walking over to a row of motorcycles parked on the other side of the lot. The thought crossed her mind to ask him for help.

"If he drives a motorcycle, maybe he knows how to fix them." she thought. "Maybe it's something simple that I overlooked." She approached the stranger cautiously as he was putting on his helmet and gloves.

"Um,... excuse me..... Do you know anything about motorcycles? My bike won't start." she said.

He looked at her through his visor. There was a twinkle in his eye as he stepped away from his bike and took off his helmet..

"It's over there," she pointed.

He followed her over to the other side of the parking lot and tried a few things on her bike but still it still wouldn't start.

"Let me go get my tools," he said, "I'll take a closer look."

With that, he turned and headed toward the stairwell to go back up to his room. She waited patiently, enjoying the beautiful Hawaiian morning. The sunlight streamed down through the branches of the trees. The dew still glistened on the grass. After a short time he returned.

She tried to look interested while he fiddled around with the engine. "Your battery is dead," he said. "Do you have a charger?"

"No,.... I don't." she answered.

He looked down at his watch, then back up at his room. Without a word he knelt down and disconnected the battery from her bike.

"I've got one up in my room. How about I put it on my charger for a few hours and when I come back I'll hook it up for you."

A look of relief swept over her face as she smiled at him gratefully.

"Thank you." she said.

With that, he grabbed the battery and left as she gathered her things and headed up to her dorm room to wait.

She saw him next a few hours later, working on her bike in the parking lot. She headed down the stairs to join him.

As she approached him, he looked up at her and asked, "How long has your bike been sitting?"

"About a year", she replied. "I was stationed in Texas before I came here. It was parked back home at my parents house while I was away."

"That's what I thought. he said. "Your battery is toast. You'll have to buy a new one."

There was a long pause as she racked her brain wondering how or where she was going to get a new battery.

"There's a Honda shop right off base." he offered. "I can take you there if you want."

"Uhhhhh," she stammered.

It felt foolish to accept a ride from a complete stranger. But what else could she do?

"Alright." she finally said.

He wrote down the model number of the battery and pointed to the other side of the parking lot. "Go get your helmet on, I'll meet you over by my bike."

She ran up to her room and grabbed her helmet and jacket. Before she left she roused her sleeping roommate.

"Amber." she whispered. "I'm going off base to get a battery for my bike. Some guy is giving me a ride over there." Her roommate mumbled a sleepy response.

She'd never ridden on the back of a motorcycle before. This was one of those speedy ones too. The thought of going fast scared her but she tried to put it out of her mind. He started the engine as he gave her instructions on passenger basics:

"You'll have to put your arms around my waist" he said. "Don't flinch or jerk around when we go into a turn, just trust me and move your body with mine." He paused a moment seeing the nervousness in her eyes. "If I'm going too fast for you just tap me on the shoulder and I'll slow down." he added.

Those were his final words.

With that, he mounted the bike and revved the engine. She awkwardly placed her hand on his shoulder and hoisted herself up wrapping her arms around his waist. He was strong. She hadn't noticed before but she could feel the firmness of his body when she touched him. She blushed with a little excitement, feeling nervous and a bit reckless. He backed up the bike then moved forward slowly out of the lot. As they approached the road he sped up a little unexpectedly. Her helmet bonked into the back of his. Embarrassed, she yelled out "Sorry" but it was drowned out by the sound of the engine.

A short ride later they were at the Honda shop. He found the right battery then walked with her to the register. After paying they got back on his motorcycle and headed back to base.

In no time he had her new battery charged and connected to the bike. She thanked him sincerely after he successfully started up the engine.

"Hey" he said. "Are you going to take this thing off base?" "I don't think you should drive it on the freeway."

She felt a little defensive of her bike but she knew he was right. The fastest it had ever gone was 60mph and that was driving down hill with the wind at her back.

"If you ever need to go somewhere off base, like the mall, just let me know and I can give you a ride," he offered.

"Thanks," she said.

He nodded then paused for a moment before walking away.

"Can I ask your name?"

"Oh,... uhhh, it's Andria," she answered. "What's yours?"

"I'm Aaron, Aaron Laws."

-Chapter 2-
Motorcycle Man

Weeks went by before she saw him again. She was eating dinner with her roommate at the dining hall on base. As she slurped up her peaches she noticed a guy sitting alone a few tables away. He was sweaty and wearing a sleeveless shirt. She could tell he'd just been working out. He seemed comfortable sitting alone. Other guys around him were talking loudly at nearby tables as they watched the game on the big screen TV. He looked up from his food and saw her watching him. Quickly she looked away bringing another spoonful of peaches to her lips. There was something familiar about him. She couldn't quite place it. She searched her mind for a few moments without success then looked up again stealthily glancing in his direction. At that same moment he looked up too. His blue eyes locked with hers and a familiar twinkle gave way to a warm smile. He nodded his head and lifted his hand from the table in a casual wave. Her heart did a little somersault as her cheeks flushed a warm pink. Now she remembered.

"Amber," she whispered to her roommate a moment later. "Do you see that guy sitting over there in the corner? He's the one that helped me fix my motorcycle."

Amber looked up from her food and casually glanced behind her pretending to look at the clock on the wall.

"Girl", she said in her Latino accent. "That boy is fine."

"You think every guy is cute," Andria replied.

"No I don't," she said defensively. "How come you never told me he was hot."

"I don't know," she said, "I guess I didn't really notice."

A moment later he got up and walked past their table on his way to leave.

"How's your bike running?" he asked.

"Uh, good." she answered, trying not to blush as he looked into her eyes.

"Thanks again for fixing it." she said.

"No problem." he replied turning to leave. "I'll see you around," he said.

After that day, she did see him around. A lot. She saw him at the chow hall at mealtimes. She'd see him in the hallway coming back from the laundry room. She saw him going out to his motorcycle when her VanPool brought her home from work. Sometimes she'd smile and say hi. But usually they'd just exchange friendly glances.

Then, one day coming home from a swing shift, her roommate met her at the door.

"Hey,... your motorcycle man came by today."

"What?" she said.

"Yeah he came by twice......I told him you weren't getting off work until 8pm. I'm pretty sure he'll be back."

"What does he want?" she asked nervously.

"I don't know. He said he had a question for you."

Quickly she changed out of her uniform and put on her running clothes. Maybe if she was fast enough she could take off for a run before he arrived. She grabbed her Walkman and reached for the door just as a knock pounded from the other side.

She looked around at her roommate helplessly.

"Just open it," she said.

She waited a moment then opened the door.

"Hey," he said. "How's it going?"

"Good." she replied.

She walked through the doorway closing the door behind her. "I'm heading out for a run" she said, plugging in the headphones as she placed them in her ears.

"That's actually what I wanted to ask you," he began. "I see you running on base all the time and was wondering if I could join you. I've been meaning to get more cardio into my workouts but I hate treadmills."

"Sure." she answered.

"Are you going now?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah. But I'm running out to Hickam Harbor. It's kind of far,.... for most people.

"I think I can handle it." he said with a smile.

From then on he joined her for a run once or twice a week. And while they ran, they talked. And as they talked she learned more and more about this motorcycle man.

He was a computer network engineer. He'd joined the Air Force just a few months before she had. He'd picked his specific career field before he came in knowing it would be a good career for him when he got out. He'd planned to get his degree in computer science while he was enlisted and was currently taking classes at HPU after work.

She was impressed by his drive and ambition. Most of the guys she'd met in the military only seemed interested in drinking and partying. The more she learned about him the more she liked. Soon a mutual respect and friendship began to grow.

A few weeks went by. One day she was on the stairmaster at the gym when she saw him lifting weights on the other side of the room. She hoped he didn't see her. She looked down at her magazine pretending to read. For her entire workout she'd catch herself stealing glances at him while he worked out. She felt incredibly guilty watching him with such pleasure. He was handsome, and strong and she could feel herself growing more and more attracted to him. She distracted herself and smothered these thoughts. She knew they could never be anything more than friends.

But he didn't know that. And it wasn't long before he'd asked her out on a date.

"Do you want to go to a movie sometime?" he asked one day coming back from their run.

"I can't," she said, I'm working a set of mids."

"Well, when you're done with mids let me know and we'll go."

"Okay," she lied.

She knew she'd never go out with him. But she didn't have the courage to say it to his face.

A few days went by.

"Hey, your motorcycle man keeps coming by looking for you." her roommate teased.

"Yeah,... he wants to go to a movie."

"Then why don't you go?" she asked

"Because that would be a date and I don't date guys that don't go to my church."

"Oh brother! She moaned. You've got to be kidding me!"

She knew her roommate wouldn't understand, and that was okay. She didn't expect her to.

For the next week she purposely avoided him, hoping he'd forget about the movie, but he didn't. One evening as she was heading out to her bike he was coming back from the dining hall.

"Hey,"he said. "I thought you said you were working mids?"

She was caught. Now he'd know she was lying.

"Are you trying to avoid me?" he said with a smile.

"Uh,... No," she lied again.

"Yes you are," he answered back. "We don't have to go to a movie you know, I'd actually like to take you to dinner. Would that be okay?"

She sighed and turned to face him. She knew she'd have to tell him sooner or later.

"Well, it's just that,... you're not really my type." she said cautiously.

"What do you mean?" he replied.

How was she supposed to explain this to him? She paused for a moment before responding.

"I don't date guys outside of my religion."

There, she'd said it.

He raised his eyebrows, a little surprised to be rejected in this way.

"You're discriminating against me because I don't go to your church?.... But, I believe in God." he said.

"That's not enough," she answered. "You wouldn't understand." She put her helmet on and started up the engine. "I'll see you around."

She left him standing there in the parking lot as she drove off down the road.

-Chapter 3-
Caught in a Storm

"Can you give me a ride somewhere?" she asked one day.

"Sure, he said. "Where do you want to go?"

"I need to go to BYU Hawaii, it's in Laie on the north shore," she said.

"Wow, that's quite a drive. Why do you need to go all the way over there?

"I need to buy something at the bookstore on campus."

"Must be pretty important," he said.

"It's a set of scriptures. I need them for a friend of mine from Texas. He was just baptized and I want to get him a set for Christmas."

"Okay", he answered quickly. "How about this Saturday?"

" That would be great. Thanks," she said. " I owe you."

Saturday arrived and she hopped on the back of his bike for the long ride to Laie. She had no idea how far of a drive it was going to be. After a while her back started to ache. She shifted uncomfortably on her seat trying to keep the circulation flowing in her legs. He pulled over when they got to the north shore.

"This is Sunset beach, he said. "This is where they hold those big surfing competitions. I was out here a while ago with my roommate watching them, it was pretty cool."

" That's neat," she said.

"Here, let me get a picture of you. You can send it home to your parents" he offered.

"Thanks," she said.

She crossed her hands in front of her and smiled as he snapped the picture.

"I'll take one for you now." she said reaching for his camera.

"Okay," he said. "Thanks."

They got back on his bike to continue their drive. She hoped they'd be getting there soon. After a few minutes she saw a sign for Laie. 35 more miles. This was going to be a long ride. She tried to distract herself from the thought as she felt the discomfort settle in again. Her back ached from leaning over so she tried to sit more upright in the seat. But after a while that made her sore too. Taking her gloved hands off his waist she scooted back on her seat then pushed down on what her fingers thought was the seat in front of her. Doing this she was able to hoist herself up in a semi standing position. It felt good and brought the circulation back to her rear. Little did she know that the "seat" she was grabbing to hoist herself up on belonged to him.

When they finally arrived. He pulled into the parking lot on campus and dismounted from his bike. Taking off his helmet he looked back at her with a crooked smile.

"You kind of surprised me back there," he said.

"What?" she answered.

"I didn't know you were that kind of a girl." he said with a hint of sarcasm.

She looked at him with a perplexed face. Genuinely confused by his comment.

"When you goosed me back there," he revealed. "That kind of surprised me."

Suddenly it all connected.

Utterly horrified she realized that the firm seat in front of her was his rear. She grew hot with embarrassment.

"I, ....I'm so sorry, she stammered. I thought I was pushing on the seat."

"That's okay," he said with a wink. "I kind of liked it."

This made her even more embarrassed. She ran into the bookstore, not knowing what else to say or do. He followed after her.

When she'd found the right scriptures she brought them to the register and paid for them. After that they grabbed a bite to eat before heading back out to the parking lot.

"Those clouds look dark." he said. "We might get rained on."

She looked up at the sky, nodding in agreement. She only had on a light jacket and he only had a thin flannel shirt.

The sun was setting as they left the parking lot. Soon the sky grew dark with black clouds. He increased his speed as he hurried home trying to beat the storm. But soon the rain fell, whizzing by them in torrent sheets. It wasn't long before they were both soaked.

It was dark now, and she was getting cold. They were 20 miles from home but it may as well have been 100. Shivering under her wet jacket, she tightened her arms around his waist then slid up closer to him on the seat, pressing herself to his body for warmth. She knew this surprised him by the way he moved in return. But it didn't matter to her. Everything was dark and wet and she was freezing cold. Soon her head was resting on his back. The glare off the road from the oncoming headlights blinded her. She closed her eyes, not needing to watch the road. She trusted him to bring her safely home .

In the darkness all she could feel was the warmth of his body pressed against hers. She felt strangely comfortable and safe. In that instant she found herself slipping into the romance of the moment. She let her thoughts travel with no reservation to a place where she'd previously never gone. In her mind she imagined that he was just a boy and she was just a girl with nothing keeping them from being together. Nothing in her way to stop her from loving him. This sweet, kind guy. So handsome, so strong. He'd been so helpful and protective of her these past few months. How could she not be attracted to him? She knew she'd never let herself really love him but for this moment she allowed herself to swim in the romance of these passing thoughts.

The next morning, Aaron was helping a friend work on his car out in the dorm parking lot. He wiped the grease off his hands as he saw her approaching.

"Where are you going?" he asked, "You look nice."

" I'm going to church," she said as she saw her ride pull up.

"You go every week?"

"Yeah, she replied."

Can I come sometime?

"Sure,.... If you want," she answered as she opened the car door.

He smiled as he watched her get into the car. She waved goodbye as the car drove away.

-Chapter 4-
Making his Move

A few months later she ran for Dorm council President. Not because she cared about the dorms but because the president got her own dorm room and she was tired of her roommate bringing home drunk Marines that spent the night on her floor. She won the election and Aaron (who had run for vice president) won too. Soon they were seeing even more of each other as they worked together with the dorm manager and council members at their meetings.

One day after a dorm meeting they walked over to the chow hall together to get dinner. As they walked across the lot he reached for her hand to hold. She nearly pulled it back, embarrassed at this forward motion, but she couldn't. It felt so warm and comfortable. She decided to let him.

Later that night when he walked her back to her room he asked her a question.

"Hey," he said. "I'm kind of confused."

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently.

"What am I to you?"

"You're my friend," she replied.

He paused, obviously disappointed by her answer.

"You mean you don't feel anything more for me?"

"No," she lied.

"Well, do you think I could ever be more than a friend to you?" he continued.

Now this was starting to make her uncomfortable.

"Well," she paused, "No."
She'd answered him honestly. She knew she'd never let it turn into more.

"Why not?" he asked in pleading tones.

"Because I can't date you...... You're not what I'm looking for in a guy."

"Oh," he remembered. "The church thing right?"

"Yes," she said.

"Well what if I joined your church, then would you date me?"

"You don't understand," she said. " It's not like that. You can't just join a religion for me."

"But what if I wanted to?"

She shook her head. Frustrated that she had to have this discussion.

"I have plans for my life." she said. "Goals..... things I've been preparing for since I was a little girl." She went on, knowing he wouldn't understand but she needed to get it off her chest.

"I want to be married in the temple, to a priesthood holder, a returned missionary." she stated.

He looked at her with confusion, not understanding what on earth she was talking about.

"Never mind," she said.

"Why won't you give me a chance," he said. "Why are you discriminating against me because I'm not part of your religion?"

She tried to explain but nothing came out right.

In a last attempt he looked at her and said, "How do you know that God isn't looking down right now and saying: 'He's the man I want you marry'."

The light over her door had burned out and she was glad. The darkness hid her impulsive reaction as her jaw dropped in shock.

How on earth could he possibly think he'd be the man I've waited for my whole life. The nerve of him!

She grew hot with contempt.

When she didn't respond, he ended with a final blow: "I feel like the popcorn around a present you got for Christmas." he told her, "Like I'm just here to pass the time until you meet your prince charming."

She paused before responding, reflecting upon what he'd said. That was exactly what she was doing-using him to pass the time until she met "Mr. Right." She had no intentions other than to enjoy the pleasure he gave her while in his company.

Suddenly she realized how unfair she'd been. She'd been using him. He was good for her ego. This handsome guy, taking care of her. Driving her around the island, always at her beckoning call for anything she needed. It felt nice to have him pursuing her but she knew in her heart she'd never return the affection in the way he wanted.

"I'm not going to give up," he said. "We're meant to be together, I know it."

She was impressed by his persistence, but didn't want to encourage him.

"You should give up," she said. " You'll only be disappointed." With that she went inside her room and quietly closed the door.

-Chapter 5-
A Dream Come True

A few days later she had a dream. She dreamed that she was at church with Aaron and he was saying the sacrament prayer over the bread. She was awakened from her dream by a knock at the door. She looked at the clock it was 12:16pm. She had just got off a mid shift at 4am. The room was dark from the drawn blind. She fumbled around for the lamp switch. Grabbing her robe she went to the door and opened it.

It was him.

"Good morning," he said. "Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, but that's okay, I needed to get up anyway."

"I was headed to the chow hall for lunch, do you want to come?"

"Okay, give me a minute to change my clothes," she said.

When she opened the door again she saw his smiling face. She was reminded of her dream and thinking aloud she said, "I just had a dream about you."

"You did?" he asked with interest. "What was it about?" There was a twinkle in his eye.

"I dreamed you came to church with me."

After she said it she felt a little silly.

He turned to look at her with a serious face.

"Do you want me to come to church with you?"

His sincerity surprised her.

"Only if you want to," she said.

"Okay. I'll go this Sunday."

For three weeks he came every Sunday and genuinely seemed to enjoy it.

"I've never met so many nice people," he told her after church the first week.

She'd talked to the missionaries previous to him coming and told them not to bother talking to him.

"He's probably just coming because he wants to date me." she told them. " I don't think he's really serious about learning our beliefs."

Then one Sunday evening a few weeks later her phone rang. It was the missionaries. Over the next few minutes they pleaded with her to let them approach him about taking the discussions. "He really seems interested," they said. "You should have heard the questions and comments he made in Elders quorum today."

"All right." she said. "Go ahead and ask him."

The following week he had an appointment set for his first discussion.

"Will you come with me when I meet with the missionaries?" he asked.

"Of course." she said.

Three discussions went by and she attended each one. It was surreal hearing them teach him the things she'd grown up believing all her life. But what was even stranger was how he was accepting these teachings so sincerely and with such genuine interest.

Not long after that he came to her door with some news he'd been waiting to share all day.

"I'm getting baptized next month," he proudly stated.

She wasn't surprised.

"He's golden." the missionaries would tell her. "He's so ready."

"Congratulations," she said, genuinely happy for him.

The morning of his baptism arrived. They drove together in his jeep to a remote beach on the other side of the island.

Dressed in white he stood on the soft, cool sand. The morning light glistened on the waves as they approached the waters edge.

As they waded out to a deeper spot a prideful thought entered her mind, "Another baptism Andria,... this is becoming quite a trend." She remembered the young man in Texas who'd also been baptized. No sooner had this thought entered her mind then the spirit reproved her sharply.... "This is our Day," the voice sounded in her mind. "This is between me and my son."

It came so strongly, she felt ashamed thinking that this had happened because of her. She'd been chastised, and rightfully so. This was not about her. How selfish and arrogant for her to think so.

She watched him out there in the water standing next to Elder Woodward. The sunlight streamed down upon them. The missionary's hand raised powerfully to the square as he proclaimed the words to the baptismal prayer. As he rose from the water she was immediately flooded with a wave of emotion. The spirit washed over her bringing a feeling of love and peace. Unexpected tears streamed down her cheeks. This was one of God's sons. A faithful man who was taking a very important step in his life. He wasn't doing this for her. She may have been the motivation to listen, but his conversion had nothing to do with his feelings for me. It was a startling and humbling realization.

When he came out of the water she saw him in a new light. A new found respect grew in her heart and she began to see him for the man that he was. A man that she was growing to love.

-Chapter 6-
A Growing Romance

He'd planned their first date down to the last detail. But more importantly he'd planned that before the night was through he was going to kiss her.

He'd requested a table right on the water and timed their dinner reservation so the sun would be setting over Waikiki beach as they ate. It was perfect.

After dinner he suggested they take a walk along the water. They left their shoes hidden in the sand and walked under the twinkling lights of the waterfront hotels. The sand felt soft and cool beneath their feet. The sound of the tide breaking in the distance and the rush of the ocean echoed in their ears. They walked for a while, hand in hand down the beach. When they reached the long pier that stretched out over the water, he suggested they walk to the end. It had been a wonderful night. Perfect...romantic.

As they reached the end of the pier she paused for a few moments looking out at the water. She turned back toward the beach thinking that they'd head back toward the restaurant now, but he had something else on his mind.

He'd tried this weeks ago but she had artfully dodged his advances leaving his lips only wanting her more.

He pulled back on her hand, tightening his grip as she turned to walk away. He wants to stay longer, she thought. She turned back to face him and with one fluid motion he pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. There was no escaping him now. He felt her body tighten in his embrace, then relax into his arms as the warmth of his kiss spread through her body. It was like a pail of warm honey being poured over her head slowly reaching it's way down to her toes.

He'd kissed her, and he'd kissed her good.

The whole walk back she blushed every time she recalled it in her mind.

She was falling in love. Hopelessly and uncontrollably. Unable to resist his advances any longer she opened her heart and let it happen.

They hiked to Sacred Falls on her birthday. He gave her a locket with their pictures inside. They snorkeled with sea turtles on the north shore, ate hamburgers at The Shack on their way back from Hanauma Bay. Boogie boarded at Makapu'u and went shopping at the Ala Moana Mall. He attended church with her each week as the conviction to his new found faith continued to grow.

Months went by, things were getting serious. She knew his intentions. She'd known all along. He wanted to marry her and one by one he was climbing over the hurdles she'd placed in his path. There was one more hurdle left, and he knew it. After his baptism he'd learned that he'd need to wait a year before he'd be worthy to take her to the temple. It's what she had always wanted, and he knew how determined she was to reach her goals.

It killed him to have to wait a whole year to have her, but he knew she was worth it, and he wasn't about to give up now.

So, he waited.

-Chapter 7-
Decision Time

She was grateful for the time. Grateful that she had months before she had to think and pray about this decision. She'd been enjoying this new romance. Enjoying how it made her feel. It was like nothing she'd ever experienced. She had been in love before- twice. But she had never felt it as powerfully as she now did.

But although she loved him deeply, there was a part of her that still didn't know what to do.

All of her life she'd dreamed of the man she would marry. She'd even gone as far as to write down a list in her journal of qualities she'd wanted him to have. She'd set goals for herself trying to live a good life so she'd be worthy of such a man. Through the years she'd made some revisions to this list, adding qualities that past boyfriends had lacked, but at the top of this list there were things that had never changed. Things that (as a convert), he could never be. He didn't fit the cookie-cutter ideal she'd created in her mind and this led to a growing confusion over what she should do.

She felt torn. Torn between two possible decisions, with each potential outcome she felt she stood to lose.

If she did marry him she'd have to give up her pride and let go of that "ideal" in her mind. This would not be easy to do. She'd come from a self-righteous family and although she knew it was wrong, she still placed a great deal of importance on outward "signs" of worthiness. Her oldest sister, (who she'd always looked up to), had married the son of a stake president, an Eagle scout, a returned-missionary. She knew if she married Aaron she wouldn't have those "titles" following after his name. She wanted those things, not just for her own security but to satisfy her vanity and pride. She felt she deserved them.

And then if she didn't marry him she knew that her heart would truly break. She wanted more than anything to be with him. In all other ways he perfectly fit her ideal of what she was looking for in a man.

She wrestled with this problem for weeks. She knew she must decide but as hard as she tried she couldn't make this decision on her own.

One night, bothered with this growing dilemma, she escaped from her duties on the operations floor, to study her CDC's in the pit. It was quiet down there, no one was around. She went in and out of thought pondering this decision in her mind. It tormented her and a dark cloud of confusion clouded her thoughts. She didn't know what to do so she began to pray in her mind, seeking guidance from God.

She trusted Him. He'd always been there to hear and answer her prayers. He knew what would bring her happiness, and she trusted Him to guide her to it. She always knew she'd include him in this decision but now more than ever she needed his wisdom and guidance in her life.

Finally, in desperation, she cried out to Him in her mind. "I just want to know....Please, tell me what I'm to do", she prayed.

It was a moment of honest, and heartfelt submission to His will. She'd decided that no matter how hard it might be, she'd do what He directed. If it meant breaking up with him, she would. If it meant throwing away her pride and lofty ideals, she would. In her deepest moment of desperation, her heart let go of her will as she firmly resolved to follow His.

And just as strongly as her conviction to follow Him came, so too did His answer.

It came with great strength and it came with great peace.

An immense feeling of warmth flooded into her soul. The spirit pressed upon her with great strength as clear, distinctive words formed in her mind.

"He is your eternal companion,.....He is your eternal companion,......"

Tears of peace streamed down her face as these words were spoken over and over again in her mind.

Like the sun breaking apart the dark clouds, all the doubt and confusion she'd once felt melted away from her mind. Things that once tormented her no longer seemed important. They were washed away, bathed in the peace of His spirit.

For two days this overwhelming feeling of peace remained with her. She woke the next morning and it was still there. Strong and constant it remained with her assuring her that this was real. God had answered her prayer. She couldn't believe the change in her heart but she welcomed its peace and basked in its warmth.

Without a shadow of doubt she now knew what she would do.

If he asked, she would say "Yes."

-Chapter 8-
The Proposal

He carried the ring from Tiffany's in the pocket of his leather jacket.
He'd made a reservation for dinner at Duke's on Waikiki beach. His mind flashed back to their first date over 6 months before. After dinner they walked the beach again heading for the pier. It was their special spot now and they walked hand in hand with great love in their hearts.

As they reached the pier a warm rain sprinkled from the sky. He said a quick prayer hoping it would stop. A moment later it did.

They neared the end of the pier waiting for the other couples to leave. She wanted him to kiss her again, in their special spot. And he, knowing what he was about to do, sought privacy for this intimate moment.

Soon the other couples left and he kissed her tenderly in the moonlight. He led her to a nearby bench on the side of the pier. They sat quietly looking out at the water as she snuggled into him. He pulled her close.

"I have a present for you," he whispered in her hear.

He drew a small turquoise box from his pocket. TIFFANY'S was written on the front. For a moment her heart did a little flip wondering if he was going to propose.

"It's not what you think," he said, not wanting her to be disappointed.

She smiled curiously. After all, it was still a gift. She loved that he always bought her such wonderful things.
She untied the white ribbon and lifted the cardboard lid. A bottle of perfume was nestled inside.

As she opened the lid to smell the fragrance from the corner of her eye she saw his hand reach back into his pocket. In the same instant he slid off his seat and dropped down on one knee presenting her with a stunning diamond solitaire.

"Tiffany's was having a sale", he said sheepishly.

"Buy one bottle of perfume....... and get a free diamond ring."

Then in a serious tone he looked into her eyes and asked her if she would marry him and be his eternal companion.

"Yes." she answered, feeling silly that she couldn't think of a more eloquent response.

He slid the ring onto her finger as tears streamed down her face.

They kissed and excitedly walked back down the pier officially engaged.

He was going to wait until October to propose but he was being deployed soon and he wanted that ring on her finger while he was away.

Every time she looked down at it she was filled with pride, especially after learning that he'd sold his motorcycle and taken out a loan to pay for it. He was such a classy guy sacrificing all he had to give her the best he could.

When he returned from his deployment at Christmas they only had four more months to go.

-Chapter 10-
Happily Ever After

As they planned their wedding they knew precisely when and where it would be:
One year from his baptism date and in the Salt Lake Temple.

There was a temple in Hawaii, but she couldn't be persuaded to marry there. It didn't matter that Salt Lake City was an ocean away. She would never consider anywhere else, and he didn't mind. Because he knew exactly why her heart was so set on this temple.....

Many years ago she'd made a promise to herself and she intended to keep that promise.

One summer her family had taken a trip to Yellowstone National Park. On their way home they'd stopped in Utah to visit Temple Square in Salt Lake City.

She walked on the grounds surrounding this magnificent edifice, gazing at the beauty of its spires. They seemed to reach up toward heaven but they also reached into her heart. She walked past the statues and fountains with a quiet reverence. She felt that she was standing on holy ground. There was a peace and serenity here, she didn't want to leave this beautiful place.

Sitting on the stepping stone in front of the temple she'd asked her older brother to take her picture. Moments later a newly married couple approached the same spot. They stood there posing for their wedding picture.

"One day," she promised herself, "I'll come here to be married too. I'll return to this very spot with the man of my dreams standing by my side." She knew she would never settle for anything less.

...and she hadn't. She returned with Aaron on that April morning.

Kneeling across the alter, inside this holy temple she looked into his eyes. The same twinkle was there, the one she first saw when he was just a guy helping to fix her bike. A smile spread across her lips as a tear welled up in her eye.

A long awaited promise was being fulfilled. It hadn't come in the way she'd expected, but it had come nonetheless, and it was everything she'd hoped it would be.

The words of the covenant were pronounced and they were sealed for time and eternity as husband and wife. They passed through the beautiful temple doors and walked down the stone steps into the warm spring sunshine as husband and wife.

After having their pictures taken in the temple gardens there was one more place she wanted to go.
She led her husband across the street as the photographer followed closely behind. She walked with reverence as she approached the familiar stone step, remembering the promise of her youth.

Standing where she had once stood years ago she looked into his eyes and smiled. He pulled her to him kissing her lips as a gentle breeze caught her veil and sent it swirling into the air. A promise had been fulfilled. A covenant made, and happiness found.

Together they lived, sharing their lives and their love for many years to come.

THE END

What would you do?

2011-04-12T16:32:00.001-07:00

This letter was taped to my door tonight. It's from Jacob in regard to his brother. In case you can't read it I will rewrite it here:

Dear Mom,
Why won't you let me beat up Joseph? Push-ups are way too easy now that we're older. Besides when you give him the punishment he doesn't get the idea to stop. But when you let me get him he learns to be afraid of me and to actually stop. It's your choice if you want fighting to stop. My ways best.

Love, Jacob

Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly refereeing these two boys trying to keep the peace in our home. Joseph loves to aggravate and irritate Jacob and usually Jacob is very good about controlling his anger but sometimes he loses it and will take off after his brother with me intervening before any harm is done. Aaron suggested recently that I should let Jacob beat him up one time so that Joseph would learn to respect his older brother and stop "provoking him to wrath." So recently, I decided to give this method a try. One evening after repeated provoking I didn't intervene when Jacob lost his temper and chased after his brother. It wasn't long before he caught up to him, pinned him down and started punching him in the back and face while Joseph yelled out for me to "call him off."

Reluctantly, I held back trying not to intervene. I felt unsure about this new approach but I was at my wits end. I let him continue for no more than a minute or two until I saw a pool of blood spilling out of his nose onto the hardwood floor. I told Jacob to stop and came running to Joseph's rescue. There was so much blood I started shaking and crying as we cleaned it up. "What have I done, " I thought.

I can't handle that approach so I guess I'll just go back to my previous approach of trying to teach Joseph to stop provoking his brother and teach Jacob patience and longsuffering. Jacob is right though, giving his brother push-ups for bad behavior is not leading to any less fighting in our home and I'm still left wondering what to do.

Suggestions anyone?

Motherhood

2011-04-12T15:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Lauren walked into the room with her toy phone wanting to have a pretend conversation.

"Pretend I'm at college Mama,"she said.

"Okay," I replied holding my hand up to my ear.

After a few exchanges about her "classes" and "missing home" I wondered about what she might want to study in college...

"What do you want to be when you grow up Lauren?" I asked.

After a big sigh (apparently I should have known the answer), she wrapped her little arms around my neck and said decidedly....

"I want to be a Mommy."

Her answer reminded me of a poem I found years ago when my children were very young:

I'd rather be a mother than anyone on earth,

Bringing up a child or two of unpretentious birth...

I'd rather tuck a little child all safe and sound in bed,

than twine a chain of diamonds about my carefree head.

I'd rather wash a smudgy face with round, bright, baby eyes,

Than paint the pageantry of fame or walk among the wise.

-- Meredith Gray

Although my little one's faces are not quite as smudgy or pudgy as they used to be and their infant cries have now grown into quarrels and contention. I still count myself lucky each night to tuck them in bed and kiss them goodnight. It's still with pride and great pleasure that I fill in the blank under "occupation" with the word "Mother."

These thoughts were fresh on my mind when I spent the afternoon this week in Joseph's 2nd grade class sorting through hand drawn self portraits of what the kids had said they wanted to be when they grew up. They were adorable. As I flipped through each one I couldn't help but smile at the diversity in each child's dream. I've known many of these kids for years and so it was fun to see them imagining themselves in future careers that seemed incredibly fitting to their little personalities, even at this young age.

Another observation I noted was that none of the little girls had said that they wanted to be a mother. I found this very interesting and frankly a little sad. It made me reflect upon our modern world. Being a mother and homemaker seem to be a dying art. Many people today don't view motherhood & homemaking as an acceptable occupation simply because there is no monetary gain. I worry that the joy and beauty found in motherhood will never be realized by many women because they are trained to think that there is no value in doing something that doesn't earn them a paycheck.

The greatest joys in life cannot be measured in monetary ways. Who can put a price on the joy received during a tender moment with your child or pay you for the satisfaction you feel when you see your children learning such lessons as kindness, courage and perseverance? Money cannot buy that sense of accomplishment you feel when you see your children growing into leaders among their peers or watching their talents grow and develop as a result of your personal efforts on their behalf. There is nothing like the joy that comes when you are able to offer comfort and guidance to your children as they struggle to overcome their day to day challenges.

Not only do you benefit from watching them grow but in seeing yourself change and transform in the process. I've learned more about my own weaknesses and shortcomings by being a mother than I ever thought I would. It has been a humbling and sometimes painful experience to see your children bring out the worst in you. I used to think that I had the patience of Job, until I had children and was humbled into realizing how very far I had to go.

But they also bring out the best in you including the deepest levels of our your most human emotions. I used to think that I knew what love and sacrifice was until I held my first child in my arms and realized that without hesitation I'd give my life to protect him. I've learned about going without in order that my children might have more. More of me, more of my love and more of the comfort and security that each child craves within the walls of their home. And sometimes this means there's less time and energy to do the things that I want to do but its that sacrifice that strengthens my love for them and teaches me about priorities and what's really important. Giving up my portion of ice cream so that there is more to add to their bowls has never left me feeling deprived but surprisingly fulfilled as I see the joy that my sacrifice has given them.

I've learned more about God and have become closer to Him in the process. I've learned how much I need him to do my best and be my best. I've learned that on my own I fail miserably and that I don't like myself very much when I'm left to my own strength. I've learned about the kind of love that God has for all of us and the importance of treating others with the same kindness and respect that we wish our children would treat their brothers and sisters. I've learned about how it must hurt our Father in Heaven to see us treating each other unkindly as it hurts my heart to see my children inflicting pain on each other.

I've learned of the importance of trusting in God and being obedient to his counsel and guidance because he knows much more than I do and wants what's best for me just as I want what's best for my children.

I used to think that being a mother was all about what I could teach my children. Little did I how much I would learn from them. The lessons are hard and often ongoing but the daily struggles and experiences provide me with an array of opportunities to learn sacrifice, patience and unconditional love. These lessons and what they have done for me could never be measured in a monetary way, nor could the joy that they bring ever be equated to temporal wealth but they are nonetheless something of a treasure to me as I continue in my lifelong career as a Mother.

Life with Boys...

2011-04-03T12:13:00.000-07:00

You know you have sons when you look up at the clock to see the time and can hardly read the numbers for all the bullets stuck to its face. Apparently our clock is more useful to them as a bulls-eye than anything else.

Not Lucky, just Clever

2011-03-10T22:32:00.000-08:00

Wonder tickets are all the rage in Ms. Janes' First grade class.

She passes them out to unsuspecting students when she sees them staying on task or doing good deeds. When you get a wonder ticket you write your name on the back then drop it in a box on the teachers desk. At the end of the day she pulls 1 or 2 tickets from the box and the chosen students get to pick something from her treat bucket.

Every time I volunteer in Ben's class he is one of the "lucky ones" whose wonder ticket is picked.

"This kid is so stinking lucky," I thought to myself today. "There has to be at least 50 wonder tickets in there. How does he always get picked?"

On a side note, I'm convinced that there is such thing as a "luck gene," although it's most definitely NOT in my DNA. I've suspected for a while now that my oldest son inherited it from his father and I was beginning to think that Ben had it too, but not anymore.

Today, Ben let me in on his wonder ticket winning strategy.

"Mom, " he whispered in my ear at the end of class.

"You wanna know how I always get picked to do the treat bucket?"

I looked at him in wonder. He went on...

"I save up my tickets for a whole week. Then I put them in,......... all at the same time,..... right on top."

Of course!

Just then Ms. Jane announced it was time to pull wonder tickets before heading to the buses.

Ben gave me a knowing look.

"Benjamin!" said Ms. Jane, holding his ticket high in the air.

Ben shot me a smile with a twinkle in his eye.

"You're such a lucky boy Ben, you got picked again!" said his teacher.

I suppressed a smile as he walked to the front of the class to pick his treat.

He's not lucky, I thought.
He's just clever.

I love my little Ben.

Ben showing me his "Square One Art" picture he drew of himself at the beach.
(I love the snorkel nose)

Busted

2011-02-28T08:19:00.001-08:00

This morning at breakfast Lauren was ratted out by her brother. I'd just given the kids their vitamins when I overheard Joseph telling his brothers some very interesting information:

"Hey guys,.... Lauren has a collection of these up in her room." he said.

"What?" Jacob replied.

"Yeah, I was up in her room yesterday and she has a whole pile of vitamins in a basket under her vanity!"

I looked at Lauren for her response to this accusation but she'd cleverly stuffed a spoonful of oatmeal in her mouth. Perfect timing. She chewed and chewed as I patiently waited for her response. Her big eyes looked straight ahead, a guilty smile spread over her face.

Her brothers busted up with laughter.

I was trying not to laugh too.

I went up to her room to confirm the story and sure enough on the corner of her pink little vanity sat 6 partially sucked on multi-vitamins.

Busted.

So Frustrated

2011-02-23T21:45:00.000-08:00

Imagine a certain 7 year old boy (almost 8) yelling these phrases at you as he storms upstairs to his room after being asked to get his pajamas on 5 times (within a 5 minute time frame). Let the record show that the first 2 times were asked nicely, the third with frustration, the 4th or 5th time I totally lost it yelling at him like some crazy lady. Now, be sure to picture him saying these things with a great deal of emotion in his voice and tears streaming down his face.

"You hate me!"

"I feel like I want to run away!"

"Just kill me, kill me please!"

"I want a different family!"

"Just sell me, put a 'For Sale' sign on me!"

Okay, so tonight he didn't use all of these phrases. He actually used the 3rd, but I guarantee if I'd been recording him today you'd have heard at least 2 of the other ones too.

The above phrases have become Josephs fallback lines anytime he is scolded, corrected, reprimanded or "unfairly punished."

Tonight when I tucked him in bed he rolled away from me as I leaned in to kiss him goodnight.

Inside I silently groaned, frustrated that suddenly I'm the bad guy because I yelled at him instead of him having a single rational thought like, "Maybe if I had gotten my pajamas on the first or even second or third time she asked I wouldn't have been yelled at."

I'm not justifying my behavior, I know I shouldn't have yelled. Maybe if I was a better person I could handle the amount of annoying things he does in a 24 hour span and always keep my cool, always be patient, and never be irritated. But I'm not and I can't.

Aaron's at basketball right now so unfortunately I have no one to vent to. I'll probably end up deleting this post anyway so what the heck, I'm going to say it like it is....

He is the center of almost all fights/contention in our home. He has to be asked multiple times to do things, all the time. He is annoying like you would not believe. He cuts his siblings off verbally with comments that he knows will irritate them or make them mad. He intentionally torments and teases his younger siblings almost as if he takes pleasure in it. He takes FOREVER to do things......I could add more to this list but that's the gist of it.

Right now I'm feeling two things. Anger and sadness.

I'm sad because when he uses his "fallback phrases" it reminds me of my own childhood and how I similarly felt like no one loved me and I wanted to run away. I seriously thought about it a few times. When I think about him feeling this way too (which he genuinely does- he is not manipulating me) it makes me so sad.

I feel angry because he's so irrational in his thinking that he fails to make the connection that his choices and his behavior are what's leading him to being scolded, reprimanded, corrected or punished. I am not picking on him, I am not a mean Mom, and I do not love his brothers more than him. Yes, sometimes I yell at him, sometimes I lose my temper with him. I'm not proud of that. It makes me angry that I can't keep it together all the time. But seriously for him to use his fallback phrases and say those things when I do slip up? It's just not fair.

He has no idea how annoying he is and how hard I try. How much I've improved with biting my tongue and letting things go...
But it doesn't matter. None of it matters because he's genuinely hurt and in his little boy head I am picking on him, I am a mean Mom and I don't love him.

That is the worst part about all of this: He doesn't feel like I love him. It doesn't matter that I do love him or how many tender moments we can share or all the nice, sweet things I say and do for him. In his mind, I don't love him.

I'm reading a book right now because of him, it's entitled: How to really love your Child. It talks about kids who are loved not feeling that they are loved and how parents can better show their children their love.

I'm hoping it will help.

I'm tired. I'm going to bed.

A Lovers Poem

2011-02-11T07:34:00.000-08:00

I have a wonderful friend that planned a special Valentines day gathering for all of us friends with our significant others. "A sophisticated night of Fondue and Poetry" she promised.

Everyone was asked to bring a love poem to share. One you'd written or one of your favorites. Aaron wrote me a poem that afternoon, he was was working from home. (He's not typically a poet). In fact it was his first poem ever and it was very cute.

And so, I figured I'd better write one too.

I'll share his later when I have more time to explain his innuendos. (: There were a lot of things that only I understood. I'd like to blog some of those stories at another time so we'll always remember what inspired his rhymes.

But here is the poem that I wrote for him. The picture is from one of our favorite beaches on Oahu. Makapu'u. Once Aaron wanted to go there late one night on a full moon to swim. It was this scene in my minds eye that I thought of when writing these words. Well,.... that and my husbands love....

Thanks Mary for giving me a reason to pen my feelings for him.

Your Love

Your love, like an ocean, pulled at my heart
as the tide pulls upon the shore.
Constant and steady, persistent melody,
Your love waited at my door.

A full moon, a quiet lagoon,
your waters drew me in.
I approached your shore; wanting but unsure.
I couldn’t resist diving in.

Immersed in your warmth
I swam in your waters looking up at the starry night.
You pulled me under beneath your waves,
Fear seized my unknowing heart.

I held my breath enjoying the stillness
of your underwater realm.
Swimming deeply, so peacefully,
I felt that I’d come home.

I came up for breath and gazed at the shore,
where a moment ago I’d been.
Then swam out deeper, and dove back under
holding my breath for him.

Returning to your waters, you pulled me under
and I swam in your depths again.
Only this time I chose to stay down under,
I chose to breath you in.

You filled me inside with a new kind of life,
breathing your love into me.
Drowned in the depths of your unyielding devotion
I finally began to see.

The beauty of, your tender love
within your warmest deep.
You flowed into the heart of me
and I never wanted to leave.

Your love like an ocean still pulls at my heart
as the tide pulls upon the shore.
Constant and steady a persistent melody.
I’ll be yours forever more.

-Andria Laws
2-11-11

"I Couldn't Resist my Mothers Love."

2011-02-06T14:01:00.001-08:00

These words have been haunting me since I read them from an Ensign article last month. It was written by a man recalling his youth and the difficult struggle he had one year as he faced the decision of whether or not he would serve a mission. He didn't want to.

During the summer he'd taken a job in which he had to wake up very early. His mother, he remembered, would get up with him while the rest of his family slept. She'd cook him breakfast and sit with him at the table before he left. She would talk to him about his day, what he thought and felt about anything and everything. Through her words she'd share her testimony, nourishing him daily with her faith. She was ever loving, never judging. He felt of her love, assured that she'd love him no matter what decision he made.

By the end of the summer he had changed his mind. He wanted to serve a mission. "I couldn't resist my mothers love," he said.

I've thought about this the past few weeks, again and again.

Because I have a son that even in his tender age I worry about. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I worry over his rebellious nature and how it may manifest itself during his formative years. This story and quote has brought me great comfort through these concerns. I have since felt a greater desire to show him sweeter, more tender love.

There is nothing more powerful in this world than true, unconditional love. It's the kind of love that this mother had for her son and the kind of love that our dear Savior has for each of us. He loves us no matter what and believes in us even when we've lost hope in ourselves.

This kind of love is what I strive to give my children. I am sooooo NOT there yet. But I know that if I work toward this goal, great good will come.

And if my worst fears are realized and I have a child that loses his way. I hope that my love for him will be great enough, tender enough that he too won't be able to resist it. And with this love I will do my best to bring him back to the arms of our Saviors love where true peace and healing come.

Fighting

2011-01-26T18:57:00.001-08:00

There's been a lot of fighting around here lately.

Unnecessary, petty bickering that starts at the breakfast table and doesn't end even when the lights are out and they're supposed to be going to sleep.

I think I've been putting up with it for so long now that I don't even notice it anymore. It's kind of like that canary my Mom brought home when I was a kid. The first few weeks that bird sang so much my brother and I thought we'd go crazy. We couldn't even watch Duck Tales or Rescue Rangers without sitting right in front of the TV with the volume turned way up.

The funny thing about that canary is after a while he didn't seem to sing as much or as loud. Then one day I had a friend over and she kept commenting on how loud our canary was....I had become so used to it that I had tuned it out.

I think that's what's happened with me and the boys fighting.

Last week I was at my uncle's house for 5 wonderfully quiet, peaceful days. When I came home on Saturday it was like being thrown into a house full of loud, singing canaries.

I'm sorry to say that I didn't even really miss the kids. Or maybe I should say that I didn't miss their fighting. It was so nice to have a break away from it all.

This week for FHE I was doing the lesson on the Good Samaritan hoping that I could help my children to see that Jesus's instruction to be kind and loving to others also includes members of your family.

It wasn't that great of a lesson and the kids were bickering about something during the puzzle activity I gave them at the end.

As I was wrapping things up and trying to bear my testimony I lost it. I totally started crying.

I told them how much it hurts me to see them fighting with each other. That when I was a little girl dreaming about my future home and family this was not what I had imagined. I just wanted them to love each other and get along.

It got really quiet. I thought for a moment that maybe mom crying was a good thing. But it was a short lived hope. Minutes later they started fighting again while they brushed their teeth for bed.

The next day Aaron and I were driving back from an appointment when I had a passing thought that I shared with him...

"What do you think about moving Jacob out of the boys room and letting him have his own room?"

We had discussed this a couple years ago but ultimately agreed that they needed to learn to work things out. We'd also thought that things would get better as they got older but the test of time was showing us that it wasn't getting any better it was only getting worse.

So on our way home we stopped at Target and bought some things to get Jacob set up in the spare room which would now be his room.

The greatest friction in our household lies between Jacob and Joseph, they're like oil and water. Jacob is very mature, responsible and orderly and Joseph is, well....quite the opposite. Joseph is always telling Jacob to stop acting like a grownup. And Jacob is always telling Joseph to just grow up. Benjamin takes his turn fighting with them both but the worst of it is between these two.

So last night we made the announcement, moved his things, and for the first time Jacob slept in his own bed in his own room.

And with this move I've had to say goodbye to the dream of having my 3 sons grow up sharing a bedroom creating fond memories of staying up late telling funny stories, talking about their crushes, building those brotherly bonds. It makes me a little sad to say goodbye to what I had built up in my mind as being such a special thing. I've traded that dream with the hope that my dream of living in a home filled with more love and harmony, and less fighting and bickering will be closer to my reality.

I know this is not a solution but I think that the less interaction they have the less conflict there will inevitably be.

If anyone has something they've done that has helped reduce the fighting and fostered more love between their children please let me know. I'm especially interested to hear from those of you who have boys.

This is why I love Joseph

2011-01-12T15:14:00.001-08:00

I found this on the floor in the office, written with a pink highlighter pen....

And last week when Aaron and I went up to bed we found this note on our pillow by the same sweet boy...

On a very regular basis Joseph says and does things that make me feel like I'm going to go insane with frustration. He can be so obnoxious, irreverent and crazy. I'm so grateful that he's also such a tender-hearted boy. The thoughtful things he says and does make me love him so much. I've been trying harder lately to overlook his quirkiness and stop letting it stress me out so much. It's obvious that my parenting won't "change" him (see the quote on the header of this blog) and I worry that the frequency of him seeing me frustrated with him could damage our relationship. It's been a challenge but I think it's important for me to work on letting these things go. Soooooo,.....here's to savoring his sweetness (like these letters) and enduring the other stuff.

Just say you forgive me

2011-01-03T17:11:00.000-08:00

Lauren was mad at me because I told her she had to clean her room before I'd let her watch a My Little Pony DVD. She started throwing a fit as I headed downstairs to unpack some stuff from our trip. While I was downstairs Joseph came into the bathroom informing me that Lauren (in her rage) had shattered one of the glass balls from the Christmas tree when she threw it over the banister. It was one of my favorite ornaments and I was upset, but with 3 boys I've had MANY of my things destroyed and consequently I've become numb to this sort of thing.

A few minutes later Lauren came downstairs crying. I asked her if breaking the ornament had been an accident to which she replied: "No, I did it on purpose because I was mad." I could tell that she felt bad about breaking it though. As I headed down the hall to survey the damage I told her, "I don't even know what to say to you right now I'm so upset." She followed behind me crying and in a desperate voice said, "Just say you forgive me!"

Sassy Girl

2010-11-20T17:28:00.000-08:00

I was picking out a card at the store today when I got an important phone call. I was only on the phone for about 5 minutes but the whole time Lauren was competing for my attention and being extremely overbearing. When I got off the phone I was NOT happy with her behavior and proceeded to give her a mini lecture about her "not being the center of the universe."

Her response to this was to tell me in her very sassy tone, "Well,..... I don't like you being my Mommy." I wish I could say that I handled this like a mature parent but the immature side of me won that battle and I found myself blurting aloud:
"Well, I don't like you being my little girl."

I was worried that I may have taken it too far and hurt her feelings, but her next response assured me she would be just fine.

"Well you're the one who had me so you 'get what you get and you don't throw a fit'!"

I was speechless.

Monday Mornings

2010-11-15T09:24:00.001-08:00

I light the pumpkin spice candle hoping it's warm aroma will welcome my children down to the breakfast table. Apple streussel muffins are baking in the oven as I pack their lunches for school. I put on soft music to fill our home with the spirit because I remember the feeling of peace that came into our home when my mother played primary songs on the piano. I glance at the clock realizing I need to get upstairs and start waking them up. It brings me back to my own school days. I remember how hard it was to get up on Monday mornings, facing a new day and another week of school. Would it have been easier if I'd had a mother wake me with her warm smile and soft kisses? I think so....but even with my best efforts to sweetly wake my sleeping boys sometimes they're grumpy and don't want to get out of bed- I don't blame them, sometimes I feel like that too.

As I finished up on their lunches I was thinking on these things. Suddenly a feeling of love and compassion came over me. I felt a connection with my children that I haven't felt before. It was a feeling of me being not just their mother but (spiritually speaking) their older sister. Sympathetic to their trials and suffering because I've "been there and done that" not so long ago. I felt the significance of my role as their sister to help ease their burden and smooth their transition into their journey of life. From heaven, to home, to the world. I am the keeper of that gate and my heart aches for them as I think of the world I must send them off into. I hope that the little things I do will soften the sting of the trials they must face. Creating in our home a soft place for them to fall at the end of their day when they're weary from the world.

Nothing hurts me more

2010-10-22T04:44:00.001-07:00

Why does it hurt so bad when someone hurts your child?

A few days ago on the way home from school Joseph was in tears as he told me about 2 older boys that were being mean to him at school. One of them was a boy that he thought was really cool so it was especially painful for him (and for me). As he shared with me the details of what they had said I did my best to comfort him but nothing could take away his pain.
Nothing hurts me more than to see my children suffer. I can't get the sound of his voice cracking with pain as he recounted the details of what they had said. I wish there was something I could do-but there isn't, and that hurts.

Taking it like a man

2010-08-27T23:11:00.000-07:00

When he hurts himself he calls my name,
tears stream down his dirty cheeks.
If he's far away he screams to his brother...
"Go get Mama!!!"
I come running when I hear his cries
not like the other ones which I try to ignore.
This is a different kind of a cry,
the kind that tells me he's really in pain.
I know there's nothing I can do to make the hurting go away
but still I run to his aid, to hold him, to rock him,
to press his head against my cheek as I whisper in his ear:
"mama's here..., I know it hurts...., I'm so sorry that happened."

Today I was at the park watching the boys ride their bikes over the dirt bike trails.
An older boy in his late teens was there doing jumps & tricks. He fell off his bike coming down from a jump and hit hard, really hard. The mother in me gasped and almost leapt out of my chair to see if he was okay. In obvious pain, he abandoned his bike. Walking off somewhere to be alone. He leaned over behind a tree, I couldn't see if he was crying or not. There were other teenagers there, his friends I think. They watched him walk off but left him alone. Letting him deal with it like a man I suppose. After a minute or two one of the teenage girls followed after him to see if he was okay...

As I watched this unfold I wondered at what point does a boy change from instinctively calling out for his mother to pushing everyone away to inwardly deal with the pain? The boys still call out for me when they're really hurt. It doesn't happen very often anymore because they're getting so tough. But when it does, I come running. Grateful for these moments when my arms and soothing words can bring some degree of comfort to their pain as I wonder upon the day when this will all change.

A little girl and her bottle of lotion

2010-08-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

A date with Daddy to the mall, her tiny hand in his.
Walking from store to store they go,
so proud of his little girl.
Patiently she waits as he stops at the apple store
He picks up his new phone,
then takes her to dinner at Cinnabon.
(I love that he confesses this with no hint of shame)
After eating they walk through more stores,
he wants to buy something for his little girl.
Sparkly shoes or pretty clothes?
"Daddy, I love this!" she says to almost everything she sees....
In the end, Bath & Body Works has just the thing;
a little bottle of sweet smelling lotion.
What girl doesn't love a new fragrance?

As I tucked her in bed tonight I couldn't help but smile at this happy little girl holding her little bottle of lotion from her Daddy.

Remember These?

2010-08-19T09:40:00.000-07:00

We were camping last week and I kept seeing this thing laying around. The boys were playing with it off and on and finally I got curious and opened it up to see what "fortunes" lied inside.
I smiled when I read them.....Jacob came up with these:

1-You will get a black eye!

2-You will be in the military.

3-You might wrestle a wolf.

4-You will go camping in the snow.

5-You will get a jeep.

6-You will be a baseball star.

7-You might not go to college.

8-You will not break your leg.

I love boys.

My Elder Brother

2010-07-07T02:49:00.000-07:00

It's almost 3am. I woke up about an hour ago to see an amazing moon hovering over the tops of the trees. It was so beautiful I decided to go downstairs and set up the telescope on the front porch. After several unsuccessful attempts, (I am hopelessly tech-retarded) I came back upstairs, crawled in bed and had to settle for looking at the moon and stars through the window instead. I laid there for a while looking up at the clear summer night.
Staring at the stars always makes me think of heaven and God and my purpose here on earth. Perhaps that's why, I'm not sure, but as I lay there my thoughts turned to my Savior and I recalled again the beautiful details of an experience I had as a young girl. I don't know why but I feel really impressed that I should share it here.

To put it mildly, I didn't grow up in a very loving and nurturing home. But despite this upbringing, from my earliest memories I was deeply aware that I had a Father in Heaven who knew me and loved me. As a child there were many times when I would cry myself to sleep at night and the only thing that comforted me was the sense of His love and understanding for the trials and abuse I endured. I never doubted his existence or His love. I knew I was a daughter of a Heavenly Father and that he loved me. He gave me hope that one day I could have the life I wanted; filled with love, acceptance and goodness. I held onto that hope and it carried me through until the day I kneeled across the alter from my husband in the House of the Lord.

Although I had a deep and abiding love for God, my Father in Heaven, I am ashamed to say that at that time in my life I did not share the same affection for my elder brother and Savior. I remember struggling with this for weeks feeling guilt that I had such great love for my Heavenly Father but I felt little emotion toward His son, Jesus Christ. I'd been taught in primary (Sunday school) that Jesus had lived a perfect life and had never sinned or made a mistake. He was tutored by the spirit and angels administered to Him teaching Him of His role and mission in life. I vividly remember the thoughts that ran through my head one day as I played outside in an old shed that I used for my playhouse . "If I had angels by my side helping me, I think it would be much easier to be perfect." In my young heart there began to grow an ignorant resentment that he was somehow given special privilege. I began to feel that it wasn't fair, that He had been given an unfair advantage. I'm embarrassed to confess that I felt this way but at that time in my life I was really struggling with feelings of self worth and was facing some personal problems that left me feeling far from perfect.

Not long after having these thoughts I had a dream. In my dream I was outside by the same shed playing with my sister and best friend. I soon found myself alone standing in the tall summer grass. I turned to see where they had gone and saw instead a figure dressed in white standing just a short distance from me. Immediately I recognized who He was and felt of His divinity and love. All prior feelings of resentment melted away but in his presence I was flooded with a wave of embarrassment as I recalled my recent thoughts. I came to Him and began to cry as I fell to my knees in shame. He never said a word to me and I never saw his face but my heart learned volumes of his love and mercy when He put his arms around me and pressed me to his bosom. Words cannot express the warmth and peace that I felt. I never wanted to leave his embrace. I woke from that dream, my pillow wet with tears, still feeling the warmth of his arms around me. I think back on this experience from time to time (as I did tonight) and cherish it in my heart. Years later when I was in high school, I wrote this poem about my dream.

My Elder Brother

Radiant Robes of the purest white,
glowing like the sun.
All in shame, I fall to my knees
as I recognize the Son.

It was his eyes that never I saw
or His facial features
and yet I recognized His hands,
I knew he was my teacher.

Not a word was spoken,
nothing could be said.
No answer to my worries needed,
my spirit had been fed.

The warmth and love I felt for Him
as I wept upon his robes
His warm, gentle hand assuring me
that I'd never be alone.

How this vision given to me,
one night in a dream.
Has brought His spirit closer to me
when in times of need.

Now I know without a doubt
the love of my Elder Brother.
To know of His sacrifice for me,
so I may live forever.

All at peace I am inside,
when I think of your warming embrace
I could have lived forever there...
in your arms, with a tear-stained face.

By Andria Cole 12-12-94

Benjamin- my little fighter

2010-06-25T11:03:00.001-07:00

It doesn't matter to him that he's younger, half their size and physically outmatched. When his mind is made up prepare yourself for battle because he will never willingly retreat. He's my little fighter and he's always been this way. At 3 years old he gave me a taste of what was to come when he took something from his older brother and refused to give it back. It was something small that fit in the palm of his hand. His little fist squeezed tightly around it refusing to let go. I intervened, trying to persuade him to return it to his brother, but with no success. I then proceeded to threaten him with punishment if he didn't do as I asked. This also was done in vain. He just stood there with a stern furrow on his brow, staring down at the ground refusing to let go. His fist was clenched so tightly it took me a full minute to pry his vice-like grip open from around the toy.

Benjamin has always been a tough kid but what I learned that day was that his strength lies not only in his muscly body but in his resolve to to do what he wants, when he wants, no matter what the opposition or cost he must pay. It is the cause of many conflicts in our home. His older brothers just want him to do what he's told, but if he disagrees there's always a battle. Just today I broke up a brawl between Jacob and Ben and Jacob was in tears expressing his frustration with his little brother. "I just want to beat him up so bad Mom! Then maybe he'll learn to do what I say!"

But even if Ben did get beat up I don't think it would be the end of his resistance. It's who he is, and although it's frustrating, I believe at the core of this trait lies an admirable virtue. His strong will and unyielding resolve (when bridled and tempered by the spirit) will make him a mighty warrior for the cause of truth.

I can see him as a grown man, strong and unwavering fighting on the front lines of battle firm in his beliefs, unyielding to the opposition. "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places" (Ephesians 6:12)
The Lord needs strong men. Firm in the faith of Christ unyielding to the wickedness of this world. They must be valiant in the cause of truth doing what is right no matter the opposition or cost they must pay. Here's to my strong-willed son; may you always be stubborn in your resolve to follow Christ.

The Life you've built for Us

2010-06-20T09:03:00.001-07:00

When I'm driving somewhere with the kids in the car and one of those new Cameros passes by the boys go crazy....

"Pow, pow, shot that camaro!" they excitedly yell.

It's their unique way of calling "dibs" and owning that "cool car." The other day Jacob told me he was going to buy a corvette when he grew up. I told him how expensive they were and how he'd have to get a really good job to be able to afford one. Then came my motherly discussion on the importance of getting good grades and going to college, blah, blah blah....

As I was talking to them about this I thought of you. I wondered if you ever dreamed of driving one of those fancy cars when you were a boy. Did you? Did you dream about living in a nice house, maybe with a swimming pool? Did you dream of owning your own boat? Then I thought about how hard you've worked to get to where you are today. How carefully you planned your future, setting your goals, putting yourself through college, taking those training courses, getting those extra certifications all to work your way up to where you are today. You're probably right where you wanted to be. But instead of having that fancy car and the "finer" things you chose to be a husband and father and to take care of all of us.

When I saw that new Camaro pass our aging family car (with it's lovely scratches on the side and the bike rack in the back), I thought of how much I'd love to see you driving that car. I sure wish we could have given you one of those for Father's Day. Instead you got your homemade cards and gifts from the kids and you'll keep on driving that P.O.C. commuter and ignore the annoying knocking sound it makes every time you take a corner. I wish your car could be as fantastic as you are. Because you deserve it sweetie, you deserve so many things that you never get.

Words cannot express the emotions that run through my heart when I think of how hard you work to meet our family's needs. Love, gratitude, humility.....they're such empty words.

Do you know how comforting it is for me to know that you'll always take care of us? That you'll provide the food that we eat, the clothes we wear and pay for the heat that warms our home? There's so much that you sacrifice to give our children every opportunity you can. When that alarm goes off each morning you never grumble about having to get up so early for work. You kiss me goodbye and let me keep sleeping. You envy my life of being home with the kids, but if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be able to. My heart is warmed by these thoughts. You give so much and never complain. You work so hard and take so very little for yourself. You always hurry home to be with us and when you're here you spend your time loving us, caring for us, leading us and protecting us. You are everything a man should be.

I feel safe in your care, safe in your love and safe in the life that you've built for us. Thank you, my love.

Happy Father's Day

A Dream

2010-06-18T23:00:00.001-07:00

Just before I woke up this morning I had a dream about Jacob. He was a teenager driving his own car and working a job to earn money for gas. In my dream I wanted to see him and spend time with him but he was gone. He always seemed to be working and there were few opportunities to be together, it made me so sad. Then I woke up.

I laid there for a moment thinking about my dream, happy to be back in reality. But sad at the realization that not long from now summer vacations aren't going to be like they are now. Soon he'll be off mowing lawns or working a job and so will his brothers. They might not always be home at the same time, might not always get the same days off. Like an eclipse our schedules may rarely align allowing us all to be together at the same time.

I feel like I'm starting to get old. Not in the sense that I'm aging (even though I am) but that I'm moving into a different phase of my life. I'm not having babies anymore. My kids are growing up, and it's happening much, much faster than I thought it ever would. Last weekend we attended my nephew's graduation and I started getting choked up as they played the procession and all the graduates filed in. I thought about him being a little boy running around with his brother at our wedding reception. How quickly he seemed to transform into this young man who'll be living in his own apartment and taking college classes this fall. It made me think of my own little boys and how they're older than he was when I first met him. Right now Jacob is almost half way through his time at home. In 9 more years he'll be the one in his cap and gown and we'll soon be saying goodbye to his yesterday's at home.

There are a lot of babies being born in my circle of friends lately. Some of them are younger mothers some of them are older but at a girls night this week three of these mothers brought their infants (all less than a month old). It isn't until you're around a newborn and hear those little sucking sounds as they're nursing, or see the quiver of their little lips as they cry with gas pains that I get glimpses from those earlier days and realize that almost as one hardly notices how spring suddenly grew into summer, I have now entered a new season of my life. I'm not the "new mom" anymore or even the "Mom with pre-schoolers". It doesn't seem like long ago that I was looking to the moms with school age-kids and I saw them in a different way because "they had older kids and were more experienced."

That's me now. Almost all of my kids are in school. Next year I'll only have 1 at home. I'm not pregnant, I'm not having new babies and what's more I don't plan on having any more babies. It's strange how that happens. It's strange how a season of your life that for years was all about nursing, and changing diapers, spoon feeding little ones in high chairs, bouncing babies in the the back of the chapel at church and hauling that stinking infant car carrier on your arm like a darn purse has slowly but surely melted away into what it is today.

Today, as I sat with all the kids on the couch, excitedly showing them the latest books I picked up from the library, I felt so happy that we were all there together. And as we read "The Three Little Wolves and the Big Bad Pig," laughing at the pictures, trying to guess the ending, I felt happy that when it was done they all hung around for more. I just know that it won't be long when Jacob and then Joseph will start to lose interest in picture books and these moments of togetherness will slip into my pasts, just as those days of nap times, Blues Clues, Wednesday playgroups, and Toddler Storytime at the Library have slipped away into my past.

As I've reflected upon this dream, I'm reminded of an embroidered poem I once saw hanging on the wall of a messy home where I babysat as a teenager . It has stayed with me for years and I'm often reminded of it. When the first line comes to my mind I feel the guilt rush in and I know I need to be better and heed it's message....

The cooking and cleaning can wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
I hope that my child looking back on today
Will remember a mother who had time to play;
Because children grow up while you're not looking,
There are years ahead for cleaning and cooking.
So, quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

If I choose to I can spend all day tomorrow enjoying the kids. Jumping on the trampoline, pushing them on the swings, playing soccer in the front yard, fishing in the pond, catching frogs, exploring in the woods walking down to the beach and building driftwood forts. I can spend all day doing whatever I want. Because today they aren't going anywhere. They don't have to go to work, or spend the day up in their room studying for a test or reading a book for English. They don't have mounds of homework that keep them up later than I can wait and they won't be leaving for seminary at the crack of dawn. They won't have their heart in another place, preparing for a date, distracted by some lovely young lady.

Right now their time is mine. And though they can and often do drive me crazy with their bickering and mischief they are still my precious children that I love with all my heart. Sometimes I wonder if they wouldn't drive me as crazy if I'd just loosen up and take more time to have fun and enjoy them instead of letting myself get so stressed out about the house and the messes and all that I need to get done. What is wrong with me? Why am I so obsessive about cleaning? It's so hard for me to leave a mess and do something/ anything until I get it all cleaned up. Even when I do take time and spend it with the kids it's rarely without that nagging ticker in the back of my head thinking about how much time I can allot to sit and read some stories or play with Play-Doh, a game of chess, a tea party or color a picture. Why can't I just relax???
I get so frustrated with myself. I really need to be better at stopping and enjoying these moments.

Maybe that dream came to me for a reason. If it does come true (as I'm sure one day it will) the only thing that is going to comfort me as I'm missing my kids is to know that I enjoyed them while I could. Right now I know that I am not doing this and it fills me with guilt and pain when I think of the missed opportunities I'm leaving for my future self.

Today was the last day of school and the first day of summer break. I'm going to make more of an effort to be better in this area and try a little harder to catch up on preserving some memories (back blogging) and enjoy the experience of making even more whether I get to writing them down or not, I know they'll at least help me sleep better at night.

Joseph's Birthday

2010-05-17T07:01:00.000-07:00

Joseph was 1 month old when we moved to Washington. So every year when we celebrate his birthday it's also the anniversary of our new life post our Air Force/Hawaii days. I can't believe we've lived here for 7 years now. It's really starting to feel like we're putting down roots and I love it.

On the morning of his birthday Jacob and Ben woke up early and hid around the corner waiting to get him with silly spray as he came downstairs. I can't remember when we started this tradition in our family but the boys love it and I'm starting to regret it. It makes such a mess! Anyway, we had his favorite breakfast of crepes (my kind of kid) then sent him off to school. That evening Papa and Grandma came over for his birthday dinner and family party. He chose a random collection of some of his favorite foods for his birthday feast: Macaroni and Cheese (the box kind which I hate and rarely serve), croissant rolls, Orange sherbet jello salad, and steamed broccoli with cheese. This was also the first year that he wanted just a regular cake (not something crazy or colorfully decorated). It was much easier for me and much better tasting. I have a great recipe for chocolate cake and fudge frosting that we hadn't had in a while, it was soooooooo yummy! (and yes, I did have a piece)

Aaron and I were really struggling to come up with ideas for gifts this year. One great thing about having kids that don't watch a lot of TV is they don't see all the commercials for the newest greatest things. Consequently, they also aren't much help when you ask them, "what do you want for your birthday?" He couldn't come up with anything more than Legos (which he already has a ton of) so we went back and forth on several ideas until Aaron stumbled upon the best idea ever. Joseph has been studying the solar system in school and has been fascinated with what he's learning. So Aaron found a really good telescope online and had it ordered just in time to arrive on his birthday. He was ecstatic when he opened it and wanted to try it out right away. We had to wait until it got dark but when we did there was a full moon and we were ALL amazed as we looked at the surface of the moon with amazing clarity and detail. You are supposed to be able to see the rings on Saturn too but we are still working on finding Saturn in the night sky....

Joseph's wanted to have a basketball themed birthday party with his friends, which meant we kind of needed to have a basketball hoop. I had no idea how expensive they were until I started shopping around for one. In the end I decided to save some money and found an old free one on craigslist. After I cleaned it up, repainted it and put on a new net it looked pretty good. Aaron sunk it into the ground back behind the garage where there was a concrete slab already poured for who knows what. Now it's our mini basketball court for the boys.

We had so many things going on the Saturday of his party (District Pinewood Derby race for Jacob, birthday party for Lauren's friend, Ben's T-Ball game) that the only time we could fit in his party was in the evening. So we had a pizza party during the dinner hour with a plan to have a basketball game and to watch Air Bud inside the house. Well, things never go as planned. It seems that the big event quickly shifted from playing basketball to running around the property throwing horsetails at each other. We call these "horsetail wars" at our house and our boys play them all the time, grabbing the weeds by the dozens and chucking them at each other as they run around the yard. Who would have known that it would be such a hit when you add a few more boys to the mix. Apparently it was more exciting than anything else we had planned. I was fine with abandoning our party plans in the name of boys making their own fun (really it was much easier for me anyway). However, we did have multiple kids coming in and out needing to be treated with baking soda and water for nettle bites they had acquired in battle. And one boy even fell into the pond and came to the door shivering and soaking wet with pond weeds all over him. It was pretty comical but not at all what we had expected. You just never know what you're going to get when you have a house full of boys.

All About Joseph at 7 years old

Here are some random observations that I want to record about my 7 year old Joseph.

-Joseph is extremely generous. If you ask him to share with you or give you a bite of whatever he has he will always say yes. Recently I was with him at a birthday party of one of his friends and they were doing the pinata outside. After the pinata broke and the rush of kids had frantically gathered every last piece of candy into their Ziploc bags it was discovered that 2 of the kids were off playing and missed the rush. One of the parents asked if the kids might be willing to share some of their candy with these boys and Joseph immediately went to them and emptied his entire bag into their two bags. I was speechless. He is such a generous little boy.

-Joseph is a great student. He is very conscientious about learning and prides himself on his school work. He enjoys doing his homework and has a real hunger for learning. He's an excellent reader and has amazing penmanship. His mind is like a sponge soaking up everything he learns in school. During their unit on the solar system he would come home every day telling me new (and very interesting) facts that he had learned about different planets. One Friday he came home near the end of their unit and started making a book about the solar system. Each page was about a different planet where he wrote several facts about the planet and included diagrammed pictures on each page. He stapled the pages together and gave it a cover and presented it to me proudly. It was amazing. Right now they are studying insects and I'm learning a TON from all of the things he comes home and "teaches" me. I love it.

-Joseph likes to be organized and will often write notes on post-its like To-Do lists for what he wants to do for the day. Recently I was organizing his drawers and after showing him how I had organized the shirts and pants in his drawers he had went back later to label the stacks with the appropriate tag.

-Joseph has a very interesting sense of style. He has these brown pants that he loves and I hate. Luckily they recently wore a hole in the knee so now they are off limits for school but forever he would wear these ugly straight leg/slim fit brown pants that I hated but he loved. I kept trying to buy him other pants to get him to wear but he always complained that he didn't like them. When I questioned him as to why he informed me that cargo pants or pockets on the sides are "ugly" and he hates those pants. He also goes crazy if his pants are too loose fit or too long. He likes the straight peg legs and he likes them to hit them exactly at the bottom of his heel, no longer. He freaks out if I make him wear dark denim or any other pants that he doesn't think look cool. I have to keep reminding myself that he is a boy because my other boys could care less what they wear. I've had to send him off to the bus crying hysterically because he "hates these pants." Even though they're actually the stylish ones that look nice on him. It's crazy.

-Joseph thrives when he is praised. You can almost see him glowing when you compliment him on something he's done. I try very hard to shower him with praise for the good things he does to off-set the many times that I have to correct him for crazy stuff he does. Which leads me to another thing about Joseph.....

-He's very, very quirky and regularly does things that make you wonder "WHAT IS HE THINKING!" I have felt like I'm going to go crazy many times. In addition to his spazzy mannerisms like making this annoying hoarse laugh that sounds like a (I still don't know what) whenever he gets to feeling silly, he regularly does crazy things that make you scratch you head in wonder. Recently, Aaron caught him outside with a nail carving lines into the side of our suburban. We had just gotten it back from being washed and waxed and it was cleaner than it had been in years and for whatever reason our nearly 7 year old thought that using a giant nail and carving lines back and forth, several times in random patterns spanning the entire length of the passenger side door would be okay. UNBELIEVABLE! The whole thing was so shocking neither of us knew what to say or do, we were literally speechless. He told me later that he didn't see "what the big deal was and why we cared so much." Ughhhhhh!

-Joseph is easily frustrated when he is working on something new. If he does not find immediate success he will often become inconsolably frustrated and abandon all efforts. He wants so badly to be successful that if he tries a few times and doesn't get the right answer or can't play the piano piece perfectly he gets very upset and will often begin what I call his self destructive talk. "I'm terrible", or "I'm stupid, I can't do this!" It's very challenging as a mother to try and help him understand that it's okay to make mistakes and to keep him motivated to keep trying and not give up. Each week when he has a new song he's practicing for his piano lessons we go through this. He usually starts out the first couple days barely able to get through the piece and sometimes crying that "it's so hard he'll never be able to play it". I have to deal with him slamming his fingers on the keyboard or storming off upstairs because he got to the last measure of the song and then made a tiny mistake which turns into a huge meltdown. But, by the end of the week he plays it perfectly. He was also having trouble passing a level in his math wizard for subtraction a couple months ago. Each week on the day of his test he'd come home from school devastated that he was still on Level 1 for the timed subtraction test. It broke my heart to see him so frustrated and sad week after week. Finally, I made it a priority (I should have done it much sooner) to work on it with him at home. After giving him a bunch of practice tests with similar problems he began to see himself improve. By the day of the next test he could pass it easily at home and he had the confidence to be able to do it at school. Once he got over that hump and realized he could do it he's been doing great.

-Joesph leaves me little random love notes all over the house. I will find them in the office or on my pillow. Usually they just say things like "I love you Mom" or just "I love you" with a little hand drawn heart. He's a sweetie. Speaking of sweetie, look at what he wrote me for Mothers Day. I saw him excitedly working on something the day before mothers day but he was very secretive about it. Needless to say I was speechless when he presented it to me. It's the first poem he's ever written.

-Joseph has terrible luck. He's like me on this. No matter what, when he's playing any game with an element of chance he is sure to lose.

-Joseph is very social and his relationships with his friends are very important to him. We have already had to deal with "playground friend drama." We are working with him on being a leader and sticking up for the kids in the group that some of the boys are excluding. I was really proud of him when he took a stand against a ring leader bully (that also happens to be his friend) that was being mean to their mutual friend. He abandoned the group for the rest of the week and played with the other boy who was excluded at every recess. When they tried to get him to play with them he told them he wasn't going to be in their group if they weren't going to let the other boy play with them too. Granted, I coached him into doing this but I was still impressed that he chose to do it and stood up to his friends in support of the other boy.

-Joseph is still very irreverent with his body. I am seriously worried that I'll be one of those mothers getting a call from the principal in high school telling me that my son just mooned someone in the school parking lot. He just has no sense of boundaries despite our efforts to teach him modesty and appropriate behavior. I try to get him to keep a towel on after the bath when he goes up to his room but he is completely comfortable streaking through the house naked. I probably wouldn't care so much is we didn't have to worry about Lauren being exposed to his private parts. I'm constantly reminding him to dress in his room and am frequently horrified at his lack of modesty in her presence. I just caught him the other night while he was getting dressed for bed holding a metal slinky in front of his private parts and whipping it around like it was the world's longest you know what. He thought it was the funniest thing in the world and I was mortified.

-Joseph is very service oriented. He does his chores but sometimes he will on his own just do somethings sweet without being asked, like unload the dishwasher or organize the shoe closet. It doesn't happen very often but it happens often enough that I know its unusual because my other kids don't do it.

-Joseph is still writing on things. I see his marks all over the house. Writing on the walls, the window sills, the piano! It's very, very frustrating. I keep thinking....isn't he too old to be doing this! Why does he keep doing this? The latest one I found was on a window sill in black permanent marker. It said, "I love mom." Talk about feeling two emotions at once. That was a weird sensation.

-I have mentioned before that Joseph has a very spiritual nature. He is always talking about God and Jesus and will often ask very deep questions of a spiritual nature. He is also very good about looking at life with a spiritual eye and relating every day situations to a spiritual metaphor of sorts. Something recent that comes to mind was when he bore his testimony. On the first Sunday of the month we have a little family testimony meeting in our home where we each take turns sharing our faith and beliefs. We set up the piano bench in front of the fireplace and use the paper towel holder as the microphone. Usually the kids are kind of silly about it but recently Joseph surprised us all with his testimony about prayer and having faith. This is a brief summary of part of his testimony: "Last week when I was trying to feed the chickens (his chore) I was trying to get in their pen and grab the feeder without them escaping but they kept trying to get out because they were following the food container. No matter what I did they kept trying to get out and no one was there to hold the door for me. So I walked away and waited for them to go back inside their hen house. Then I tried to sneak back to their pen and grab their food container but as soon as they heard me they came out of the house and were swarming me again. So I went back out and prayed really hard that Heavenly Father would keep them in the hen house so that I could get their feeder and feed then without them all getting out of the pen. When I went back they were all in their house and they stayed in there the whole time. So, I have a testimony of prayer, I know it works." I also would like to add however, that almost without fail every Sunday when it's time to get dressed he cries that "he hates going to church".

-Joseph will often destroy something he's made or worked hard on if when he shows it to you you do not exhibit enough excitement or interest in his work. Just the other day after picking the kids up from school he was showing me his hole punch card from the Diabetes walk/run. He was very proud that he had completed 38 laps in the 3 days. I was very proud of him too but because I had just received a phone call that was making my mind wander and giving me stress I responded to his card with a "good job buddy." and not "Oh my goodness, that is awesome Joseph!!!!!" (We had already talked about the run in the car on the drive home and I had sung his praises for being such a good runner and being able to do that many laps). Well, apparently none of that mattered because somehow he interpreted my somewhat distracted "good job buddy" as a lack of interest and and he totally called me on it too. He had a partial meltdown because he assumed I didn't care and later that night I found his hole punched card torn up into tiny pieces in a pile on the kitchen table. I've also noticed him do this with pictures or cards he's made for other people. If he's not happy with it and doesn't think it's perfect he won't just put it to the side and start on another one he'll completely shred it to pieces or take a big marker and scribble all over the top of it.

-Sometimes when I wake Joseph up in the mornings I will find him sucking his thumb in his sleep. He was my only thumb sucker and he started doing it when he was 6 months old. It's a sweet little trait that he inherited from his father who also sucked his thumb. One of my favorite pictures I have of Joseph in my head is him as a little baby/toddler in his dark green sleeper pajamas holding his blankie in one hand and having his other thumb in his mouth. When he got older (3-5) he only did it at night when he would sleep. It was so sweet I just figured I'd let him grow out of the phase on his own but alas his pediatric dentist started noticing that it was affecting his teeth and encouraged us to work with him on it. So we used "Thumb Suck" at night and within a few months he didn't suck his thumb anymore. Now that he's a "big boy" (and I know we're going to have to get braces for him anyway) I just smile when occasionally I see him sucking his thumb in his sleep. It reminds me of my sweet little baby JoJo.

Jacob the Builder

2010-03-27T20:16:00.000-07:00

The past few months Jacob has been busy building. The first thing he made was a little miniature pirate ship out of little wood slivers. It had a mast and different levels to the deck with railing on the sides. The whole thing was only about 5 inches long. He then made a catamaran style sailboat with saran wrap for the sail. Then when Aaron framed in the door for the pantry he took the extra shimmy's (little pieces flat wood about 18 inches long) and cut them with his pocket knife (I didn't know he was doing this) and glued them together to make a speedboat. Then he added string and little paper inner tubes to the back. He also made a jet from carefully folding and taping scrap computer paper. Another project he did (with the help of his brothers) was building an elevated race track with 3 lanes for his matchbox cars to race down. The whole thing was about 6 feet long. He used a couple of big cardboard boxes and almost a whole roll of masking tape.

It thrills me to see him working on little projects like this. It makes me wonder if he'll be an engineer or an architect one day. When he got his block of wood for his first pinewood derby car back in January he was excited beyond belief. The race was a month and a half away but he started on his car the next day. Aaron told him to draw the outline on the side of the block of wood. He drew, erased and drew until he got it just right. Then Aaron cut it out with a jigsaw. As you can imagine the cuts were pretty rough but over the next few days Jacob sanded those edges down to perfection. He and Aaron went to the store where he chose the colors he wanted. He had a great idea for a style but the stripes were too tricky do do on his own so Aaron placed the tape and helped him fix the over sprayed parts that got too much paint. In the end he was very happy with his car.

On the day of the race he was very excited and nervous. I told him that since this was his first year making/racing a pinewood derby car that he might not win. "I know mom," he said. "Rookies hardly ever win."

Once the race started I think his brothers were as excited as he was. About half way through the race Joseph came up to me (Jacob was doing really well at this point) and he said in a very sincere voice, "Mom, I'm so nervous, I just want Jacob to win."
To make a long story short I'll sum up the race results with what Jacob told me later that night when we got home. "Well Mom, I guess rookies really can win!"

How a little boy who designed his car entirely himself, with absolutely no influence or intervention from his Dad (I love Aaron for this) built a pinewood derby car that won the whole competition is beyond me. He really is an amazing little builder.

I just have to add here that his race composure cracked me up. Often times I'd be taking a picture of his face while his car was racing down the track so I never knew if his car won or lost because I was zoomed in on him. I thought that he lost the first couple races because I interpreted his "poker face" as him handling a defeat. Later I learned that he had won those races and was working very hard to suppress his excitement because, as he said, "I didn't want to be annoying." He's such a funny boy.

May Mornings

2010-03-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

The early light awakens me
rising beyond the trees.
I lift from my pillow to see the view
before settling back to sleep.
The hillside is cloaked in a deep emerald green
lurking in the shadows of the towering trees.
A new day dawning, the house is still
soon he'll be leaving for work.
The sound of songbirds plays in my ears,
a warbling springtime symphony.
The chirping makes it hard to drift back to sleep,
but soon enough I do.

When later I awake, the sky is alight, blazing pink and gold
and the memory of his goodbye kiss
lingers sweetly upon my forehead.
The bed is empty now, or so I think,
until I see an angel sleeping next to me.
Her bare shoulders peek out from her sleeves,
with hands placed perfectly under her cheek.
I shuffle nearer until I feel her little breaths
and watch the rise and fall of her chest.
I can't resist kissing her lips
and brushing the hair from her face.
I gaze at her sweetness with pure delight
sharing a corner of her pillow.
So peacefully she sleeps on his side of the bed,
the thought lifts the corners of my mouth.
I imagine her shuffling in the dark of night
making the trek to the far side of the bed
just to be in her Daddy's arms.
I look up at the clock it's 6:15,
time to get up.
I grab for my clothes and dress in silence
enjoying the beauty of the morning.
Then carefully I creep across the room headed for the door.
I cringe as I carefully pull it closed,
it scrapes across the old wood floor.
I wait a moment, holding my breath....
then exhale when all is still.
I tiptoe to the stairs,
avoiding the spots that creak
but by the fourth step I hear the cry
from behind my bedroom door:
"Mama???........Mama!!!"
I quickly turn and head back upstairs...
a new day has begun.

My Mountain Man

2010-03-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

*The caption for this picture is at the end of this post ....

During the work week he may seem like a city boy toting his Mac in his laptop bag, texting on his iphone and working in a fancy Seattle high-rise but on the evenings and weekends he's an entirely different man......

My downtown man becomes my outdoor guy dressed in his farmer clothes digging fence posts, building chicken coops, splitting wood and clearing the land. He thrives on being outside whether working or playing he'd rather be outdoors. His most recent project is making an obstacle course for the boys. He cleared a place back in the woods down by the creek, chopped down a tree (okay, chain-sawed) then hauled it across the gully, dug holes and sunk stumps of varying sizes into the ground staggering them for the boys to try and hop from stump to stump without falling off. If I remember correctly part of his "plan" includes a climbing wall, a zip line and....okay, I forgot the rest. But what I love most is not just that he does these sorts of outdoor guy things, it's that he does everything (whether working or playing) with our boys by his side. It makes me so happy to look out the window and see my three sons working alongside their Dad stacking wood, digging holes & hauling rocks. When they're done working and come inside they take off their muddy boots smelling of dirt and sweat and I can't help but smile with pride.

After they work, they always play. According to Aaron a Saturday would not be complete without doing "something fun." So outside they go again..... off to their next adventure. Sometimes it's fishing down at the pond, hiking or biking on the trails of Banner Forest. The last couple weeks when it was raining they went rock climbing at the Y.

His latest hobby and new found love is mountain climbing. As young men's president he plans and supervises the 16-17 year old boys on their scouting high adventures. This year he received stake approval to take the young men on a 3-day climbing expedition up Mt. Rainier. In preparation for this climb they'll have training climbs as they summit 4 other mountain peaks in the northwest. When I asked him why he was buying all the gear instead of just renting it he said, "I want to have all the gear for when our boys are older so that I can teach them how to climb mountains too".

REI and Sierra Trading post are my worst enemies right now. When the UPS truck comes up the driveway I'm rolling my eyes wondering what on earth he has bought now...doesn't he already have all of his gear? Apparently not, because even after many, many deliveries there still seems to be things he "needs." Ugh!!!
(I can already feel myself getting cranky as I type this). Sooooooooo, before this loving post takes a turn south, I'm going to take a deep breath and focus on the positive.......

I'm happy to be married to my outdoor guy who enjoys snow caving in the winter and mountain climbing in the spring and summer. A man who uses his brains at work and his muscles at home. That lets me dress him up when we go on a date but isn't afraid to get his hands in the dirt when he works. A man who works hard at whatever he does; whether a computer geek during the week or my outdoor guy on the weekends.

Here's to my mountain man husband that I love and adore, I hope our boys grow up to be just like you.

*Shopping for mountaineering glasses at REI on his lunch break, he sent me this (and 2 other pictures) he'd taken on his phone to get my opinion on which he should buy.....Trying to hide my irritation I replied, "whichever's cheapest!"

March Memories

2010-03-10T21:39:00.000-08:00

I love Lauren's Fashion Sense.
It cracks me up when she comes downstairs wearing an outfit she's put together. This is one of her better combinations.

Ben loves riding the mower with Daddy.
Actually they all do. They patiently wait their turn to ride on Dad's lap. Aaron's always so sweet to let them hop aboard.

Anyone need a cell phone?
I love finding things like this around the house. It reminds me so much of myself when I was a little girl. My boys actually play with the same set of blocks that I played with as a kid. On one of those blocks you can see a bunch of numbers that I wrote on it years ago when I decided to turn one of them into my phone (this was back in the day before cell phones). I think Joseph was the one that made this wonderful styrafoam phone. Hey, that has a nice ring to it. Wow, I'm on a roll....

Rocket ship for Teddy
Another discovery I found one day up in the playroom. When I asked the boys what they had built they said it was a rocket ship for teddy.

Suma, Suma
For years this has been a fun game that Aaron plays with the kids. Usually it starts out with two opponents facing each other on opposite corners of the rug. "Suma, Suma" they say, then charge at each other trying to wrestle the other one to the floor. Usually it's just one kid against Daddy but as you can see from the picture it usually ends up turning into a huge wrestling match with all of them. Aaron told me once that it's his way of getting extra cuddles and snuggles from the kids.

Campfires and Silly Stories
Aaron is so great about being spontaneous. He loves taking the kids out to the fire pit in the woods next to our house and roasting hot dogs or smores. He'll do this on any given day of the week, just for fun. Part of their tradition includes telling silly stories around the campfire. We each take a turn and everyone gets to pick the name and type of animal that the story is about and then you just go for it and tell the best story you can. It's funny to hear what the kids come up with and Aaron too!

A Family Tradition

2010-03-08T08:18:00.000-08:00

Last night was a special night for our family as we read the last few verses of this book of scripture. When we moved back to Washington Jacob and Joseph were 21 months and 2 months old. We knew that family scriputre study was something we wanted to do but were unsure about the appropriate age to begin this tradition. We decided that now was as good a time as ever and so we began.....
The boys were so little we just made it a part of their bedtime routine. We only read a handful of versus each night, then sang them a primary song (usually Teach me to Walk in the Light, or I am a Child of God) followed by a family prayer.

It has been over 6 years since we started this tradition. In that time we have only read through the Book of Mormon twice (last night being our second time). Sometimes the kids are crazy (what am I saying-most of the time they are), and sometimes you're wondering if this is really doing any good. But then there are those occasional moments when you're discussing what's been read and teaching them a principle of the gospel and a sweet spirit fills the room as you find yourself bearing sincere and heartfelt testimony to your surprisingly attentive children. These are the moments we wait for.

You never know when something you read or something you say will sink in or speak to their little hearts. And whether or not it's a spiritual feast (and it rarely is) we have seen many benefits to doing this each night. Now that the boys are older they participate too following along in their own scriptures as Aaron reads aloud. Then each of them take their turns reading a verse or two. I am amazed at how there almost always seems to be something that we can learn from just the short amount of verses read each night. When we apply these scripture stories and gospel principles to our everyday lives we've found many opportunities to have great conversations with our kids talking about a variety of topics ranging from compassion and courage to charity, contention and even chastity.

Probably like most parents we struggle every day, trying our hardest to raise our children in the best possible way. Daily we make mistakes and hope that our kids will overlook our imperfections and forgive us for the things we do and maybe don't do so well. With that said I pray that when all my children have grown and the apron strings have been cut, that they'll sail off into the horizon of their lives equipped with what they need to have a safe journey.

As their mother it is my sincere hope that this legacy of faith we have established will sail with them upon the seas of their lives. That they'll sail with confidence as they navigate their way on this mortal voyage, equipped with the assurance that they are not alone. That their Father in Heaven loves them deeply and that Jesus Christ is their Savior, Redeemer and truest friend. He will captain their lives if they turn the wheel over to Him. By following His gospel and teachings they'll sail on calmer, safer seas finding joy in the journey as they learn and grow through the storms and calms of their lives. Sincere prayer and study of the scriptures are the compass and map that will help them find their way back to God. Daily I carry in my heart the hope that these traditions we set in place for our growing children will one day be the light they turn to when they've left the safe harbor of their childhood home.

For those of you who are not of our faith I pray that you will feel a yearning in your heart to seek the Lord in your life and feel of the peace that following His path brings. He has changed my life in so many ways and continues to be my kind, wise and trusted friend. If you want to learn more about these beliefs I invite you to visit this website that can teach you more.

http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/

Too Busy to Blog....

2010-02-25T21:55:00.000-08:00

So I have a list of things I want to blog about but we've been so busy with house projects and entertaining visitors that my blog has fallen to the bottom of my list of priorities. It is, however, important to me to preserve these memories so on my desk in the office I keep a running list of things I need to blog about....Here are just a few as I chip away at my list:

Lauren's BAD haircut....

Yes indeed.....I totally screamed.

I was in the kitchen when Lauren came downstairs just moments after her bangs had been lovingly cut by her big brother Ben. Just a few steps behind her was the culprit holding the green handled craft scissors in his naughty little hand. With each step she took I saw how terrible it really was and I literally screamed in prolonged shock as she got closer and closer, revealing to me that this was indeed very, very real. This is the 3rd time my son has cut my daughters hair and the 3rd time EVER that ANY of my children have been caught cutting hair. Why, oh why, does it always have to be on my little girl ? How though do you punish a sweet little boy that each time thinks he's doing something good by making his little sister "look pretty?" (In his defense she was in desperate need of getting her bangs trimmed). Will this be the last time he takes matters into his own hands or did my screams of terror at the sight of his hack-job scar him for life and remind him to keep those craft scissors away from my daughters hair! After I got over the shock I got out the flat iron and multilple hair accessories in an attempt to conceal the missing bangs....this is about as good as it's gonna get for the next 4-6 months.

Speaking of Ben, whom I love dearly (truly), I've been noticing that as he's getting older he is becoming quite the little pessimist. I don't believe in labeling my children, although it can be difficult at times when you have a chronic liar (not Ben) in your household. Or when you have a son like Ben who whines and complains about a great many things. I confess that lately I've been biting my tongue (sometimes unsuccessfully) to keep myself from calling him a "little grump". Just for fun I started writing down on my magnetic grocery list some of the "grumpy things" that he has said....mind you this is just a little sampling. It seems that daily he finds new things to grumble and complain about. I'm really hoping that this is just a passing phase....

Some of Ben's Grumpy Quotes

"This dinner looks slimy..."

"Why do I have to do everything?"

"Oh great, I hope it's not Family Home Evening."

"I don't like this day."

"Why do I always have to say the family prayer?"

"Oh great, I hate this bread."

"This is a dumb shirt."

May I take your Order, please?

I've been keeping busy with a lot of projects around the house since the new year. While I was re-painting the bathroom vanity Lauren was a busy little bee getting into everything. After I pulled the drawers out to paint I couldn't keep her out of that cabinet! She was making such a mess of things I was getting a little irritated but at least she was staying away from the wet paint. My irritation melted away rather quickly though when I came in to find her sitting on the side of the cabinet with her head peeking out pretending to be a drive-thru girl at McDonalds. "Mama" she said, "Do you want ice-cream or french fries?" I nearly burst into laughter. It was just what I needed to take me out of my busy, busy mode of trying to finish the painting before picking the boys up from school. I sat down on the floor and played along for a few minutes all the while smiling from ear to ear at this funny little girl....

Updates

2010-02-25T13:08:00.001-08:00

"The Club" is what they call it and we've been spending a lot of time down there lately. The kids love going down to the beach and anytime we have friends over for the day we all pile into the back of the suburban and drive down the road to driftwood cove. I look forward to when they get older and they're old enough to ride their bikes down there to spend an afternoon playing on the beach. It's such a great place to play. This is a picture of Joseph and his friend Hank next to the club they built out of driftwood.

It's been raining a lot lately and when it's a Saturday and it's raining there's only so many things fun things you can do. Aaron's been great about taking the kids to the YMCA to climb the rock wall.

Here's a picture of Jacob at the top.

We were so happy to have a visit from Megan and her family this month. The kids enjoyed playing around with their cousins Tyssen and Trenton. We even got to celebrate Tyssens 5th Birthday! I sure wish she lived closer, I just love my little nephews.

Cute stuff from January

2010-02-09T06:24:00.000-08:00

Lauren has been using her tea set from Grandma and Grandpa a lot. The other day I went in to the bathroom and found her just like this. I only hope she didn't get the water in her tea cup out of the toilet!

Jacob has been working on earning his Wolf badge in cub scouts. One of the things he had to do was to learn how to tie a tie. He was very proud that he could do it all by himself.

We took the kids to the Pacific Science Center for the Mission to Mars exhibit. The IMAX film about the Mars Rovers was absolutely amazing and captivated the kids for the entire 45 minutes. Pretty impressive for a scientific documentary.

As we were walking down to see the Mars exhibit I looked behind me to see Joseph and Ben rolling down the sloped ramp down to the ground floor. Ahhhhh, to be a kid again, they find fun in the most unusual places.

This month has started a chess and checkers craze in our home. I dug out the checker board one day and taught Jacob how to play, soon the other boys learned too. Then we got a chess set and Aaron taught them all how to play. Now Jacob is always asking me to play chess with him. He has beaten me more times than I have beaten him. Benjamin is more at my level when it comes to chess. Pretty embarrassing that a 5 year old is an equal match for my wit.

There seems to be a magnetic attraction between kids and water. I love the look on Laurens face. She realized that she was caught before the boys even knew I was there looking at the water all over the counter top, dripping down the cabinet and all over the floor. I think Lauren was probably thinking one word when she saw me in the doorway, "Busted!"

For my Children

2010-01-26T00:38:00.000-08:00

(chalkboard art - compliments of Joseph)

Every night I go into your room to check on you before I go to bed. I see you laying there so sweetly and peacefully. I place my hand on your head and stroke your hair then lean in to kiss your cheek and whisper "Mommy loves you" in your ear. It's usually at this time that the weight of the day comes crushing down on me and the guilt sets in for anything and everything related to mothering that I've done or not done for that day. Guilt for the missed opportunities to show you how much I love you. Guilt for not enjoying every little cute or funny thing you said or did (because I was too stressed or too irritated with all the messes or the bickering to even notice). Guilt over forgetting you're a child and being too hard on you for doing things that kids just do. Guilt over a harsh word spoken or a lost temper that erupted far more than was necessary for that given situation. Guilt over the misuse of my time (however well-intentioned) I allowed myself to get caught up in the "thick of thin things" and I missed those opportunities to share in those simple joyful moments with you my sweet children.

The most hurtful thing is when I find notes that you've scribbled on a little piece of paper or written on your chalkboard that say things like "Mommy's mean" or "Mommy doesn't love me" just because you were punished or sent to your room. Or the times when I tuck you in at night and you roll over to the far end of the bed where I can't reach you on that top bunk because I've hurt your feelings and you're still sulking over being punished. You won't even let me give you a hug and kiss goodnight. It wouldn't upset me as much if I thought you were just trying to get attention. The reason it makes me so sad is because I know you really are hurt and the cause of your hurt is because of my inability to handle your quirky, obnoxious, disobedient behavior. In that moment I know that you really do feel I'm "the meanest Mom" and sometimes there's a part of me that believes you.

Later that evening I leave your room after giving you that kiss on your cheek and whispering "Mama loves you" in your sleeping ear. Another day over, another battle fought. We've both been wounded but we'll feel better in the morning. All will be forgiven; the slate is washed clean and we'll both start over again. You'll come down for breakfast rubbing your sleepy eyes and I'll meet you at the bottom step. "Good morning sweetheart, how did you sleep?" And so another day begins.....

I'll keep trying to love you and parent you the best that I can and hope that my best will be good enough to help us both get through the day with a happier ending. I'll try harder to let go of the stresses and messes and enjoy each of your sweet smiling faces. I will try harder to savor the things you say and do that should make me laugh instead of make me mad. I will try to be the mother to you that I thought was so easy to be......until I had 4 kids.

I'm sorry for everything that I do that does not fit that cookie cutter mold I had designed in my mind. The mother I wanted to be (and once was) before my plate was so full and so much of me was spread so thin. My hope and desire has always been to be the kind of mother that you look back on with the sweetest of memories. I've never wanted anything more than that for you my sweet, precious children. Please don't interpret my shortcomings and inabilities to manage myself as an indicator of my love for you. It hurts me more than you can know that I've fallen from that high place in my idealistic mind and regularly find myself not on that top shelf but in a heap on the floor picking myself up (yet again) and climbing back up to that place in which I want to be. Please be patient with me and know that I love you more than you could ever know. And please Heavenly Father help my children to survive my shortcomings.

Christmas 2009

2010-01-24T15:50:00.000-08:00

A random collage of Christmas pictures and memories.....

Christmas Eve at Papa and Grandma's house.

The kids were buzzing with excitement having fun playing with their cousin, drawing pictures, playing Foosball, Twister and being silly. Jacob played musical chairs with Grandma. Benjamin proudly showed off his new reading skills by reading Green Eggs and Ham to anyone who would listen. Lauren dancing and singing with Mrs. Claus and the little snowman.
Grandmas little houses all lit up in a beautiful snow scene lining the shelves in the family room. Eating prime rib for dinner and gorging ourselves on Christmas pie and fudge. Gifts for the kids were so much fun. The boys were fascinated with the football helmet piggy banks and all their other gifts. Laurens was a happy little lady when she opened the tea set and spent the rest of the afternoon playing tea party with Grandma and serving everyone cups of "tea." I was so exhausted from staying up late the night before finishing up on Lauren's dress up dresses (went to bed at 5am and woke up at 8am) but somehow the excitement of the day sustained me- along with the nap I got in the car on the drive home later that day.

When we got home the kids opened their Christmas pajamas amidst Ben's sour face and grumbling that this was a "stupid present." After making and decorating the sugar cookies for Santa we put the kids to bed. The boys were determined to stay up until midnight to see Santa. Their report the next morning was disappointing. They couldn't figure out why they hadn't seen him and then Jacob realized their bedroom window is facing south and Santa comes from the North pole. "Next year I'm sleeping in the guest room (with a north facing window) so I can see his sleigh!" So sweet and innocent. He's 8 this year and I hope he keeps on believing......
Christmas morning was full of excitement as the kids scurried downstairs to check their stockings and see what Santa had brought. Benjamin found the biggest present-(Lauren's dress-up trunk) and crossed out her name and wrote his in its place. Before opening our gifts we knelt in prayer and each of us offered a gift to Jesus written on a slip of paper and placed in a sealed box next to the nativity.

One of my favorite pictures here is the one of Jacob with his arms around Lauren as she holds the crown he made for her. In a recent FHE lesson we talked about gift giving and encouraged the kids to make gifts for each other. Jacob knew that Lauren loved princess crowns so weeks before Christmas he carefully measured the size of her head and made her a crown. He wrapped it up so sweetly and put it under the tree. It was one of the first presents she opened and she loved it. Jacob was delighted as you can see from the picture.

After all the presents were opened the playing began. As did the perpetual munching on stocking candy. Lauren was like an addict unwrapping one piece after another. It seemed like her mouth continuously had candy in it throughout the entire day. A fancy Christmas dinner of turkey and ham with no dress code required. Watching Lauren's new movie (Snow White) with the kids for their first time. When the movie was over the dancing began with Lauren and her Prince Charming (otherwise known as Daddy). That night after the kids went to bed Aaron and I watched The Nativity Story. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this movie. It's become our tradition to watch it every year on Christmas. It always brings the spirit of Christmas into my heart and helps me remember (amidst the craziness of wrappings, gift giving and candy eating) why we celebrate this special day.

Getting Ready for Christmas....

2009-12-23T14:25:00.000-08:00

In search of the perfect tree.....

We took the kids out of school early on a Friday so we could get our tree before it got too dark. It was FREEZING cold outside so we bundled up good. After driving over acres and acres of trees with the kids riding in the back of the trailer we found the perfect tree. It was a little shorter than Daddy had wanted. He kept picking out trees that he thought would fit in our house but I think he was forgetting how tall 8 foot ceilings are. He would get so excited about finding the perfect tree and after we'd all come to look I'd have to burst his bubble by telling him it was way too tall. This happened a couple of times. "It's not too tall, it's perfect!" he'd say. But after being put to the tape-measure test, he learned that an 11 foot tree can look like an 7 foot tree when you're out in the open woods. (:

Decking our Halls

I love traditional Christmas decorations. Red, Gold and Green are the only colors I need.....
Every year though Aaron reminds me that I'm "no fun" because I won't let him put colored lights on the tree. Our compromise is that he gets to put colored lights on the outside of our house.
"I'm sorry honey but you married an interior decorator- I'm never going to be okay with colored lights on the tree." He usually mumbles something about white lights being boring and colored lights being magical. Hopefully though, (even without the colored lights) our children will still remember our Christmas decorations as being magical.

Gingerbread House

This gingerbread house was decorated entirely by the kids and also eaten entirely too. We put the house on the piano when it was done and within 24 hours every piece of candy had been picked off and eaten. I even saw Jacob leaning across the piano on his stomach taking a bite out of the tree using only his teeth. It must have been pretty yummy, but I guess I'll never know because now it's gone. (:

Did you know that Tiffany's makes CTR rings?

2009-12-22T11:56:00.001-08:00

Just kidding.
I about died laughing this morning after the following conversation:

Jacob: "Mom, you're going to be really mad at Joseph....."

Me: "Uh Oh, what did he do?"

Jacob: "You know the ring box that Daddy gave you when he asked you to marry him?"

Me: "Yeeeees.....?" (I'm nervous now)

Jacob: "Well, Joseph snuck into your jewelry box last night and stole it so he could put his CTR ring in it. He wanted to give it to Lauren.

Me: (sigh of relief)

Jacob: "He told me not to tell you and promised if I didn't, that he'd stop talking and go to sleep. (Joseph is always keeping Jacob up at night)
But now it's morning....."

I really needed that laugh

2009-12-21T07:52:00.001-08:00

Veteran's Day

On Veterans day the kids were out of school and I spent some time showing them YouTube clips from past wars and educating them about the reason we have veterans day. I had them make some thank-you cards to take to the Veterans Home in the town where we live. Someone from school had given me this idea and I'm so glad we went. I thought I'd done an acceptable job teaching them with my YouTube clips that morning but nothing I taught them about freedom, military service and sacrifice came close to the impact that visiting those veterans did. Some of them were old, (WWII) some were younger, (Vietnam & Gulf), some had missing limbs. We only spent about 30 minutes there, walking the halls and visiting some of them in their rooms. But in that time they learned much more than I could have ever taught them. They were shy at first then became more comfortable and soon were okay with shaking some of their hands and thanking them for their service. One man there told us the story about how he had lied about his age and joined the army when he was 16 in WWII because he wanted to fight so bad. Another woman I met was a Marine veteran during WWII! I couldn't believe it! I kept telling her how tough she was to do that! I was seriously so impressed.

I really am so grateful for all the men and women who have fought, served and died fighting for a righteous cause. When I watch old movie clips about the soldiers fighting against Nazi Germany and the freedoms that they restored to those areas of the world it makes my heart beam with pride. While I was in basic training in the Air Force I grew to love our nation and the principles of freedom that our nation was built upon. I learned while in Boot Camp that I have a fighting spirit and a a warrior-like desire to liberate the captive and uphold the individual freedom and rights of all men. It was great to be able to meet with these heroes and express our thanks to them for the sacrifices they have made in support of freedom.

Halloween

Around this time last year our boys were introduced to Star Wars. It didn't take long for them to fall in love with anything Star Wars or to request in advance what they wanted to be for Halloween next year. Now, I'll admit Lauren didn't specifically say that she wanted to be Princess Leia but she didn't say she didn't want to. So how could I possibly resist putting that tiny little wig on that cute little head? She even informed me that she needed some lip gloss (very observant girl) because Princess Leia always has shiny lips. I think I had as much fun as the kids did this year. I had a permanent smile on my face the entire time I was helping them get into their costumes. I was that annoying Mom beaming with pride the entire night wanting everyone to see how cute the kids looked in their costumes.

Pumpkin Patch

We love going to the pumpkin patch at Hunter Farms. I'm so glad we went early this year because October turned out to be a very rainy month. Sometimes we've gone when it's rained and the field is a mucky, muddy mess. This year was perfect; cool, dry and plenty of pumpkins. The kids each enjoyed picking out their pumpkin to carry back to the wagon. The rule is that they can pick any pumpkin but they have to be able to carry it out of the patch. With three competitive boys, I have a feeling that one day our trip to the pumpkin patch will get a bit pricey as they each try to prove how "strong" they are. But for now it's just so much fun to see how excited they get choosing their pumpkins. Lauren had a hard time making up her mind. In the end she picked the tiniest, cutest little pumpkin ever-ironic, isn't it?

The Race

I was really worried about the race this year. Our high school cross country team holds this race every year for all of the elementary schools in the district. They divide the kids up by grade and gender so everyone is running against their peers. I believe it's a 400 meter course (equivalent to 2 laps around a track-I think). Last year Jacob took 1st for the first grade boys and so you can imagine that he had every intention of defending his title. This year Joseph would be running too and he had every intention of getting 1st place like his brother had done. I was trying to teach them the importance of competing against yourself and I even wrote down Jacob's time from last year and encouraged him to focus on beating that time. But no matter what I said they both had their heart set on that blue ribbon. Jacob even shared with me his "strategy" a couple days before, and I can tell you he was really putting a lot of thought into this. There is already so much competition between the boys I knew that Joseph felt he needed to get 1st place to prove to his brother that he was "as fast as Jacob was in first grade." And so I had no idea what to even hope for (besides hoping that they would both win first place). But I knew this was very unlikely. And so when the day of the race arrived all I could do was to encourage them to do their best and prepare them for the possibility of defeat. Then, secretly I prayed and prayed for Him to orchestrate the best possible outcome.

Joseph's group was first and he ran his little heart out and got 3rd place! We were very proud of him but as you can see from the pictures he was devastated at the result. It broke my heart to see him so sad when he should have been so happy. We did all we could to praise and console him but it wasn't until Jacob ran and also got 3rd place that things turned around. I nearly cried in gratitude to my Heavenly Father for indeed orchestrating the best possible outcome. Jacob was humbled, (which was good for him-trust me), and Joseph who idolizes Jacob suddenly realized that he had done as good as his brother and was now beaming with pride. I love the picture with all three boys and Jacob and Joseph holding up their 3rd place ribbons. A picture says 1000 words.

Lauren's 3rd Birthday

2009-11-28T07:36:00.000-08:00

Little girl with your Daddy's eyes
you warm your mothers heart.
Your sweet little hugs and happy smile,
are only just the start....

Everything you say and do,
is so adorable and cute.
And day after day I wish you could stay,
my little girl forever.

Happy Birthday Lauren,
With love from your mother.

(September 27th 2009)

This birthday was a highly anticipated event in this little girls life. At least six months before she turned 3 she began telling me what kind of party she wanted to have for her next birthday. First, she said she wanted a "kitty party." Then it became a"Tinkerbell" party. Then, after seeing the Little Mermaid this summer she wanted an "Ariel" birthday. But her most recent interest has been in Cinderella. And so, Cinderella it was. Complete with the crown and glowing wand that Daddy brought home from work. Her Cinderella doll Cake with fondant frosting turned out just as I had hoped but not without great effort and a very late (or early) night spent decorating it.

Later in the week she had a birthday party with all of her little friends. They made princess crowns with glue-on jewels and ate cupcakes, drank pink punch and enjoyed frolicking around the house in their little princess dresses. The boys got home from school just as her party was coming to a close. When they walked through the door their eyes bugged out and Joseph exclaimed..... "Mom, this is such a pretty party!" I guess a "girly" party is something these boys haven't seen very often.

Lauren at 3 years old

Here are some little things about Lauren at 3 years old....

-Lauren loves her kitty. She carries her around like a baby doll and gives her lots of love and affection.

-Lauren loves "helping" mommy in the kitchen when I'm baking or making dinner. She is famous for climbing up onto the counter to sit down next to the bowl sneaking licks and begging to take her turn stirring.

-Lauren loves stories and more recently has developed an interest in fairy tales and princess stories. Any time we go to the library she grabs the books with the pinkest, girliest covers on them. Lately I've been finding her up in her room next to her bookcase "reading" stories aloud to herself or to her kitty who is sitting in her lap.

-Lauren loves to sing songs and she loves making songs up while driving in the car. We love her songs but she gets very embarassed when we mention anything about them. She will usually stop singing if she thinks we're listening because she usually gets embarassed. Most of her songs are little stories. She talks about everyday things in a sing song way. It's very cute. Here is an example of her singing one of the first songs she learned.....

-Lauren also likes to be sung to. Her favorite songs that she requests for me to sing are Disney Princess songs. She will say, "Mom, sing me the Snow White song", (or Cinderella, Belle or Ariel, etc.) So I sing her one of the theme songs from that movie with my best princess sounding voice impression. She loves it and smiles with delight before asking me to sing another one. One of the funniest ones I do is the Little Mermaid one where Ariel is singing the AHHHH, AHHHHH, scale going higher and higher until she says, "Oh, Eric!" She will ask me to sing the "oh, Eric" song. It is so cute and funny.

-Lauren loves dressing up. She has one pair of pink dress up shoes that she loves clomping around the house in. She also loves wearing her pretty nightgowns and Sunday dresses. I already know what we'll be getting her for Christmas. She also loves princess crowns. I made her one out of aluminum foil and some craft gemstones I had around the house. It looked so junky but she loved it and wore it all the time until it finally broke.

-Lauren is a good balance of being girly and tough . It's not uncommon to see her dressed up in her dress-up shoes and fancy sunday best while duking it out with her brothers light-sabers or nerf gun.

-Lauren is fearless. As I wrote about in an earlier post, she is not afraid of many things. She is not timid at all especially when it comes to trying new things and not being afraid of the unknown. She is not scared to approach big animals or hold chickens while they flap her in the face with her wings. She cracks me up.

-Lauren is very spunky and assertive. She has a very naturally sweet personality but if she is crossed (especially by her brothers) she has no problem asserting herself and putting them in their place.

-Something cute that Lauren does is to hop up and down when she gets excited. It is so cute and actually reminds me of something similar I used to do as a little girl.

-Lauren loves her Daddy. She loves snuggling him and hugging him and he loves the attention and affection he gets from his little girl. She can melt his heart in an instant with her little hugs around his neck. Every night after we have family prayer and scriptures Aaron takes Lauren to her room while I read to the boys. He has his own little bedtime routine that he does with her....I'll have to get him to record it here:

Me- Who's my angel?
Lauren- Me
Me- Who's my sweetheart?
Lauren-Me
Me- Who's my princess?
Lauren- Me
Me- Who do I love?
Lauren- I love you too, Daddy.

Me- Have sweet dreams okay?
Lauren- okay
Me- What are you going to have dreams about?
Lauren- um, butterflies and princesses and fairies and angels and godmothers and flowers....

-Lauren is a silly little girl that loves to get a laugh. Here is an example of her silliness. She was making a funny face one day at lunch.....

Happy Birthday Lauren. You are a joy and a delight to all of us, we love you!

Jacob's Baptism

2009-11-28T06:06:00.000-08:00

This is a copy of the slideshow presentation shown during the intermission of his baptism.

I was secretly so grateful that Jacob was the only child of record baptism this month so that it could be his own special day and because we were able to be so involved in the planning of the program. He was able to choose the speakers and who would offer the prayers as well as choose the songs he wanted to be sung. And because he was the only one being baptized we were able to share this slideshow during the intermission while he and Aaron were changing out of their wet clothes.

Making this slideshow was a labor of love for me. After countless hours of sorting pictures and editing my heart was full as I watched the final result. I was literally in tears as I watched my baby boy grow up before my eyes all the while remembering the 8 wonderful years that we've enjoyed. I was also grateful for the opportunity that doing this project gave me to focus on Jacob and reflect upon his growth. As I burned the midnight oil sorting through thousands of pictures I was flooded with so many sweet memories. It was an emotional experience for me to chronicle his young life and to focus on him as a child of God.

I know that Jacob is more than just my son, he is my Heavenly Father's child and I've been entrusted with his care and been given a sacred responsibility to help him find his way in life and guide him to the path that will lead him back to God. He is such a special young boy with such a good heart. He genuinely wants to be good and do the right things in his life. It warms my heart as his mother to see the seed of faith take root in his heart and begin to grow.

I felt such a sweet and peaceful spirit in our home the week leading up to his baptism. It ended up being such a special experience for our whole family. Later when we were looking back at the pictures from his baptism I was so touched to see this ray of light that we hadn't noticed when the picture was being taken. I know it may sound silly but it sort of made me feel that Heavenly Father was smiling down upon our little family. I'm so grateful for everyone who showed their support and for those who were able to come and be a part of his special day.

Back to School

2009-11-17T13:21:00.000-08:00

My Big School Boys
(Jacob- 2nd grade, Benjamin-Kindergarten, Joseph-1st grade)

I never thought I would be the type Mom that felt like celebrating when the kids headed back to school but after the summer was over and Jacob and Joseph were in school all day I was amazed at the difference it made in our home. In hindsight I realize that it was the day to day grind of being with the kids 24/7 and dealing with all of their drama that after a couple of months it was really starting to wear me down. During the last few weeks of August I felt like I was slipping into a pit of depression, surrendering to feelings of inadequacy as a mother. My patience was worn thin, I felt so overwhelmed and overstressed. I was tired of playing referee to the kids daily quarrels, tired of picking up the never ending messes and frustrated that I didn't have time to do all the things that needed to be done. I had become a broken record of "Please, stop fighting and get along!" To put it mildly, I was not enjoying motherhood. And then one September morning Jacob and Joseph got on the bus and it was like someone waved a magic wand. We walked back up the driveway went inside the house and for the rest of the day there was NO fighting or time-outs, NO assigning push-ups or dealing with meltdowns and there was peace and quiet in our home. It was almost like someone had released a decompression valve and all of the chaos and stress melted away revealing a peaceful home and a much happier Mama.

Then, the following week Benjamin started half-day Kindergarten so for 4 hours every morning I have only 1 child at home. Can you believe it! Who would have ever thought this day would come? Never could I have imagined what a difference this would make in my life. Now, when I'm dealing with behavioral issues or grumpy kids in the morning or the occasional meltdown over something ridiculous I feel like I can easily maintain my calm and patiently work through the morning because I know that no matter how bad it gets my house will be a peaceful haven in less than an hour when all those boys get on that big yellow bus. And when they get home from school (8 glorious hours later) I'm so happy to see them and hear about their day. I can focus on their needs because I've had all that time to deal with my other things. I feel so renewed in my desire to be the best mother I can because now I only get them for such a short time I want to make it good. So here's to celebrating not the return of the school day but the return of a happy mother.

Benjamin on his first day of Kindergarten. He was so excited to be a "big boy" and ride the bus with his brothers. It's always a little sad for me though to be saying goodbye to another sweet little guy.

Jacob's Birthday

2009-11-17T12:42:00.000-08:00

September 17th

Today was Jacob's 8th Birthday. Before he went to school I thought it would be fun to get out my old journal and read about the day he was born and other entries from shortly after his birth. One of them totally took me back and I remembered the moment so clearly. I can't believe how much time has gone by since that moment. It is so hard to believe my sweet little baby boy is now 8 years old. Here is the entry that nearly brought me to tears...

September 24th 2001:
"It was one week ago today that Jacob was born. Jacob woke up this morning around 4:45am and I was nursing him and changing him. All the while I was watching the clock waiting for it to reach 5:26am (the exact time at which he was born) and remembering what I was doing exactly one week before. I'm so happy that he is finally here but there's a part of me that gets sad the farther and farther away from that special day that we get. I just have this feeling when I look at my perfect little baby boy that time is already passing and these moments with him being so small are fleeting away with each day. I will never be able to go back and hold him as a newborn- only a day old. Or remember so well how warm and slippery his little body felt when he was laid on my chest for the first time. He is so precious, I just don't want these moments to ever end."

After reading some journal entries (all about him of course) we walked down the driveway to catch the bus for school. All the while I was keeping an eye on the clock waiting for it to be 8:26am (5:26am Hawaii time -which is where he was born) At that precise moment when I saw the numbers changed I paused for a magical moment realizing that is was exactly 8 years ago to the minute that he was born. *Sigh*

The picture on the far right is of him walking down the driveway holding his box of birthday treats for his class. I made him an ice-cream cake (as requested) for his birthday that evening and tried to make it look like a soccer ball with the oreo cookies. I also learned how hard it is to draw a soccer ball when the night before I was decorating and tried to turn white balloons into soccer balls with a black permanent marker. I was up until 2am decorating and trying to get all of those silly balloons to look like soccer balls. His reaction was well worth the effort though. Even if I was a zombie the next day. I really love seeing his excited eyes when he comes downstairs in the morning and everything is decorated for his birthday. He calls it "birthday magic". Sometimes I get so sleepy and tired when I'm up the night before the kids birthdays but the thought of how happy it makes them is what keeps me going to do my best and try to make it special for them no matter how tired I am.
For his birthday dinner he chose his favorite food- BBQ steak. We had a family party with the highlight of his birthday gifts being a scavenger hunt that led him outside to two soccer goals that Aaron had made. The picture on the bottom right is of him putting together the Star Wars model he got.

For his Saturday party with his friends all he wanted to do was have a big soccer game in the front yard. After going to the boys 3 soccer games that morning we had to rush home so I could frost his cake before the kids arrived. That stinking cake was so hard to frost I was inside for half the party trying to finish it! I will never do a soccer ball cake again. The kids had fun and Jacob enjoyed doing what he loves (playing soccer) with his friends. It was a great party.

All About Jacob
at 8 years old

-Jacob has a great deal of personal integrity. You can always count on him to do the right thing even when it's not easy. He is definitely a Rule Follower. His honesty and trustworthiness have led to his parents and teachers to depend on him many times to help sort through unknown situations involving other kids at home and at school. I have never known him to intentionally lie or deceive. It has never been in his nature to do so and as he's grown older maintaining that honesty has become not only important to him, but something he prides himself on.

- Jacob has come out of his shell a lot more this year among his peers. He used to be very quiet and shy but this year I've noticed him being more outgoing and friendly. In recent months I've also heard several reports from teachers and other adults that he's a great leader to others. Here are some examples that I thought I'd share:

1. A friend of mine who works as a teacher aid in his class told me that when Jacob finishes his work he frequently helps the other kids at his table who might need help or who are struggling with the assignment.

2. His cub scout leader told me that they were playing football in the gym and one of the boys (who was not very athletic) became frustrated and sat down on the sidelines while the other boys continued to play. The next time Jacob had the ball he called to this boy to "catch" and threw a pass to him drawing him back into the game.

3. His 2nd grade teacher told me that when other kids in class are not doing what they're supposed to he will often be found encouraging them to stay on task or follow the rules.

- Jacob is a very confident boy. He is very competitive and driven to do his best and feels secure in who he is. He often brings home reports of how he plays soccer at recess and scores goals against the 5th graders or of how he's always the first one to finish the mile run in P.E. I am grateful that he is assured in who he is and is aware of his strengths and talents but I am even more grateful that he is kind and gracious toward his peers and although he is confident in what he does he never puts others down or compares himself to others in a way that would undermine their confidence.

-Jacob tries his best to establish himself as the big brother in our home but as the other boys get older he is meeting increased resistance. He is learning that he has to compromise and be more fair in the "rules" that he makes otherwise conflict is sure to follow and as his brothers grow bigger and stronger that means that sometimes he is on the receiving end of a fist . He also enjoys being a big brother to Lauren as well. He continues to adore her and relishes in her affection.

-Things he likes to do: During the school year Jacob has very little spare time. Between homework, sports, piano lessons and cub scouts his spare time is limited. But on weekends and during summer and school breaks Jacob seems to enjoy building things the most. Whether its making race cars or star ships out of legos, building racetracks or launching pads with the magnet blocks or digging tunnels and making sand forts out at the sand pit. I find him most content quietly building and creating. He does not draw as much anymore as he used to but I'll still find occasional pictures that he's made usually they're STAR WARS battle scenes complete with facial expression, sound effects, weapons and more. He does still enjoy doing art projects at home and school and continues to show artistic interest and talent.

-Jacob loves sports. His favorite sport is soccer but he loves playing anything that has a ball. Since he turned 8 we told him he's going to have to pick 1 sport a year to focus on. He's been playing seasonal sports since he was 4 but now that we have 3 boys that have done the same we're realizing that persisting on this course would throw our life off balance. We know that doing sports is a good thing but we want to encourage the boys to have a healthy balance of activities and talents. So when they turn 8 and start doing cub scouts they have to choose one sport season a year. Jacob also enjoys watching sports with Aaron. Whether live or on T.V. Aaron now has a little buddy that also enjoys watching the game. We don't watch a ton of sports in our house (especially since we canceled our satellite-No more ESPN). But when the playoffs, finals are some other big game is on he enjoys following the action and totally gets into it-sometimes even more than Aaron does!

-Jacob does not play video games or watch a lot of T.V. But his favorite show is the animated STAR WARS clone wars. He will occasionally catch an episode of Arthur on PBS which he also enjoys but since we canceled our satellite he really doesn't have a lot of viewing options and so he just ends up doing other things. We have however introduced the boys to SMURFS and HE-Man. We discovered a website (hulu.com) with hundreds of shows (old and new) that you can watch online. Aaron hooked up a special cable from our computer to the TV in the living room so that they can watch these shows on the weekends. Jacob also enjoys movie nights that we try to have at least once a month. He loves any of the STAR WARS movies but recently enjoyed watching one of my favorites, The Never Ending Story. This weekend he's pretty excited about watching the old version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory since we've almost finished reading the book.

-Jacob is an excellent student. Recently I was volunteering at the school and his teacher was sharing with me how much she appreciates having him in class. "He's so wonderful, I wish I could just clone him!" she said. His favorite subject in school is math. But he's a very strong reader and a great writer. I love how this school has the kids do their daily writing assignments in a bound notebook. Every time I come in to volunteer my favorite part of the day is pulling out his notebook and reading all of his past entries. His writing is very entertaining and includes many details. I love reading about what's important to him and hearing him describe his experiences and express himself.

-Jacob continues to amaze me with his eating. Especially at dinner time. He is easily eating as much as Aaron and eats everything put in front of him without complaint. It is so nice! I try to put a fruit and vegetable in his lunch everyday and recently he asked me if I could cut up a bell pepper to put in there because "they're so good." His favorite dessert is fudgey brownies but aside from that he doesn't really eat any sweets aside from the other baked desserts I make. I have noticed with Jacob that the way to his heart is definitely through his stomach. I receive the most unprompted affection from him when he sees me making cookies, brownies or anything else yummy. He'll throw his arms around me and squeeze me so tight saying, "Thank you Mom, Thank you. I LOVE you!" So funny.

- Jacob is a very hard worker and usually does his chores without complaint. His chores at this age include the following: Bringing the goats out to pasture before school (Joseph brings them in at night), gathering eggs and keeping the chickens fed and watered, unloading the dishwasher, cleaning organizing the shoe closet, folding and putting away his laundry, sweeping the kitchen floor, cleaning out the kitty litter, sweeping and cleaning off the front porch, and taking out the garbage. He also helps with cleaning up the playroom and cleaning his bedroom. On weekends (when we're in an off season for sports) he helps Aaron with outdoor chores of helping stack the wood in the shed that Aaron chops from fallen trees on the property. Jacob only does his animal chores daily. The other chores listed are ones he does when requested by me. Usually every day after school I'll give each of the boys one or two household chores based upon the needs of that day. On weekends I wash up their laundry from the week and they are in charge of folding and putting it away.

Jacob, you are truly a joy in my life. I'm so pleased to be your mother and to watch you grow and develop into the fine young man you are becoming. I love you with all of my heart. Happy Birthday sweetheart!

August Highlights

2009-11-04T14:09:00.000-08:00

Just a few memories from the month of August....

Benjamin sheds his training wheels

On our last camping trip of the summer we brought the kids bikes with us so they could ride around the paved roads of the campground. Benjamin has been riding on his training wheels for a very long time now and Aaron has tried many times to persuade him to take them off but he never wanted to do it. This time though we were camping with his cousins (Rachel & Riley) who also brought their bikes. He soon realized that his training wheels were holding him back from keeping up with the rest of the kids so when Aaron encouraged him to take them off he was more eager to try. I love this picture because Aaron is promising him 2 chocolate chip cookies if he will try to ride his bike without the training wheels. You can see Ben is considering it but I think in the end it wasn't until he was promised 3 cookies that he finally got the nerve to try it. By the end of the weekend he was riding around with the best of them.

Blackberry Pies

This was definitely the summer of Blackberry pies. The kids were hooked on the first one I made and day after day would pick a bowl full of blackberries asking me if I would make another pie. I think we had a blackberry pie three nights in a row one week. How can you say no though when they're the ones doing all the work? This is a picture of Aaron's sister Suzy when she came to visit with her girls. I was gone that evening but left them a pie to eat. When I got home they had picked another bowl of blackberries so that I could make them another pie the next day. Just as a sidenote-I didn't get any blackberry jam made this year......I'm sure you can guess why.

Summer Chores

At the beginning of the summer Aaron gave the boys some summer chores. Their big project was to paint the old shed out by the sand pit. They were also supposed to gather 10 fallen big sticks or 5 large branches every day to gather in a big pile to be burned. Our acreage is primarily made up of Alder trees which fall down easily in winter/fall wind storms so there are plenty of branches to clean up over the 6.5 acres. They finished the shed just days before school started with very little help or supervising. The only drawback to having them do it was the mess it made and having to clean out their brushes and rollers after every time they worked on it. It almost seemed like more work for me but it kept them busy and now our shed isn't turquoise green.

Nezzy has kittens

After our cat went missing for a couple of days she found her way home and we soon realized she was pregnant! We never took Nezzy in to get fixed because she was a free kitten given to us after our other young cat had been hit by a car. Since we were on our third kitten in less than a year we didn't feel like spending any more money on vaccinations or spaying until we knew she was going to be around for a while. Well, she made it to her 1 year birthday and soon after that is when she got pregnant. I was actually thrilled with the idea of her having kittens because I knew how exciting it would be for the kids. As the time for her delivery grew closer I kept hoping that she would give birth during the day when the kids were awake so they could be a part of the experience. I have to admit that I prayed several times about it too. So it was really neat that she went into labor just minutes after the last child left from Ben's Birthday party on a Saturday afternoon. She gave birth in a little bed we made for her in the laundry room and the kids all gathered around a few feet away and were able to watch the kittens being born. She had 4 kittens and it took her about 2 hours to deliver all of them but it was such a special experience for all of us to be there while it happened. We were all together sitting on the floor and there was such a peacefulness there in the room as the kids quietly observed the miracle of life.

When the kittens got older the kids gave them names: Blackie, Golden Eye, White Stripe & Lucky. We found homes for them among our friends and let the kids keep one. They chose Golden eye-the scraggliest, but toughest one of the bunch. I think that there's something about little kittens that really teaches little children tenderness and love. I was so touched by how careful and loving they were with the kittens. Some mornings I'd sleep in and wake up to find the kids down in the laundry room watching them (and as they got older) holding them. I also learned that my husband is a big softy for kittens. He loved holding and snuggling them every bit as much as the kids.

A Bittersweet Birthday

2009-11-04T13:41:00.001-08:00

Benjamin turns 5

(Ben- taken the night before his 5th birthday)

When your sweet son slips from the realm of babyhood into the world of boyhood a pain enters your heart. Not long after their 5th birthday you start to notice the change. Their bodies go from being soft, squishy and snugly to being lean, firm, and muscly. And although it makes you proud to see them grow up so strong your heart aches to remember the moments when their cheeks were plump and their kisses were slobbery and their chubby little arms squeezed you tightly around your neck.

On Ben's 5th birthday I felt like I wanted to cry. It hurt my heart to have to face the reality that my last little boy was no longer a baby. Soon he will follow his brothers into the world of boyhood and all that will be left behind of my sweet baby sons are their leftover sippy cups (still kept in the drawer), their old binky's (tucked away in their memory boxes), pictures, home movies, and the bits and pieces of random memories that rest in my mother heart.

I remember when I was pregnant with Lauren I was sorting through the boys clothes and doing the rotation from one size to the next and as I folded up Ben's outgrown clothes (he was less than 2 at the time) and preparing to place them in marked Rubbermaid bins, something whispered to me, "you won't be taking these out again." I paused for a moment looking at the outfits that were handed down from son to son each boy taking their turn wearing the same clothes and I thought, "Wow, I wonder if Ben will be my last little boy." At that point I did not know if I was pregnant with a boy or girl and I also wouldn't have thought (at that point in my life) that this would be the last time I would be pregnant. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father gave me that moment to reflect upon this unknown reality as I folded up those little boy clothes for the last time and tucked them away lovingly in that Rubbermaid bin. As I snapped the lid over the top of those clothes I was struck with the possibility that every time I put away Ben's outgrown clothes I wouldn't be passing them down to any more sons. This was it, he was the caboose and the end of my little boy train.

And so on Ben's 5th birthday it was a bittersweet moment for me to wave farewell to those baby boy years that passed all too quickly it makes me cry just thinking about it. And now I can only turn to the days at hand when I must savor these present years of boyhood because all too soon my sweet young sons will grow into young men and I will be missing this phase in which they are now in. How quickly the years fly by, how fleeting these moments are. I hope that in heaven I will be permitted to relive those years holding each of my baby boys in my arms again. Because as hard as those days were they were still so full of joy.

Here is a poem that I wrote years ago that helps me remember my sweet young sons and the joy that they brought to my life during their baby years:

WHAT IS JOY

If the walls of our home found a voice
And spoke of the love within
And a mother’s joy was put into words
This is what would be penned.....

“My little ones, my little sons
You’ve filled my soul in so many ways
Never before, until you were here
Did I know what true joy was.

Your little hugs around my neck
The slobbery kisses on my cheek
Your unprompted 'I love you’s' that melt my heart
These are the blessings of life

At morning’s light you awake from bed
with sunshine in your happy face
Excited to see me, “Mommy” you scream
As you reach for my embrace.

Watching you play in your cute little ways
The silly things you do and say
Dandelions offered in tight chubby fists
Oh, these are the rarest of gifts!

Discovering the world in new shining ways
The wonder of all God’s creations
A little bug, the falling of leaves, a squirrel
That jumps from tree to tree

Reading stories with you on my lap
Or lying in bed before your nap
Singing you songs as you drift off to sleep
Your soft blond hair smells so sweet.

Those plump little tears that roll down your cheeks
My finger stops their fall
I rock and sway til the pain goes away
Then send you back outside to play.

Eagerness to learn, excitement for life
Unfolding with each new day
A new way of looking at this world
When seen through the eyes of my child

Day by day I watch you grow
Knowing the sands of time will flow
Each rare moment holds in its grasp
A potential memory that in time will pass

I take these moments, the world can wait
The cleaning and cooking will fade away
They are mine and I savor their texture
The way they feel and smell and sound

Sunny little boys you are my joy
A new awakening of what is real
Life and love and joy inside
Swell from my mother heart

The noise of the day from you boys at play
Can fill this house to the brim
But oh how quiet and lonesome it would be
without the sound of your voices

I know the day soon will come
When peace and quiet will return
But until that day I hope and I pray
That I’ll treasure these sounds within.”

By: Andria Laws
October 16, 2005

Memories from Ben's 5th Birthday Party
August 5th

This was our third and final STAR WARS themed birthday party. I am running out of new ideas for birthday cakes and party games so even though all the boys are still totally into STAR WARS I told them that this was going to have to be the last one. I made Ben a Yoda cake (because he loves Yoda) and I took the boys down to the docks in Gig Harbor to go fishing for the day. It was a lot of fun and we came home that evening to have Ben's birthday dinner and family party. His favorite gift was his clone trooper blaster that (yes I'm the one that got it for him) makes a lot of annoying sounds but he loves it so much that I know I'll survive it somehow.

We advertised Ben's party as having the "world's biggest slip and slide" which got a great response. I made the slip and slide with heavy duty plastic and landscaping darts and it stretched down our hill for 50 feet. Even that length wasn't long enough as they continued to slide with full speed into the grass at the end. The weather had been hot all week (this was in August) but that Saturday it turned cold and started to sprinkle. Aaron hooked the hose up to the hot water heater in the basement and kept a steady stream of warm water on the slide which made it much more inviting.

The homemade pinata was a little too strong and took forever to break but the boys were impressed with my Yoda painting and quickly busted 2 hours worth of my time all for the sake of getting to the candy inside. I loved the pile of light sabers in the grass and the boys doing Jedi battles in the living room earlier in the party. Little boys are so cute and so much fun. I made Yoda popcorn balls to put in the kids goody bags and Aaron made the light saber cake for the day of the party. He was very proud of his artwork but totally bummed when the cake cracked down the middle just minutes before the guests arrived. I don't think they really cared though. (: Overall it was a great party and a fun time for all the boys.

All About Ben

at 5 years old

Favorite Things: Favorite color: Red. Favorite show: Star Wars Clone Wars. Favorite Sport: Soccer. Favorite food: chilli. Favorite dessert: brownies. Favorite Book: Benjamins Balloon. Favorite Primary Song: Book of Mormon Stories.

Chores: Unloading the dishwasher, folding his laundry and putting it away, picking up toys in the playroom, cleaning out the kitty litter box, organizing the shoe closet, sweeping the stairs. Helping his brothers bring in the goats at night.

Personality & Behaviors:
-Something I love about Ben are his hugs. He gives the sweetest unprompted hugs. And because he is so short they usually hit you right around your waist or upper leg. I was shopping at Wal-Mart recently and while pushing the cart he wrapped his little arms around my waist and gave me a big hug as I was going down the aisle. So sweet. My favorite is when I'll be in the kitchen cooking or cleaning and he will just come up and hug me around my leg. At night when we tuck him in he'll frequently say "no kisses!" but he's always eager to give us hugs.

-Ben has a bashful look that we just love. We see it most often when he's playing sports and makes a goal or does something else impressive. Most kids would probably get a big smile on their face and look at you for approval. Ben however will suppress that urge to smile and try not to make eye contact with anyone as he walks away with a "Mr. cool" look on his face. It cracks us up!

-Benjamin is my early riser. He's almost always the first one to wake up in the morning. I have many memories of him coming down to the basement in his pajamas and rubber boots to hang out with me while I finish working out. Usually the reason Ben wakes up so early is because he's hungry for breakfast. "Make breakfast Mom or I'm starving Mom!" Are often the first things he says.

- Ben eats great for breakfast and lunch (usually out-eating his older brothers). At lunch sometimes I end up making him 2 sandwiches (on 100% whole wheat) because after the first one he'll say "More, Mama." It's amazing! At dinner, however, it's a different story. He has little to no interest in eating and is frequently dissatisfied with what is being served. We're working with him on table manners and trying to teach him that saying "this is disgusting" or "gross" is not okay. He can be very picky but is usually pretty good about eating a few bites of everything before he leaves the table.

-Something we don't necessarily love about Ben at this age is the all to common phrase we hear escaping his lips, "let me have it!" or "give it to me!" It is literally like nails on a chalkboard for Aaron and I. We will hear him upstairs playing with the boys and then that angry outburst will be repeated over and over again until he gets what he wants-which never happens soon enough. It actually makes us more mad at him than it does at the perpetrator who's making him say it. He does it in such a way that he's trying to sound tough and threatening to his brothers but it sounds so angry and hateful that more often we get mad at him for saying it than we do at the brother who has wronged him. Which brings me to the next thing about Ben....

-We are also learning that Ben has a temper. He reminds me of myself at his age when I use to get so fired up about things I'd grab the first thing I saw and chuck it at my offender. My poor brother almost got hit in the head with a rock and I busted our remote into pieces because my brother ducked and it hit the wall. So it may be a genetic predisposition, but he'll have to learn to control it too. Most often when he blows up it will result in very angry tones, usually toward Lauren. We call this his "angry voice." He will alsol pound his brothers with his fist if he's in the middle of a rage. But that usually results in him getting pounded back so that doesn't work out very well for him.

-Benjamin is a very assertive little boy. He started Kindergarten this fall and with all the stories he brings home about "bad" kids that do mean things I'm not the slightest bit worried about him being bullied. And after meeting with his teacher this week for his Parent/Teacher conference something she shared with me only confirmed that. She told us a cute story about something she observed in class one time. A boy at his table had grabbed a crayon out of his hand that he was coloring with. Without missing a beat, Ben "muscled" it back out of his hands and continued using it to color his picture. The other boy was surprised but didn't object and they both went on with what they were doing. Aaron has said many times that he feels sorry for the kid that messes with Ben because Ben is naturally a very sweet natured boy but if he's crossed he will defend himself and he is a very tough kid.

-Ben is very tough. Solid, is the word we usually use to describe him. He can crank out 25 push-ups with perfect form with no breaks. Sometimes when we punish him with push-ups we'll give him 50 or more and his response will be, "okay, I don't care." And he'll get down on the ground and bust the out with only a few rests in between.

-Ben loves to draw pictures of race cars and STAR WARS battle scenes. He is also very sweet about picking flowers for me and in the spring and summer almost daily he would bring me in hand-picked flowers from outside to "put in a vase" and have sitting on my kitchen windowsill. He is also very fond of finding pretty rocks which he excitedly brings in to show me. I'm not sure if he gets them because he loves them or if he loves my reaction when I see them. (I try to get very excited about them because it makes him feel special). But now I'm not sure if he's doing it for me or for him. Either way I've been known to have my pockets full of rocks of all shapes and sizes by the end of any given day.

-This year we have also noticed Benjamin stashing laundry under his bed or in the closet when he's supposed to bring it up to his room and put it away in his drawers. He can also be very sneaky about getting out of things that he doesn't want to do. Something that we regularly hear from him at this phase is "I don't want to!" It hasn't quite sunk in that when he's given a chore to do it doesn't matter if he wants to do it or not. It's funny to me that he thinks he doesn't have to do something just because he "doesn't want to." This is an ongoing battle with him, getting him to do what he's told without complaint and on the first time he's asked. Very challenging.

-Something cute that Ben will do is to ask for permission to fall asleep while we are driving somewhere in the car. He will usually say, "Mom, I'm really sleepy." I'll then reply, "Go ahead and fall asleep, bud," and within seconds he is out. He hardly EVER falls asleep without first seeking permission. It is so funny how he does that.

-Ben loves to play the piano and is really good at it. We're not going to have him take lessons until he's in 1st grade but he hears his brothers practicing and he will memorize the songs and play them by ear on the piano. His favorite one is the Indian Song which we hear all the time in our house along with others he's taught himself along the way.

-Ben is funny because he really thinks he's so much older than he is. He usually doesn't like playing with kids his age because he thinks they act like "babies"-his words not mine. He feels much more comfortable playing with kids a year or two older than him. He gets along great with his older brothers friends, which I guess is good. But it cracks us up how he thinks he's at their same level. Sometimes he'll get sideways glances from the older kids but because Jacob and Joseph always include him their friends have just learned to let him play too. It also helps that he is athletically talented and really can hold his own pretty well.

-Ben is an excellent student. He is a young Kindergartner (starting just a month after he turned 5) but at his conference his teacher had glowing reviews about him academically and socially. He's a very quiet and serious boy that keeps to himself most of the time. But he's very attentive and eager to learn. His biggest complaint about school (which I hear frequently when asking him about his day) is that Kindergarten is "boring." He is ready to be challenged and likes to learn new things.

-Benjamin is very sensitive to sounds and temperatures. Things that may not seem loud to others will be so loud to him he covers his ears. Also the temperature of the water in the bath will feel warm to his brothers and to him it feels so hot that he nearly cries when you pour water over his head. I also have to scrub his scalp more gently than I have for the other kids because it hurts him if I shampoo his head in the same way I do the other kids. When we drive on bumpy driveways he will complain that the bumps are giving him a headache. I'm not sure what this means but thought I'd record it anyway.