Updates

"The Club" is what they call it and we've been spending a lot of time down there lately. The kids love going down to the beach and anytime we have friends over for the day we all pile into the back of the suburban and drive down the road to driftwood cove. I look forward to when they get older and they're old enough to ride their bikes down there to spend an afternoon playing on the beach. It's such a great place to play. This is a picture of Joseph and his friend Hank next to the club they built out of driftwood.



It's been raining a lot lately and when it's a Saturday and it's raining there's only so many things fun things you can do. Aaron's been great about taking the kids to the YMCA to climb the rock wall.

Here's a picture of Jacob at the top.

We were so happy to have a visit from Megan and her family this month. The kids enjoyed playing around with their cousins Tyssen and Trenton. We even got to celebrate Tyssens 5th Birthday! I sure wish she lived closer, I just love my little nephews.

Cute stuff from January

Lauren has been using her tea set from Grandma and Grandpa a lot. The other day I went in to the bathroom and found her just like this. I only hope she didn't get the water in her tea cup out of the toilet!



Jacob has been working on earning his Wolf badge in cub scouts. One of the things he had to do was to learn how to tie a tie. He was very proud that he could do it all by himself.




We took the kids to the Pacific Science Center for the Mission to Mars exhibit. The IMAX film about the Mars Rovers was absolutely amazing and captivated the kids for the entire 45 minutes. Pretty impressive for a scientific documentary.

As we were walking down to see the Mars exhibit I looked behind me to see Joseph and Ben rolling down the sloped ramp down to the ground floor. Ahhhhh, to be a kid again, they find fun in the most unusual places.



This month has started a chess and checkers craze in our home. I dug out the checker board one day and taught Jacob how to play, soon the other boys learned too. Then we got a chess set and Aaron taught them all how to play. Now Jacob is always asking me to play chess with him. He has beaten me more times than I have beaten him. Benjamin is more at my level when it comes to chess. Pretty embarrassing that a 5 year old is an equal match for my wit.




There seems to be a magnetic attraction between kids and water. I love the look on Laurens face. She realized that she was caught before the boys even knew I was there looking at the water all over the counter top, dripping down the cabinet and all over the floor. I think Lauren was probably thinking one word when she saw me in the doorway, "Busted!"

For my Children

(chalkboard art - compliments of Joseph)

Every night I go into your room to check on you before I go to bed. I see you laying there so sweetly and peacefully. I place my hand on your head and stroke your hair then lean in to kiss your cheek and whisper "Mommy loves you" in your ear. It's usually at this time that the weight of the day comes crushing down on me and the guilt sets in for anything and everything related to mothering that I've done or not done for that day. Guilt for the missed opportunities to show you how much I love you. Guilt for not enjoying every little cute or funny thing you said or did (because I was too stressed or too irritated with all the messes or the bickering to even notice). Guilt over forgetting you're a child and being too hard on you for doing things that kids just do. Guilt over a harsh word spoken or a lost temper that erupted far more than was necessary for that given situation. Guilt over the misuse of my time (however well-intentioned) I allowed myself to get caught up in the "thick of thin things" and I missed those opportunities to share in those simple joyful moments with you my sweet children.

The most hurtful thing is when I find notes that you've scribbled on a little piece of paper or written on your chalkboard that say things like "Mommy's mean" or "Mommy doesn't love me" just because you were punished or sent to your room. Or the times when I tuck you in at night and you roll over to the far end of the bed where I can't reach you on that top bunk because I've hurt your feelings and you're still sulking over being punished. You won't even let me give you a hug and kiss goodnight. It wouldn't upset me as much if I thought you were just trying to get attention. The reason it makes me so sad is because I know you really are hurt and the cause of your hurt is because of my inability to handle your quirky, obnoxious, disobedient behavior. In that moment I know that you really do feel I'm "the meanest Mom" and sometimes there's a part of me that believes you.

Later that evening I leave your room after giving you that kiss on your cheek and whispering "Mama loves you" in your sleeping ear. Another day over, another battle fought. We've both been wounded but we'll feel better in the morning. All will be forgiven; the slate is washed clean and we'll both start over again. You'll come down for breakfast rubbing your sleepy eyes and I'll meet you at the bottom step. "Good morning sweetheart, how did you sleep?" And so another day begins.....

I'll keep trying to love you and parent you the best that I can and hope that my best will be good enough to help us both get through the day with a happier ending. I'll try harder to let go of the stresses and messes and enjoy each of your sweet smiling faces. I will try harder to savor the things you say and do that should make me laugh instead of make me mad. I will try to be the mother to you that I thought was so easy to be......until I had 4 kids.

I'm sorry for everything that I do that does not fit that cookie cutter mold I had designed in my mind. The mother I wanted to be (and once was) before my plate was so full and so much of me was spread so thin. My hope and desire has always been to be the kind of mother that you look back on with the sweetest of memories. I've never wanted anything more than that for you my sweet, precious children. Please don't interpret my shortcomings and inabilities to manage myself as an indicator of my love for you. It hurts me more than you can know that I've fallen from that high place in my idealistic mind and regularly find myself not on that top shelf but in a heap on the floor picking myself up (yet again) and climbing back up to that place in which I want to be. Please be patient with me and know that I love you more than you could ever know. And please Heavenly Father help my children to survive my shortcomings.

Christmas 2009

A random collage of Christmas pictures and memories.....


Christmas Eve at Papa and Grandma's house.

The kids were buzzing with excitement having fun playing with their cousin, drawing pictures, playing Foosball, Twister and being silly. Jacob played musical chairs with Grandma. Benjamin proudly showed off his new reading skills by reading Green Eggs and Ham to anyone who would listen. Lauren dancing and singing with Mrs. Claus and the little snowman.
Grandmas little houses all lit up in a beautiful snow scene lining the shelves in the family room. Eating prime rib for dinner and gorging ourselves on Christmas pie and fudge. Gifts for the kids were so much fun. The boys were fascinated with the football helmet piggy banks and all their other gifts. Laurens was a happy little lady when she opened the tea set and spent the rest of the afternoon playing tea party with Grandma and serving everyone cups of "tea." I was so exhausted from staying up late the night before finishing up on Lauren's dress up dresses (went to bed at 5am and woke up at 8am) but somehow the excitement of the day sustained me- along with the nap I got in the car on the drive home later that day.


When we got home the kids opened their Christmas pajamas amidst Ben's sour face and grumbling that this was a "stupid present." After making and decorating the sugar cookies for Santa we put the kids to bed. The boys were determined to stay up until midnight to see Santa. Their report the next morning was disappointing. They couldn't figure out why they hadn't seen him and then Jacob realized their bedroom window is facing south and Santa comes from the North pole. "Next year I'm sleeping in the guest room (with a north facing window) so I can see his sleigh!" So sweet and innocent. He's 8 this year and I hope he keeps on believing......
Christmas morning was full of excitement as the kids scurried downstairs to check their stockings and see what Santa had brought. Benjamin found the biggest present-(Lauren's dress-up trunk) and crossed out her name and wrote his in its place. Before opening our gifts we knelt in prayer and each of us offered a gift to Jesus written on a slip of paper and placed in a sealed box next to the nativity.



One of my favorite pictures here is the one of Jacob with his arms around Lauren as she holds the crown he made for her. In a recent FHE lesson we talked about gift giving and encouraged the kids to make gifts for each other. Jacob knew that Lauren loved princess crowns so weeks before Christmas he carefully measured the size of her head and made her a crown. He wrapped it up so sweetly and put it under the tree. It was one of the first presents she opened and she loved it. Jacob was delighted as you can see from the picture.

After all the presents were opened the playing began. As did the perpetual munching on stocking candy. Lauren was like an addict unwrapping one piece after another. It seemed like her mouth continuously had candy in it throughout the entire day. A fancy Christmas dinner of turkey and ham with no dress code required. Watching Lauren's new movie (Snow White) with the kids for their first time. When the movie was over the dancing began with Lauren and her Prince Charming (otherwise known as Daddy). That night after the kids went to bed Aaron and I watched The Nativity Story. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this movie. It's become our tradition to watch it every year on Christmas. It always brings the spirit of Christmas into my heart and helps me remember (amidst the craziness of wrappings, gift giving and candy eating) why we celebrate this special day.

Getting Ready for Christmas....

In search of the perfect tree.....

We took the kids out of school early on a Friday so we could get our tree before it got too dark. It was FREEZING cold outside so we bundled up good. After driving over acres and acres of trees with the kids riding in the back of the trailer we found the perfect tree. It was a little shorter than Daddy had wanted. He kept picking out trees that he thought would fit in our house but I think he was forgetting how tall 8 foot ceilings are. He would get so excited about finding the perfect tree and after we'd all come to look I'd have to burst his bubble by telling him it was way too tall. This happened a couple of times. "It's not too tall, it's perfect!" he'd say. But after being put to the tape-measure test, he learned that an 11 foot tree can look like an 7 foot tree when you're out in the open woods. (:

Decking our Halls

I love traditional Christmas decorations. Red, Gold and Green are the only colors I need.....
Every year though Aaron reminds me that I'm "no fun" because I won't let him put colored lights on the tree. Our compromise is that he gets to put colored lights on the outside of our house.
"I'm sorry honey but you married an interior decorator- I'm never going to be okay with colored lights on the tree." He usually mumbles something about white lights being boring and colored lights being magical. Hopefully though, (even without the colored lights) our children will still remember our Christmas decorations as being magical.

Gingerbread House

This gingerbread house was decorated entirely by the kids and also eaten entirely too. We put the house on the piano when it was done and within 24 hours every piece of candy had been picked off and eaten. I even saw Jacob leaning across the piano on his stomach taking a bite out of the tree using only his teeth. It must have been pretty yummy, but I guess I'll never know because now it's gone. (:

Did you know that Tiffany's makes CTR rings?

Just kidding.
I about died laughing this morning after the following conversation:

Jacob: "Mom, you're going to be really mad at Joseph....."

Me: "Uh Oh, what did he do?"

Jacob: "You know the ring box that Daddy gave you when he asked you to marry him?"

Me: "Yeeeees.....?" (I'm nervous now)

Jacob: "Well, Joseph snuck into your jewelry box last night and stole it so he could put his CTR ring in it. He wanted to give it to Lauren.

Me: (sigh of relief)

Jacob: "He told me not to tell you and promised if I didn't, that he'd stop talking and go to sleep. (Joseph is always keeping Jacob up at night)
But now it's morning....."



I really needed that laugh

Veteran's Day

On Veterans day the kids were out of school and I spent some time showing them YouTube clips from past wars and educating them about the reason we have veterans day. I had them make some thank-you cards to take to the Veterans Home in the town where we live. Someone from school had given me this idea and I'm so glad we went. I thought I'd done an acceptable job teaching them with my YouTube clips that morning but nothing I taught them about freedom, military service and sacrifice came close to the impact that visiting those veterans did. Some of them were old, (WWII) some were younger, (Vietnam & Gulf), some had missing limbs. We only spent about 30 minutes there, walking the halls and visiting some of them in their rooms. But in that time they learned much more than I could have ever taught them. They were shy at first then became more comfortable and soon were okay with shaking some of their hands and thanking them for their service. One man there told us the story about how he had lied about his age and joined the army when he was 16 in WWII because he wanted to fight so bad. Another woman I met was a Marine veteran during WWII! I couldn't believe it! I kept telling her how tough she was to do that! I was seriously so impressed.

I really am so grateful for all the men and women who have fought, served and died fighting for a righteous cause. When I watch old movie clips about the soldiers fighting against Nazi Germany and the freedoms that they restored to those areas of the world it makes my heart beam with pride. While I was in basic training in the Air Force I grew to love our nation and the principles of freedom that our nation was built upon. I learned while in Boot Camp that I have a fighting spirit and a a warrior-like desire to liberate the captive and uphold the individual freedom and rights of all men. It was great to be able to meet with these heroes and express our thanks to them for the sacrifices they have made in support of freedom.

Halloween

Around this time last year our boys were introduced to Star Wars. It didn't take long for them to fall in love with anything Star Wars or to request in advance what they wanted to be for Halloween next year. Now, I'll admit Lauren didn't specifically say that she wanted to be Princess Leia but she didn't say she didn't want to. So how could I possibly resist putting that tiny little wig on that cute little head? She even informed me that she needed some lip gloss (very observant girl) because Princess Leia always has shiny lips. I think I had as much fun as the kids did this year. I had a permanent smile on my face the entire time I was helping them get into their costumes. I was that annoying Mom beaming with pride the entire night wanting everyone to see how cute the kids looked in their costumes.

Pumpkin Patch

We love going to the pumpkin patch at Hunter Farms. I'm so glad we went early this year because October turned out to be a very rainy month. Sometimes we've gone when it's rained and the field is a mucky, muddy mess. This year was perfect; cool, dry and plenty of pumpkins. The kids each enjoyed picking out their pumpkin to carry back to the wagon. The rule is that they can pick any pumpkin but they have to be able to carry it out of the patch. With three competitive boys, I have a feeling that one day our trip to the pumpkin patch will get a bit pricey as they each try to prove how "strong" they are. But for now it's just so much fun to see how excited they get choosing their pumpkins. Lauren had a hard time making up her mind. In the end she picked the tiniest, cutest little pumpkin ever-ironic, isn't it?

The Race

I was really worried about the race this year. Our high school cross country team holds this race every year for all of the elementary schools in the district. They divide the kids up by grade and gender so everyone is running against their peers. I believe it's a 400 meter course (equivalent to 2 laps around a track-I think). Last year Jacob took 1st for the first grade boys and so you can imagine that he had every intention of defending his title. This year Joseph would be running too and he had every intention of getting 1st place like his brother had done. I was trying to teach them the importance of competing against yourself and I even wrote down Jacob's time from last year and encouraged him to focus on beating that time. But no matter what I said they both had their heart set on that blue ribbon. Jacob even shared with me his "strategy" a couple days before, and I can tell you he was really putting a lot of thought into this. There is already so much competition between the boys I knew that Joseph felt he needed to get 1st place to prove to his brother that he was "as fast as Jacob was in first grade." And so I had no idea what to even hope for (besides hoping that they would both win first place). But I knew this was very unlikely. And so when the day of the race arrived all I could do was to encourage them to do their best and prepare them for the possibility of defeat. Then, secretly I prayed and prayed for Him to orchestrate the best possible outcome.

Joseph's group was first and he ran his little heart out and got 3rd place! We were very proud of him but as you can see from the pictures he was devastated at the result. It broke my heart to see him so sad when he should have been so happy. We did all we could to praise and console him but it wasn't until Jacob ran and also got 3rd place that things turned around. I nearly cried in gratitude to my Heavenly Father for indeed orchestrating the best possible outcome. Jacob was humbled, (which was good for him-trust me), and Joseph who idolizes Jacob suddenly realized that he had done as good as his brother and was now beaming with pride. I love the picture with all three boys and Jacob and Joseph holding up their 3rd place ribbons. A picture says 1000 words.