A savored "Last"

On Sunday during sacrament meeting Jacob was sleepy. He was sitting to my left trying to get comfortable up against the end of our pew but was not having much success. I prompted him to come closer so he could lean up against me. After a few minutes of shifting and settling up against my side he climbed up onto my lap, brushed my hair back from off my my shoulder and lay his head down to rest. I rocked him gently, scratching the back of his white shirt and resting my cheek against the side of his head.

The realization hit me as I was sitting there in that moment holding my oldest son that this was probably one of those "lasts." I savored every moment thinking of how much he has grown and remembering the sweet little baby and toddler boy that had climbed up into my lap hundreds of times before and sat in much the same way. I could not hold back the sweet tears as I held my growing boy who all too soon will be a young man.

Years ago I bought a children's book that has left its mark upon my mother heart. It was that book that came to my mind as I sat in that moment holding my son in my lap. I felt such love for him and gratitude to my Heavenly Father for not just giving me that special moment but helping me to realize that it will most likely be his last.

I share this book with each of you in the hopes that we as mothers may hold onto those potential "last" moments and celebrate and savor them as much as we do their "firsts."

Would I have held on Longer
(from the children's book "Let Me Hold You Longer")
Written By: Karen Kingsbury

Long ago you came to me, a miracle of firsts:
First smiles and teeth and baby steps, a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away and leave to me your past,
And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts.....

The last time that I held a bottle to your baby lips.
The last time that I lifted you and held you on my hip.
The last night when you woke up crying, needing to be walked,
When last you crawled up with your blanket wanting to be rocked.

The last time when you ran to me still small enough to hold.
The last time that you said you'd marry me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and bright flashes from your past-
Would I have held on longer if I'd know they were your last?

Our last adventure to the park, your final midday nap,
The last time when you wore your favorite faded baseball cap.
Your last few hours of kindergarten, those last days of first grade,
Your last at bat in Little League, last colored picture made.

I never said good-bye to all your yesterdays long passed.
So what about tomorrow-will I recognize your lasts?
The last time you catch a frog in that old backyard pond.
The last time that you run barefoot across our fresh-cut lawn.

Silly, scattered images will represent your past.
I kept on taking pictures, never quite sure of your lasts....
The last time that I comb your hair or stop a pillow fight.
The last time that I pray with you and tuck you in at night.

The last time when we cuddle with a book, just me and you.
The last time you jump in our bed and sleep between us two.
The last piano lesson, last vacation to the lake.
Your last few weeks of middle school, last soccer goal you make.

I look ahead and dream of days that haven't come to pass.
But as I do, I sometimes miss today's sweet, precious lasts....
The last time that I help you with a math or spelling test.
The last time when I shout that "yes," your room is still a mess.

The last time that you need me for a ride from here to there.
The last time that you spend the night with your old tattered bear.
My life keeps moving faster, stealing precious days that pass.
I want to hold on longer-want to recognize your lasts...

The last time that you need my help with details of a dance.
The last time that you ask me for advice about romance.
The last time that you talk to me about your hopes and dreams.
The last time that you wear a jersey for your high-school team.

I've watched you grow and barely noticed seasons as they pass.
If I could freeze the hands of time, I'd hold on to your lasts.
For come some bright fall morning, you'll be going far away.
College life will beckon in a brilliant sort of way.

One last hug, one last good-bye, one quick and hurried kiss.
One last time to understand just how much you'll be missed.
I'll watch you leave and think how fast our time together passed.
Let me hold on longer, God, to every precious last.




Thank you Karen for your inspired words. You have truly opened our minds and hearts to help us all look at our mothering in a whole new way.