A Bittersweet Birthday

Benjamin turns 5

(Ben- taken the night before his 5th birthday)

When your sweet son slips from the realm of babyhood into the world of boyhood a pain enters your heart. Not long after their 5th birthday you start to notice the change. Their bodies go from being soft, squishy and snugly to being lean, firm, and muscly. And although it makes you proud to see them grow up so strong your heart aches to remember the moments when their cheeks were plump and their kisses were slobbery and their chubby little arms squeezed you tightly around your neck.

On Ben's 5th birthday I felt like I wanted to cry. It hurt my heart to have to face the reality that my last little boy was no longer a baby. Soon he will follow his brothers into the world of boyhood and all that will be left behind of my sweet baby sons are their leftover sippy cups (still kept in the drawer), their old binky's (tucked away in their memory boxes), pictures, home movies, and the bits and pieces of random memories that rest in my mother heart.

I remember when I was pregnant with Lauren I was sorting through the boys clothes and doing the rotation from one size to the next and as I folded up Ben's outgrown clothes (he was less than 2 at the time) and preparing to place them in marked Rubbermaid bins, something whispered to me, "you won't be taking these out again." I paused for a moment looking at the outfits that were handed down from son to son each boy taking their turn wearing the same clothes and I thought, "Wow, I wonder if Ben will be my last little boy." At that point I did not know if I was pregnant with a boy or girl and I also wouldn't have thought (at that point in my life) that this would be the last time I would be pregnant. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father gave me that moment to reflect upon this unknown reality as I folded up those little boy clothes for the last time and tucked them away lovingly in that Rubbermaid bin. As I snapped the lid over the top of those clothes I was struck with the possibility that every time I put away Ben's outgrown clothes I wouldn't be passing them down to any more sons. This was it, he was the caboose and the end of my little boy train.

And so on Ben's 5th birthday it was a bittersweet moment for me to wave farewell to those baby boy years that passed all too quickly it makes me cry just thinking about it. And now I can only turn to the days at hand when I must savor these present years of boyhood because all too soon my sweet young sons will grow into young men and I will be missing this phase in which they are now in. How quickly the years fly by, how fleeting these moments are. I hope that in heaven I will be permitted to relive those years holding each of my baby boys in my arms again. Because as hard as those days were they were still so full of joy.

Here is a poem that I wrote years ago that helps me remember my sweet young sons and the joy that they brought to my life during their baby years:


WHAT IS JOY

If the walls of our home found a voice
And spoke of the love within
And a mother’s joy was put into words
This is what would be penned.....

“My little ones, my little sons
You’ve filled my soul in so many ways
Never before, until you were here
Did I know what true joy was.

Your little hugs around my neck
The slobbery kisses on my cheek
Your unprompted 'I love you’s' that melt my heart
These are the blessings of life

At morning’s light you awake from bed
with sunshine in your happy face
Excited to see me, “Mommy” you scream
As you reach for my embrace.

Watching you play in your cute little ways
The silly things you do and say
Dandelions offered in tight chubby fists
Oh, these are the rarest of gifts!

Discovering the world in new shining ways
The wonder of all God’s creations
A little bug, the falling of leaves, a squirrel
That jumps from tree to tree

Reading stories with you on my lap
Or lying in bed before your nap
Singing you songs as you drift off to sleep
Your soft blond hair smells so sweet.

Those plump little tears that roll down your cheeks
My finger stops their fall
I rock and sway til the pain goes away
Then send you back outside to play.

Eagerness to learn, excitement for life
Unfolding with each new day
A new way of looking at this world
When seen through the eyes of my child

Day by day I watch you grow
Knowing the sands of time will flow
Each rare moment holds in its grasp
A potential memory that in time will pass

I take these moments, the world can wait
The cleaning and cooking will fade away
They are mine and I savor their texture
The way they feel and smell and sound

Sunny little boys you are my joy
A new awakening of what is real
Life and love and joy inside
Swell from my mother heart

The noise of the day from you boys at play
Can fill this house to the brim
But oh how quiet and lonesome it would be
without the sound of your voices

I know the day soon will come
When peace and quiet will return
But until that day I hope and I pray
That I’ll treasure these sounds within.”

By: Andria Laws
October 16, 2005

Memories from Ben's 5th Birthday Party
August 5th

This was our third and final STAR WARS themed birthday party. I am running out of new ideas for birthday cakes and party games so even though all the boys are still totally into STAR WARS I told them that this was going to have to be the last one. I made Ben a Yoda cake (because he loves Yoda) and I took the boys down to the docks in Gig Harbor to go fishing for the day. It was a lot of fun and we came home that evening to have Ben's birthday dinner and family party. His favorite gift was his clone trooper blaster that (yes I'm the one that got it for him) makes a lot of annoying sounds but he loves it so much that I know I'll survive it somehow.


We advertised Ben's party as having the "world's biggest slip and slide" which got a great response. I made the slip and slide with heavy duty plastic and landscaping darts and it stretched down our hill for 50 feet. Even that length wasn't long enough as they continued to slide with full speed into the grass at the end. The weather had been hot all week (this was in August) but that Saturday it turned cold and started to sprinkle. Aaron hooked the hose up to the hot water heater in the basement and kept a steady stream of warm water on the slide which made it much more inviting.


The homemade pinata was a little too strong and took forever to break but the boys were impressed with my Yoda painting and quickly busted 2 hours worth of my time all for the sake of getting to the candy inside. I loved the pile of light sabers in the grass and the boys doing Jedi battles in the living room earlier in the party. Little boys are so cute and so much fun. I made Yoda popcorn balls to put in the kids goody bags and Aaron made the light saber cake for the day of the party. He was very proud of his artwork but totally bummed when the cake cracked down the middle just minutes before the guests arrived. I don't think they really cared though. (: Overall it was a great party and a fun time for all the boys.

All About Ben

at 5 years old

Favorite Things: Favorite color: Red. Favorite show: Star Wars Clone Wars. Favorite Sport: Soccer. Favorite food: chilli. Favorite dessert: brownies. Favorite Book: Benjamins Balloon. Favorite Primary Song: Book of Mormon Stories.

Chores: Unloading the dishwasher, folding his laundry and putting it away, picking up toys in the playroom, cleaning out the kitty litter box, organizing the shoe closet, sweeping the stairs. Helping his brothers bring in the goats at night.

Personality & Behaviors:
-Something I love about Ben are his hugs. He gives the sweetest unprompted hugs. And because he is so short they usually hit you right around your waist or upper leg. I was shopping at Wal-Mart recently and while pushing the cart he wrapped his little arms around my waist and gave me a big hug as I was going down the aisle. So sweet. My favorite is when I'll be in the kitchen cooking or cleaning and he will just come up and hug me around my leg. At night when we tuck him in he'll frequently say "no kisses!" but he's always eager to give us hugs.

-Ben has a bashful look that we just love. We see it most often when he's playing sports and makes a goal or does something else impressive. Most kids would probably get a big smile on their face and look at you for approval. Ben however will suppress that urge to smile and try not to make eye contact with anyone as he walks away with a "Mr. cool" look on his face. It cracks us up!

-Benjamin is my early riser. He's almost always the first one to wake up in the morning. I have many memories of him coming down to the basement in his pajamas and rubber boots to hang out with me while I finish working out. Usually the reason Ben wakes up so early is because he's hungry for breakfast. "Make breakfast Mom or I'm starving Mom!" Are often the first things he says.

- Ben eats great for breakfast and lunch (usually out-eating his older brothers). At lunch sometimes I end up making him 2 sandwiches (on 100% whole wheat) because after the first one he'll say "More, Mama." It's amazing! At dinner, however, it's a different story. He has little to no interest in eating and is frequently dissatisfied with what is being served. We're working with him on table manners and trying to teach him that saying "this is disgusting" or "gross" is not okay. He can be very picky but is usually pretty good about eating a few bites of everything before he leaves the table.

-Something we don't necessarily love about Ben at this age is the all to common phrase we hear escaping his lips, "let me have it!" or "give it to me!" It is literally like nails on a chalkboard for Aaron and I. We will hear him upstairs playing with the boys and then that angry outburst will be repeated over and over again until he gets what he wants-which never happens soon enough. It actually makes us more mad at him than it does at the perpetrator who's making him say it. He does it in such a way that he's trying to sound tough and threatening to his brothers but it sounds so angry and hateful that more often we get mad at him for saying it than we do at the brother who has wronged him. Which brings me to the next thing about Ben....

-We are also learning that Ben has a temper. He reminds me of myself at his age when I use to get so fired up about things I'd grab the first thing I saw and chuck it at my offender. My poor brother almost got hit in the head with a rock and I busted our remote into pieces because my brother ducked and it hit the wall. So it may be a genetic predisposition, but he'll have to learn to control it too. Most often when he blows up it will result in very angry tones, usually toward Lauren. We call this his "angry voice." He will alsol pound his brothers with his fist if he's in the middle of a rage. But that usually results in him getting pounded back so that doesn't work out very well for him.

-Benjamin is a very assertive little boy. He started Kindergarten this fall and with all the stories he brings home about "bad" kids that do mean things I'm not the slightest bit worried about him being bullied. And after meeting with his teacher this week for his Parent/Teacher conference something she shared with me only confirmed that. She told us a cute story about something she observed in class one time. A boy at his table had grabbed a crayon out of his hand that he was coloring with. Without missing a beat, Ben "muscled" it back out of his hands and continued using it to color his picture. The other boy was surprised but didn't object and they both went on with what they were doing. Aaron has said many times that he feels sorry for the kid that messes with Ben because Ben is naturally a very sweet natured boy but if he's crossed he will defend himself and he is a very tough kid.

-Ben is very tough. Solid, is the word we usually use to describe him. He can crank out 25 push-ups with perfect form with no breaks. Sometimes when we punish him with push-ups we'll give him 50 or more and his response will be, "okay, I don't care." And he'll get down on the ground and bust the out with only a few rests in between.

-Ben loves to draw pictures of race cars and STAR WARS battle scenes. He is also very sweet about picking flowers for me and in the spring and summer almost daily he would bring me in hand-picked flowers from outside to "put in a vase" and have sitting on my kitchen windowsill. He is also very fond of finding pretty rocks which he excitedly brings in to show me. I'm not sure if he gets them because he loves them or if he loves my reaction when I see them. (I try to get very excited about them because it makes him feel special). But now I'm not sure if he's doing it for me or for him. Either way I've been known to have my pockets full of rocks of all shapes and sizes by the end of any given day.

-This year we have also noticed Benjamin stashing laundry under his bed or in the closet when he's supposed to bring it up to his room and put it away in his drawers. He can also be very sneaky about getting out of things that he doesn't want to do. Something that we regularly hear from him at this phase is "I don't want to!" It hasn't quite sunk in that when he's given a chore to do it doesn't matter if he wants to do it or not. It's funny to me that he thinks he doesn't have to do something just because he "doesn't want to." This is an ongoing battle with him, getting him to do what he's told without complaint and on the first time he's asked. Very challenging.

-Something cute that Ben will do is to ask for permission to fall asleep while we are driving somewhere in the car. He will usually say, "Mom, I'm really sleepy." I'll then reply, "Go ahead and fall asleep, bud," and within seconds he is out. He hardly EVER falls asleep without first seeking permission. It is so funny how he does that.

-Ben loves to play the piano and is really good at it. We're not going to have him take lessons until he's in 1st grade but he hears his brothers practicing and he will memorize the songs and play them by ear on the piano. His favorite one is the Indian Song which we hear all the time in our house along with others he's taught himself along the way.

-Ben is funny because he really thinks he's so much older than he is. He usually doesn't like playing with kids his age because he thinks they act like "babies"-his words not mine. He feels much more comfortable playing with kids a year or two older than him. He gets along great with his older brothers friends, which I guess is good. But it cracks us up how he thinks he's at their same level. Sometimes he'll get sideways glances from the older kids but because Jacob and Joseph always include him their friends have just learned to let him play too. It also helps that he is athletically talented and really can hold his own pretty well.

-Ben is an excellent student. He is a young Kindergartner (starting just a month after he turned 5) but at his conference his teacher had glowing reviews about him academically and socially. He's a very quiet and serious boy that keeps to himself most of the time. But he's very attentive and eager to learn. His biggest complaint about school (which I hear frequently when asking him about his day) is that Kindergarten is "boring." He is ready to be challenged and likes to learn new things.

-Benjamin is very sensitive to sounds and temperatures. Things that may not seem loud to others will be so loud to him he covers his ears. Also the temperature of the water in the bath will feel warm to his brothers and to him it feels so hot that he nearly cries when you pour water over his head. I also have to scrub his scalp more gently than I have for the other kids because it hurts him if I shampoo his head in the same way I do the other kids. When we drive on bumpy driveways he will complain that the bumps are giving him a headache. I'm not sure what this means but thought I'd record it anyway.