Usually when strangers see me out with all the kids their first comment is "Wow, you have your hands full." Then they like to add, "Finally got your girl, huh?" I usually just respond with a smile and keep on pushing my cart full of kids down the aisle. Most people (who don't know me) seem to think that we were "trying" for a girl each time we got pregnant. But actually that couldn't be further from the truth. Each time we found out we were having another boy we were both very happy and excited. Looking back even now, having those 3 boys in less than 3 years has proved to be a blessing in many ways and I know that as they grow it will only get better. It's already so fun to see them stick together and look out for eachother. They really are a little 'band of brothers'. I'm so grateful for my little sons and I hope they'll always know that each of them were welcomed into our home with gladness. And even though they do make me crazy VERY frequently, I would never want them to think that they were just a failed attempt at trying to have a girl, (as so many commenting strangers seem to think).
It wasn't actually until I became unexpectedly pregnant with my 4th that I started to think that this time I wanted to have a little girl. I was worried that if I had another boy it would start to feel like the same old thing, and I'd feel terrible welcoming a child into our family with anything less than eager enthusiasm. It was at this time in my life that the craziness,stress & NOISE of having boys was really wearing me out emotionally and mentally. It's amazing to me to look back and see how much in a short time the happiness and bliss of new motherhood seemed to melt away into a painful reality of trying to hold my head above the water and survive my sons. I felt my joy turning into fatigue and crankiness. I wasn't enjoying the little things like I once was. It was at this time that I got the news I was pregant and I prayed in my heart that it would be a girl. When we found out we were having a daughter I was very grateful to a kind Father in Heaven who knew where I was at emotionally and knew that the blessing of a little girl would heal me in so many ways.
This post is dedicated to my little Lauren who has renewed my mother heart. Having you Lauren has made me love being a mother all over again. My heart does little somersaults when I see your sweet smiling face standing in your crib each morning. I love your tight little hugs and slobbery kisses. I love seeing you walk across the floor with your unsteady steps. I love seeing you fold your little arms when you hear us announce it's time for family prayer. I love your little finger that points at me and smiles. I love it when I'm rocking you in my arms and you pull your binky out and put it in my mouth to share. I love your fuzzy crazy hair that I can't seem to keep down. I love your little body when it gets excited and straightens out in a "spazz mode." You are so precious. I love you so much. Thank you for being you and for helping me to feel like a loving mother again.
